Hi, I've just found this site and thought I'd say hello.
I have a little girl who is two and a half, and I have been a single mum since my husband died nearly two years ago - she was seven months at the time. I still find it odd describing myself as a single mum, or as a widow, but that is what I am!
I think I am finally coming out of shock and starting to feel lonely, sad that all my friends seem to be busy having second babies, and not wanting to spend the rest of my life on my own. I have lots of friends, but don't really know any other single parents.
So that's me - hello!
Hi Isnan
I'm so sorry you've lost your husband. I can only imagine the shock and sadness you're going through.
This is a great board to be part of. Fun and laughter and such a great place should you need a virtual shoulder too.
Hello Isnan
Welcome aboard, there is lots of support and information here and plenty of cyber-friends too.
Life must have been tough for you in the last couple of years with a great deal to come to terms with and, as you say, your changed perception of yourself.
Have a look around and see where you would like to jump in, why not join us in Chat?
You might also like to have a look at our article "Making new friends"
Hi Isnan
Sorry to hear what you have been through . You have found a good site here with lots of nice people on it.
I have a little two year old DD.
Hi Isnan. Welcome along 
So sorry to hear about your husband. Does your little girl go to playgroups or anything? Do you have any family for support? Look forward to 'chatting'. It is a lovely group, so please join in. Take care
Hi Isnan. I'm fairly new here too. I have been on a couple of the message boards to post things and I have read a few too, and it's great - like automatic friends at the touch of a button who are there to welcome you, support you and offer advice.
I have two children - 10 and 5.
:)
Thanks for the welcome everyone! I am very glad to have found this site.
Louise - I had a look at the Making Friends thing - good ideas, thanks, I am trying to think positive and go out and do things.
Wayne - nice to meet you. How is it for you? My girl is absolutely lovely, and absolutely exhausting!
Alisoncam - Thanks, yes, she goes to nursery two days a week, and we go to various groups and things. I think the trouble I have is that I get into conversation with people, but know that there is this big 'thing' that is going to come out eventually, and when you mention that your husband is dead it does tend to upset people. That is one of the reasons why I thought other single parents would be good to know. And yes, I am so lucky that I have been able to move to just round the corner from my mum and my auntie and they are brilliant at helping me out, and I am able to go out in the evenings quite often.
Thanks! xx
Hi Isnan
My friends husband died 5 years ago now, they had 3 boys, 2 were teens and the youngest just 5, it was really hard for her and as you say its not the easiest conversation to have with people is it? Its usually that people just dont know what to say, I know my friend felt very isolated at the time as some close friends avoided her for a while which hurt her.
It really is the friendliest site on the internet as someone put it the other day like one great big family which was a lovely way to put it.
xx
Welcome and hello Isnan
Let me introduce myself i am Stuart and a single parent to my three children.
Have been for three years and loving it, with its ups and downs.
Hope to talk to you more and enjoy the lovely people on here.
STUART
Hi Isnan. It's great that you have lots of support and live so close to your family. I guess when you mention that your husband died, people are probably shocked, sad, and even embarrassed, not knowing what to say next. Once you've told them this, perhaps you could move the conversation on by talking about the children, what your interests are etc.
Hope you have a good day. From the sounds of it outside, it is pouring down (again). Ok if you're a duck I suppose hehe. Take care
Hi Isnan
I have my little DD from Thursday night until sunday night. She is a little cracker but she never seems to stop which is good in a way. She is now getting her own personality which is funny to see but i miss her like crazy when i have to take her back and wish the week away so i can see her again. She is my whole world now.
Hello again Isnan
Isn't it sad when something tragic happens to us (such as when your husband died) and we end up "looking after" other people because THEY feel awkward? That does tend to happen. My friend who had cancer found the same: she ended up comforting everyone else and SHE was the one who was ill. I guess at least with other single parents there are less awkward questions.
Its great that you are near your Mum and Auntie, you do need a break and some evenings out-glad you found the article helpful, it is all about being creative.
Please join in on other sections of the board as well, you will be made very welcome
Thanks everyone!
Hi Isnan, welcome from me, I am glad you found us!
I have been looking around the internet to see what added support there is for you out there,
Have you heard of Care for the Family? They are a Christian organisation but they have day and weekend events for widowers, here is their link, there is also other info that you may find useful. http://www.careforthefamily.org.uk/adj/
Also WAYfoundation and The National Association of Widows might be of interest.
So, do you have any New Years Resolutions? Have you joined any local groups?
Thanks Anna, I've had a look at those sites. I knew WAY already, and think it is very good. The others are interesting too, I didn't know them. I'll have a good look at them, though I am a bit wary of being defined as a widow - I don't think I am anything like the image that word conjures up! But then I guess there are lots of people who aren't, and it would be nice to meet people in the same boat as me.
New Years Resolutions - well yes. Watch less tv (going well, moved the armchair to face the fishtank and currently got the radio on). Drink less wine at home on my own (glass of water in front of me right now). Use the car less (cycled to the hairdressers today with my daughter on the back). Go on some dates (less good! Went on one internet date in December and hated it so much I actually threw up when I got home! But that was December - who knows what the new year will hold).
I rang the local Gingerbread branch and left a message a while ago, but they haven't got back to me. Maybe I'll call them again. I'm thinking of starting fencing again though - I used to do it before I got pregnant. I was keen but rubbish. I thought that might be fun and a good way of meeting people as they all go to the pub afterwards - slightly destroys the health benefits, but there you go!
Hi Isnan, I am glad you found the websites interesting, I understand you not wanting to be defined as a 'widow' as such, but what is a definition??!
Being a 'single parent' probably conjures up all sorts of dreadful images, until you realise we are all from many different walks of life, many different experiences and skills, but because we have one common interest that bonds us, the rest of society sticks a stereotype on us 
I guess it is the same with widowhood?
I think there is definitely a positive in meeting people who have experienced similar emotions to yourself, you don't have to be best buddies, but you can learn things about yourself, by sharing and listening to others who have had to endure such an extreme life experience. Most people just won't have the capacity to even begin thinking about what you have gone through.
It sounds as though your new years resolutions are going pretty well so far! Less TV has got to be good! As is less wine! My daughter (16) was saying that if you drink a soft drink in between each glass of wine it's better for you! (I have heard you should drink as much water as you do wine when having a drink) ANYWAY! That weekend I had a glass of wine and my daughter then came in with a glass of coke, (not a regular visitor to our house, you understand!) I drank my wine then had some of her coke, wow! it was delicious! and after that I didn't even fancy another glass of wine! Just a little trick I have now learnt!
Good to hear you are using your car less too, it is not only good for the environment, your body but makes you feel so good to eh?!
Throwing up after a date? 
That can't have been good, was he that awful? Or was it a mixture of emotions? Never say never again, I think dating is fab, as long as you are going out for a bit of fun, rather than searching for a new partner.
Fencing! Cool! Good exercise I bet and it sounds as though socially beneficial too. It is great to read that you are making changes. Any wobbles do let us know we are here to support you through the highs and the lows.....
Do ring Gingerbread again, I am sure they were just extremely busy over the xmas period.
So you sound like a very busy person, who makes things happen, what is on your agenda for the rest of the week?
You're doing well with your resolutions!
We keep looking at fish, and would love a fish tank - but, unfortunately, it's the space. I've suggested getting rid of the hamster - but that didn't go down too well!
Well we looked after next door's goldfish while they were on holiday and my daughter loved it and really wanted one. We went to the shop to buy a bowl and a goldfish, but came away with a great big tropical tank! Fortunately my daughter's auntie gave her a cheque for Christmas cos so far we have spent about five times what I intended! We have six little shiny fish (all with names, though I can't tell them apart), and will get more in a few weeks. I had to totally rearrange our living room to find a place for it, but I love it now and spend ages watching them swimming around. I really recommend it - though I have only had it a couple of weeks so haven't had to do a big clean out or anything. Much more decorative than a hamster!
Anna - The thing is I don't really like coke (though it is the best hangover cure!), and I'm not massively keen on juice, so it is tea or water really - so wine always seems the tastier option. Think I am going to try some different soft drinks till I find the one for me.
The date man was very nice - it was the circumstances I think that caused the trauma - I felt a bit like I was job-interviewing a replacement for my lovely husband. I think you are right, you have to not think of it as looking for a partner. Lesson learned!
Plans for the week - tax return!
Hi Isnan
Fish can be very therapeutic. Mind you, son got a goldfish and the thing lived for over seven years, became a legend hereabouts and was known as Bob le poisson.He died last year. You will enjoy watching your fish, even if you don't enjoy cleaning them out. Have you had to get all the gear as well, such as a pump and a light? Bob was a real character. If he felt he wasn;t getting enough attention he would hurl himself against the edge of the (plastic!) tank so it made a knocking sound, until you went to talk to him.
Tax returns, oh yes the end of January approaches, it is that time of year again 
do you do yours online?
As for soft drinks, I find it hard to find one I like as they are all too sweet for me. In a pub I have lime and soda or sometimes tonic water.
Fencing sounds brilliant!
How is your day going today?
Daughter and I were pricing up tanks in the local pet shop before Christmas. I can see us getting one eventually!
My favourite drink is sparkling water with a drop of lime cordial - but the lime has to be Rose's! I recently managed to find a bottle after about a year of looking. The bottle will last a few months though, as I do literally have a drop.
I used to play badminton, and strangely enough, we'd go to the pub after too - although I always had the water (you'd think I was thin, wouldn't you...!!!)
Hi Isnan, what about Elderflower Cordial and sparkling water? Yumm yum!One of my fav's - I'm not a great Coke fan either.
We too have had fish when my daughter was small, one day I asked one of her little friends, who was always fascinated by them, if he wanted to feed them. After being very specific how small a pinch of food they needed and what would happen if you gave them too much, he fed them, ahhhhh. After lunch I went into front room and found both fish dead with empty food jar next to bowl. He still completely denies tipping the whole jar in, but I don't think that the fish were strong enough to do it between them and of course my angel of a daughter wouldn't have done it either!
ANYWAY - long story short, I used to hate cleaning the bowl, such a palaver, so maybe a blessing in disguise!
I would love a tropical tank though, especially if someone else cleaned it, it is so calming to see them swimming around.
Hows your tax return. If you are reading this, I hope you have finished it and not finding distractions!!
Hi,
Tax all done - having virtually no income does help when it comes to doing tax returns!
Sparklinglime - hence the name i guess - you must like it a lot! Think I'll try it, I have it in the pub sometimes but I've never had it at home, maybe I'll seek out Rose's.
Thanks for the comment Anna - the food is now on a very high shelf. I am constantly being told the fish are 'starving hungry', so I think if the food was in reach my fish would go the way of yours!
xx
Well done on the tax return, sounds like there won't be much of a bill to pay.
What are you up to this weekend?
Hi Isnan
phew! Tax return completed, mission accomplished!
Glad my little story might have saved anothers life!!!
Hope all is well with you, hows your little one?
Hi Isnan
Welcome to one space
Its a lovely site where you make lots of cyber buddies and recieve lots of support as and when you need it.
I am relatively new here but love the site, hope you stay and have a look around at the varoius threads, lots of good ones to read.
xxx