Hi my names D, 44 and 6 weeks out of a relationship that ended violently - still in shock as never thought I would experience it again after leaving another violent relationship 3 years ago with my youngests dad - will get my full story on soon at the mo its all a bit emotional xx
Hello shewolf67
Welcome to One Space!
As Hazeleyes says, things are raw so share whenever you feel ready, it sounds as if it has all been a great shock for you. Have a look at our online Freedom Programe, where you can have a look at patterns in your relationship and you can put things in their place and start to move forward with your life.
By the way I have edited out your real name as we like to keep things anonymous here 
How are you today?
hi Hazeleyes and Louise thanks for your replies :) I knew after my last violent relationship I could never stay with somebody who hit me ever again - but am still in shock that he actually did it to me - the signs werent there he was different to so many things I was aware of with my youngest son's dad - yer knew when it was coming with him and I put up with that for 8 years. My recent ex I had been with almost a year and that was the only time he hit me. My youngest is 10 years old - have managed to get some counselling sorted out for him through DV and the health visitor theyve been amazing - I did ring the police this time which i was very hesitant to do - but I couldnt drag my son through court to give evidence so i refused to make a statement - however at least it may scare my ex out of repeating it again> I have been back to the doctors today following my nose being reset two weeks ago - a result of him leaving me that night with nose broken in two places and fractured eye socket - am not happy with the way my face looks now feel very aware of it - have to go back in another fortnight and if I am still not happy the doctor will have no hesitation in referring me back to the hospital to get it sorted out properly. I hate my ex for what he has done to us just wish I could get over the nightmares and panic attacks but I guess time will do that.
Hello again, you are still suffering so many of the after-effects of the abuse, physically as well as mentally and emotionally.
You mentioned that you have sorted out somer counselling for your 10 year old, what about you? it sounds as if you could do with some support with your panic attacks and bad dreams.....those are symptoms of Poat Traumatic Stress Disorder. What help are you getting with that?
I just speak to lovely lass from domestic abuse shes coming out to see me next week also doing the freedom programme in October and I have had a look at it online - the doctor wont give me sleeping tablets for another 2 weeks - they are fully aware of my history of depression and suicide attempts so could be that reason - vicious circle really tho the less sleep i get the more down i feel!! I also have a couple of close friends to speak with but unless you have been in a similar kind of relationship sometimes they just dont know what to say ...
and on top of all this I feel like I have let my son down I was so SO careful about choosing my last 2 partners - the one before this ex (and after I had left sons dad) was a lovely lovely man and would never ever have hurt me and i threw it away after almost two years - then met this recent ex omg how could I have been so stupid?
Hello shewolf, you are not stupid at all. It could be that the abuse you have suffered in the past has continued to hang over you and given you a different take on relationships, thats all. See if the Women's Aid lady can suggest some counselling, she will know what is available in your area. You can get six free sessions through your GP but it sounds to me as if you could do with some longer term counselling to work things through.
hiya - yep its much more than the last decade or so - things go back to my childhood and although I have had bouts of counselling in the past it never seems to click properly with me - will sort out am sure .
Hi shewolf67,
Great user name
If you get the right counsellor for you - that is, someone you feel you can truly trust & confide in - I'm sure you can get to the bottom of what is going on for you. Like any other relationship, if the counsellor/client bond feels secure, therapy can be an incredibly rewarding process.
Good luck with getting what you need for yourself & your son.
Mary
Emotional is good, controlling it requires support... any time xx
Hi shewolf67. Welcome along. So sorry you've been through this, but a big well done that you got out of the relationship. You'll find lots of support here, so please do keep posting. Don't worry either about getting your full story on here, it's still raw for you, so take your time. How old are the children, and how are they handling things?