Hi everyone,
So deep breathe..
I've just joined this site as im lost, hurt, scared and just unsure what im doing anymore. I have just left my partner of an on n off 4 years who was reguarly violent and emotionally absuing. I feel so sad, i have so many emotions and i dont know where to turn or even how to deal with this. Its very new and very raw and still have some contact while he is sorting out his stuff and taking it. but my mind is going crazy.. i know i have to leave this man because he hurts me physically and emotional and tells me he loves me and i know thats not normal. I have a 5yr old boy who has been sheltered from this and i have to think of him.. but this man is my life and i dont know to to survive without him.. even as i write this i think how crazy that sounds and all i can think of is wanting him to tell me its ok he loves me he wont hurt me again so this doesnt have to happen and i dont have to feel this pain but i cant because ive heard that before and i know he will because he has. Hes very manuipluatve and obsessive and i need to get out of this... but im sad and broken and fragile and i dont know if i have the strength to do this without crumbling when im feeling low.
well thats my shortened story, hope everyone is ok x
thank you,
he has moved out at the moment and it has been a few days since i have seen him but still contacts me and feel obliged to still talk to him to prevent a row and him turning up as he still has a key. I am really struggling with how to deal with this and move on from him, i cant imagine my life without him and this is making me feel like a complete fool because i should not want this person in my life :(
yet he makes me feel like i need him and cannot be on my own. its like a vicious circle and my head is a mess.
I can totally understand how you feel, these are some of the consequences of having been in an abusive relationship, take a look at the Freedom Programme which we have on line as this may give you some insight to living with abuse.
Are you able to get the locks changed so that he can't just turn up and come in?
i have had a look and joined up to the programme so will start working my way through it. I just cant afford to pay for the locks to be changed. i dont have any spare money but i have put a key in the door so he cant come in when im there or not there aswell
That's a good plan. I am sure you will recognise things about your partner when you work on the Freedom Programme. Just seeing that this is a pattern of behaviour that abusers have...the bad behaviour, the I love you and I won't do it again but he does...may help you see that you need to stay strong and get all the support you can. Do phone the number Sally gave you.
What are you doing moneywise? That is something that needs to get sorted quickly
Hi onwards and welcome to One Space,
Thank you for sharing your story, i know that must of took alot of courage to do so. You have had a tough few years and sadly it will take sometime to get over what has happened to you, we are always here if you need to off load or sound us out for information.
Right now it sounds like you could do with some support from a domestic abuse service, they can help with all sorts of things, but mostly give you the support to disconnect from your partner.
You can contact Womensaid on 0808 2000 247 they can help you find somewhere close to you that can support you and they will also just listen if you need to talk to someone because your struggling with all that is going on.
We also have a Domestic Abuse Expert whom you can message confidentially, she maybe able to make some suggestions on what you can do.
Are you still living in the same house?