Tallulahtwinkle
DoppleMe

Hi,

I live on my own with my daughter who is 13 in July and my son who is 8.

My daughter has changed beyond recognition, I am totally at my wits end with her. At first it was just the usual answering back but then I had bad reports from school where she had alwasy previously done well. She is now on report to head of year on a daily basis.

Yesterday school informed me she did not arrive until 11.30am! I was on a half day and I returned home to find the house smelling of cigarette smoke!!

It turns out she and 2 other girls thought to go back there and watch tv instead of going to school but she can't explain why! I know it is not her smoking as I have never smelled it on her breath or her clothes and I am aware that one of these other girls does smoke.

I ended up calling her father, although he sees the kids for a few hours a week at his mums, we have not spoken for years due to his wife playing silly buggers between us regarding CSA.

He drove to pick her up and took her out to speak to her last night, she returned very angry and she hates everyone etc.

Whilst she was gone I threw away all her make up as he had expressed his concerns about her pics on Facebook where she looks too old and I do agree. I know she is too young for FB but she mithered so much I let her have an account providing I was on her friend list, but she has now blocked me! Frown

I really don't know what to do, she is making life very unpleasant for us all. I have a boyfriend who I have been seeing for almost 18 months, he doesn't live with us, he is divorced with children who do not live with him. It is begining to affect us and I feel if it carries on he will walk away, and who can blame him?

At the moment I am just bursting into tears a lot, I told my mum but she doesn't understand, everything is so different now from 25 years ago when I was that age, plus she had my dad too and I had respect for them. My feelings towards my daughter are at an all time low, I told my boyfriend I wish I'd never had children and I think he was a bit horrified that I could say that but it's how I feel now, I honstly don't feel any love for her at the moment and I wish someone could just take her away from me.

I really don't know what to do. Has anyone else felt like this?

Posted on: January 23, 2013 - 11:40am
Anna
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi TT, I have left a message on your introduce yourself thread and asked you some questions, but I see here that you have spelled out some of what is going on for you.

How you feel about your daughter right now is very common, we can really dislike them, but you know deep down that you love her.

She is going through a huge amount of emotions at the moment, puberty, friendships, relationship with you, her father, all of these are whizzing around her brain and she is trying to make sense of it all.

First and foremost I am wondering if you and her ever spend any quality time together? Whether it be cooking together, watching a DVD or painting your nails in the same room?

It is essential that your daughter feels as though she is likeable and the way we can emphasise that is spend time with them. I know this isn't easy, but it is do-able.

How does your daughter feel about your current boyfriend? How does she feel towards her dad? His new wife?

It sounds as though the 'talk' she had with her dad didn't go well. Perhaps you could use this to your advantage and an intro to talking with her?

Does your son go to bed earlier than you two? If so that is when you can have some time just being girls together.

There is so much to say (I have an 18yr old daughter!), but I would be interested in your response to these questions first.Smile

 

Posted on: January 23, 2013 - 6:02pm

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hello from me too. We have lots of suggestions for helping with teenagers but I don't want to bombard you so I will wait for you to answer Anna's post (above) and we can gradually put together an action plan with you!! Laughing

Posted on: January 24, 2013 - 9:13am