Hi there,
I'm new here and joined as feeling very lonely and isolated at the moment. I've been a single parent for a while now. When my son (now 7) was born I lost my Dad to cancer and when he was nearly 3 I ended the relationship as emotionally abusive. 3 months after i met the love of my life who I thought was my soul mate. He broke up ith me last year in August and I was devastated (after 3 years) but understanding as he was in a 10 year emotioanlly abusive relationship. We were seeing each other up till recently but he then decided he had moved on but yet we are still best of friends. I guess i always had that hope we would end up together again. I'm also losing one of my best friends who is travelling the world and at airport as i type :( Just feel so lost at the moment and emotional pain is unbearable. I'm starting to feel very down even though on anti-depressants and so alone. Really wondering if life is ever going to get any better.
Also feeling bad now that my introduction is so blue.
Jo
Hey,
this is an excellent place to come and chat or sound off and also to get advice on what to do / how to better cope!
Sorry to hear you're feeling down; it's understandable though, with your friend going off on an adventure (but that friend will be back???) and another relationship not being what you'd hoped for. And it's ok to say how you feel anyway - sometimes just saying it helps, don't you think?
In the meantime, I'm sending you a big big hug xxx
Welcome to One Space!
You talk about a lot of loss in your post, whether brereavment or a loss that was your choice, such as leaving your abusive relationship. Well done for doing so,
How are things with your son? I was just thinking that if you are feeling low, is this having an effect om him. Have you got friends around you for support or is loneliness a problem? I was also wondering if you thought counselling would be of some help. Stay with us as there is a lot of support here
Hi earthschildj
So much loss to deal with... I can be so overwhelming.
Loads of hugs.
This is a great place to come though. The virtual hugs are priceless.
Hi earthschildj. Welcome along. You've had a lot to deal with, and as Sparkling says, it can be so overwhelming. Please keep posting, as we'll all offer you our support, friendship etc, so you won't feel entirely on your own.
Dear all,
Thank you for your comments they mean a lot especially through this lonely period.
I am down a lot but I try and do the put on a brave face thing until my little boy is in bed and then let the emotions consume me. I probably need to start occupying my mind more but the thoughts keep whirling all the time. I've read some other posts and seen the paul mckenna book recommended so going to purchase when have some cash and see how i get on with that.
I guess the problem is at moment it's hard being best friends with someone still in love with altough can't tell him that. He is starting to pee me off by treating me in a certain way. I'm sort of resigned to my situation but just want the pain to stop and guess wanted to try and meet some other people to make the loneliness bearable.
Thanks again for yout comments.
J
why does my ex feel like he can play me. he wants me back but wants to take things slow - while he hangs around with 17 year old girls hes 31. i hate my life i have no friends. my baby keeps being sick all the time for a month and the doc dont care just keeps tellingme its a bug even tho she loss weight.
Hi sad girl
Firstly, it sounds like your ex has you just where he wants you. Somehow you need to be strong enough to say no and break the circle of getting back together.
With your baby, contact your health visitor. The health visitor just might have more time to give you and probably will have more idea of how things should be.
How old is your baby? My daughter used to be horribly sick, and I always had towels handy for her! (sorry, know that's not really a nice thought... She's 17 now!)
Don't hate your life. Life is really good if you can just possibly get a bit of control over it...
This board is a great place for support, and I'm sure Louise, one of the parenting specialists, will have some brilliant ideas.
Please be strong and say no to your ex.
Babies grow so quickly, its sad to miss this time. Christmas doesn't need to be an expensive time either. Something sparkly around will be loved. My lot still love tinsel, even though they're getting on a bit.
Hello sad girl, sorry to hear you are sad and you are welcome to One Space. I think sparkling lime has written a really good post. You do need to discuss this with your Health Visitor. Is your baby gaining weight? Is your baby fairly happy? When you say "sick", do you mean dribbly and constant or quite violent? If violent, this could be projectile vomiting and needs medical attention. Is there another doctor in your practice? If dribbly, you will have to have lots of bibs and towels handy, and be assured that once more solids are introduced this will probably ease.......but see what your Health Visitor says first, you never know, you might need to change your baby's milk or even the feeding regime.
Reading your post back, it feels to me as if you are weighed down by your problems, as if you haven't got any control and someone else is taking all the decisions.....the doctor and your ex. Time for your to grab the bull by the horns and take charge! As for your ex, if you are interested in getting back together then lay down your terms and conditions (including fidelity!) or walk away 
Hello earthschildj
The Paul McKenna book sounds a good idea. I know you are feeling very down at the moment but it feels as if you are not setting your own boundaries. One of the things that Mich says in her post (see here) is how helpful she has found it not to have contact with her ex. Ok he might feel guilty or he might say he is your friend but it is about what is right for YOU.
Hello earthchildj and welcome,
Sorry to hear that your feeling so low right now, you say that you are on anti depressants i was wondering if it was worth going back to your GP and telling them how you feel, they may be able to change your medication or come up with something else like counselling, do you think that this might be something that could help you?
Hi sad girl welcome from me too
The others have given you some great starting points to be going on with, going to your health visitor etc, i was wondering you say that you have no friends, do you have anyone that supports?
Hi earthschildj, welcome to the site - you really have gone through some losses recently, no wonder you're feeling so down. But I must say that I'm so impressed that you were able to go back into another relationship and give it all you've got.
You say this man was your soulmate - well maybe we all have more than one?
Look after yourself,
Lucy
Hi there,
The GP won't up the meds again as I feel that it's at a good level now. When they did up them in the summer made me feel ill. Yes I started counselling twice and gave it up feels it doesn't help or do much at this time. Maybe try it again later. It's silly i work in mental health know exactly what i need to do but it's always easier to give advice than listen to our own.
I guess the worst part of it is that horrible lonely feeling which i've found hasn't been too bad these last two nights and the wretched sadness of the loss as I never wanted it to happen. It's also hard seeing him now change as feel like I don't know him as well anymore which gets in the way of friendship.
Thank you Lucy I'm sure we do have more than one. Guess though it's that thing where fell in love, saw that as it and was more than happy in that and feel like he's taken that away and another loss (as the counsellor did point out) so hard going at the moment. Hard to see how you will be happy again in this situation. Think though Im going to concentrate on my own healing for the next year and not even think about men. Need to work through the past a little clear the way for the future.
Thank you all for your kind words and support it really does help not feeling so alone :).
J
Hi earthschildj
Now that sounds like a plan.....can I recommend a fab book to you if you are thinking of doing some healing work, here.
You now have this online community to support you as well, and you are definitely not alone!
Hello Earthchild.
That horrible lonely feeling you've experienced is even worse over Christmas and it's omething I've just gone through after losing my wife in February.After 23 years it was awful to sit here these last few days.Like you,I've been on anti depresant tablets and had counseling.They help slightly but not ideal long term.
My daughter (15) God bless her,has helped my a lot at times when I've felt like giving up.We aren't a big family and since the funeral my in-laws appear to have distanced themselves from us......and infact one or two of them have even been quite nasty.
I keep telling myself that things will get better and not to give up but at the moment I have so many ups and downs.Some days I feel like a good cry but hide it for the kids sake.It doesn't help I think because I don't see people much and other people have thier own set of problems.
But as I said,you're not alone with how you feel.
Hi Paulw. I've just welcomed you on the other thread The loss of your wife is still extremely raw. Crying in front of the children would perhaps be a good thing, being able to share your grief together. I realise you'd want them to think you were strong etc, but you also need to be able to grieve. Other people may have their own problems, but I'm sure good friends would want you to contact them. They might see you as coping and managing everyone fine, so have backed off a little. Could you perhaps give them a ring? As for the in-laws, I don't quite know what to say about it. Were you all okay when your wife was here? Do the children still see them, or have they distanced themselves from them too? Perhaps, seeing you all reminds them of her, and that is a reason for the seperation? Could you call them or write a letter maybe explaining how sad you all are to be apart from them?
Hi Paul, I would echo what Hazeleyes has said, and I have also left you a long post on the other thread. There is nothing wrong with a good cry, in fact it can release a lot of stress. I have talked on the other thread about the grieving process and it is really helpful if you can go WITH this process rather than fight against it.
You are very welcome here and there is lots of online friendship and support
Dear Paul,
Yes this time of year certainly does seem to magnify our loss as there's so much emphasis on family. I'm very fortunate to still be in contact with my ex, it's a very complicated situation as we were best friends before and still are after. But I lost my father not that long ago and so feel it more at this time of year.
Yeah pills and counsellig only go so far. What has helped me very recently is reading the Paul McKenna I can mend your broken heart. Where i usually would turn my nose up at self help books this one has some very interesting information about why we experience such intense emotional pain and tells us how we may still be living out habits that were meant for two people. Whilst your situation is different it may bring a little comfort through understanding why we experience emotional pain.
I have lost a lot of people in my life in the recent years both friends and family members. At first you just want to curl up into a heap and I was so depressed that each day i just felt like i was waiting for my own death and the quicker it came the better as didn't want to exist without them. I thought I would never heal but in time it did get easier and I came to realise that whilst I can't bring them back I can be grateful for that time I spent and keeping the memories alive keeps them safe in my heart and gives me the strength to live the life they would want me to live. It is very hard though as we can't be strong all the time and that's ok too. Another good book that's helped me is called "Dark Nights of the Soul" Thomas Moore. He basically states that embracing the dark night and not fighting against it is a cleansing process in it's own right and only in that can we heal and rebuild ourself and become deeply inspired.
Ups and downs are perfectly normal in your situation. In my line of work (mental health) we call them good days and bad days it's just part of your body's natural healing process. It will get easier with time problem is we can't accelerate the speed of time. If you do feel lonely and need to talk to someone then do message me as nothing worse than feeling like that alone.
Take care
Hi there and welcome to you.
Please don't feel bad about how you are feeling right now...there are some lovely people here to listen and give you support.