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hi there not sure if i am posting this to the right forum but here goes. i am 43 year old mother to 3 children 23,21 and 15. my marriage broke down 4yrs ago and the ex had an affair, this destroyed me and led me to 2 break downs and severe depression which i am still currently experincing, i am a lot better than i was but things are getting to me again and this time it is not my ex who is causing the heart break its my oldest children. Me and my oldest daughter were like sisters and she helped me more than anyone to recover from the breakup even though it tore her apart too but she was strong for me and also vice versa when she needed me. Anyway to cut a very long story my oldest daughter could not get on with my youngest daughter so decided to go live with her dad, i was fine abou this and to be honest i was relived to be rid of the constant fighting and bikering between them, the house became more sane so to speak... anyway things were ok for a while then my daughter just changed over night to being very judgemental to my parenting with my youngest daughter and and just stopped coming to see me. I let it go as i understood she had uni and her job to deal with and supported her always, whenever she was having a bad day she would always come to me. Now i never see her and we have become strangers and its killing me, she knows how i suffer with depression and also i forgot to mention i had to move because of the ex to a complete different location and i know no one, i don't have any friends and i lost my job through my depression so on my own 24/7 except for my dog and cat and also my daughter who is a teenager so not in a lot of the time which is to be expected. I also suffer very finacial problems and don't have any money for xmas presents this year because of losing my job, when my daughter lived with me i never took a penny off her and manged on what we had to eat etc at the time, she moved in with her dad and now pays him 150 per month, she always said she would help me if i needed it but she never has. She promised me a coat 2 months ago and i still haven't got one, i have resorted to charity shops to get one to keep warm. I could go on n on but i'm hoping your getting the jist of what i am trying to say, i just feel so let down and hurt so deeply, i can't believe my own daughter would treat me this way after all i have done for her and what i am going through, she won't even give her sister any clothes she don't need as i can't afford to buy her any. she could open up a fashion store with the amount of clothes she has and i am not going over the top, its the truth. anyway i just hope someone could give me some advice on how to get over this heart break...its killing me....:(
Hi uklady43. I'm sorry that you're feeling so bad at the moment. Please do as Louise suggests and go and see your GP. It could well be that if you're on antidepressants, they are the wrong ones, and can be easily sorted. As for your daughter, a letter would be a great starting point. Do you have any family nearby? The financial side of things, I completely sympathise on that one. Last year, my son had mostly second hand things, he didn't know of course, but I did, and it tore me apart. He's only 9, but your girls are old enough to understand the financial stress. Could you manage a small present for each maybe. Freecycle is a good site, and you can get good stuff from there. Charity shops are good too, though of course you have to pay something. Please keep posting as we can offer support, and you can let off steam on here too, which does help a great deal.
Hello from me too.
I'm sorry that life is hard going at the moment.
My youngest is 12 and does understand that this year a stocking is all they'll be having (unhealthy as it will all be chocolates!). But that's how it is and they need to deal with this.
I'm wondering if you would be able to volunteer for a couple of hours a week, whether it be in a charity shop or perhaps a women's support group? It would get you involved with other adults, which really can help to lift your spirits and give you something to look forward to.
Thinking of you.
hi and and thank you all for your comments.....Louise i know what you saying about being dependent on my daughter for support finacially but that's not really the issue to be honest, i just find it hard to believe that she wouild see me stuggle and not even offer to help in anyway she can, i most probably wouldn;t accept it anyway but its the fact that she doesn't care anymore. and when my youngest daughter sees her and her dad they are sitting there talking xmas shopping list while playing on there i phones.....it just hurts me...maybe its because i am so close to my own mam and i would never hurt my mam the way she has done to me and i just find it so hard to deal with. it sounds like i'm just after money and it's totally not.....i just want to have what we had....:( when i do see her i never talk about her dad, i will admit i did at the begginning because i was so devastated and i do regret that now. I am on medication with my depression and did see a counciller for a while which helped me lots. I have just came back from spending the weekend with my parents and i do feel a lot better and think maybe i just need to get on with things and try to stop feeling sorry for myself and try to make xmas a nice one for me and my youngest daughter, i have spoke to her about money and she understands....i think the best present i can give her to see her mam happy....:)
hi hazle eyes and thankyou for your advice on the recycle. i never knew there was a site for this....going have a look now.....:)
hi sparkinlime....i have just started doing voluntary with wrvs one day a week at my local hospital coffee shop, i have met some lovely woman and really enjoy it, i'm hoping to get kept on there and work for them full time after the new year.....:)
Hi uklady43
Glad you feel a bit better, we are here to support you. I still think it is worth thinking about writing your eldest a letter saying you miss her and asking if you can meet up
Hi uklady43. Did you find Freecycle site any good? Hope you managed to find a few things on there 
Glad you're feeling a bit better after visiting your parents. I think having a good chat, and getting things off your chest can work wonders, not always mind, but it can help occassionally. Hope you have a lovely weekend.
I'm glad. Somehow being with people helps so much...
Hi, I realise you are going through a bad patch, but if you look at it from outside, kids shouldn't be parents shoulders to cry on, so really it's enough that your daughter is between a rock and a hard place, at the end of the day, however b... her father is, still her father (and i talk from knowing). I can empathise with you because I don't like my ex, and of course when you see the kids that you have brought up with so much struggle siding with maybe the part that is more selfish it hurts, but if you can try and get over it and find help and friendship from friends, which being a single mum you may have to make new ones and counsellors and maybe even a job, thats better, asking children to sort your emotional problems out or give you support is not such a good idea. You'll get by, and you will find wonderful friends maybe a boyfriend, and most likely you will need to be strong for when your daughter comes back hurt. Good luck! The best is to come!
Hello uklady43
I am sorry to hear that you are in such a difficult place at the moment. First things first: are you receiving treatment for your depression at the moment? and even if you are, it sounds as it might be a good idea to see your GP to adjust that treatment,
Secondly not only have you given everything you could to your eldest daughter but also she has supported you in the past and you feel as if since moving to her dad's she has turned against you a bit. You also mention that she pays towards housekeeping at her dad's but really that is what she SHOULD be doing....and if you chose not to ask her for money when she was at your house then that was your choice.
Next, you were hoping that you may get a coat as a gift, and your youngest might be able to get some hand me down clothes. This would be fantastic if it happened but you cannot expect this automatically.....a parent "signs up" to do everything for a child when they decide to have a child but the child is not obligated to help once they are no longer part of the household. I think your hurt has come from the fact that she has not seemed to notice yoiu struggling, or spent time with you lately, almost as if she has left you behind. That is enough to tear a parent's heart in two. I sympathise with you a great deal on that one!
In summary there are two issues here: you want to see your daughter and you would also hope for some help from her. I feel is important not to let the two issues overlap when you do have contact with her, heaven forbid she might think that you had an extra motive for contacting her....which I know you do not. What you want is to have her in your life again.
What I suggest is that you write her a letter. Do not mention anything to do with money, or even her dad. Just say that you miss her and would love to meet up.
With regard to your finances, are you on Employment Support Allowance? What is the situation with your 21 year old, are they able to contribute to the household? With regard to a coat etc, why not join your local Freecycle and put in a request.
Sorry this is so long but maybe you could respond and together we will try to make things better for you