Grounds for Unreasonable Behaviour

MY wife and i married in the UK and we moved to China in 2011 because the failure of our business. At that time our marriage was already in serious trouble and i was even going to stay in the UK, but as we had one young child and another on the way i decided to move for the sake of trying to make things work, a fresh start and everything! Things didn't get better and we discussed separation in July, she moved into her parents new home and i stayed living in her parents old home as i couldn't afford my own rented place. I had a car accident in China after giving a female work colleague a lift home. I cannot speak a word of Chinese, well some but not enough to hold a conversation, and so i was completely helpless to sort this issue out by myself, i tried to phone my wife to help she didn't answer and so i phoned the girl i had given a lift to. We became friends and our relationship developed over the following months.

I moved from my wife's parents home and into an apartment provided to me by my employer. However, 3 months later i had moved out and back into my wife's parents old apartment with their agreement, my reasons for moving back to my wife's parents apartment were that the school apartment offered to me was only based upon if no other new teachers needed it. So i had no guarantee of staying there, and i was also paying a pretty large amount for maintenance costs to the apartment and felt it unfair given that all other members of staff were living their for free. My relationship continued to grow with my work colleague, she helped me with many things as like i said i couldn't speak any chinese, so even simple things like going to the hairdressers, paying bills etc... i would ask her to help me.

We had a short 3 day holiday together as we were both going through difficulties. We had also been texting each other a lot everyday pretty much. I never told my wife about this relationship, it was my mistake and wish i had come out and been honest, but people here in China have a different view on separation, in fact they do not even have separation laws here, and i didn't want this new girl to be affected by any of this. Thing is my wife obviously found out about the holiday and this is when things started to go completely wrong and turn from an amicable divorce into a very very stressful several months. She began firstly with threatening to go to my work place and inform my boss, i work or worked, in an international school, and our son also went to this school, some of the conditions of me working there were tied into reductions paid towards his tuition fees.

After finding out about the holiday she moved back into her parents old apartment where i was also currently staying, i said i didn't want her to, but it was her place so i couldn't stop her. Admittedly when she moved back in, we kind of tried to make things work again, but it failed, she would blame me of having an affair and we would just keep arguing. 3 weeks after she moved in, i moved out and into my own rented apartment. During these months me and the other girl had no contact, but we did start speaking again when the school reopened in August. I also lost my phone around this time and as it was in my wife's name i told her she needed to cancel the contract. SHe did but she also got phone records, and she found that amount me and this other girl had been texting each other alot. This again made everything much worse, she had previously asked me how i communicated with this girl and i told her via text messages. But i think seeing the bill shocked her and made her angry and upset again. She stopped me seeing the kids over the summer holidays, saying that she didn't want to see me, i agreed so as to try and calm the situation down, but things really only got worse. At this point her threats had gotten quite bad. Her family are very very rich, and brought her an apartment before we moved to China, it is brand new, not even completed yet. She also had a brand new BMW brought for her.

I had previously agreed to sign a document stating i would try to fight her for the apartment. And now we were discussing writing up a separation agreement, we had originally done one but not signed, which was drafted by her brother, but neither of us ever got around to signing it. However this new one was causing all kinds of arguments, she was trying to make me pay more child support than i could afford and should be paying, she wanted me to give her ful custody of the children and she wanted me to pay back money which was lent by her parents for the business and also money for my operation. None of the money ever lent was ever lent with a agreement of it being paid back, in fact the business agreement was it the business failed we would move to China, and we did. However i never said to her i wouldn't pay the business money back only i couldn't afford to now. I made at the time, 8000RMB a month (800 GPB) I would after tax and deductions of 11% for Chinese government and pension and health insurance, end up with only 6900 RMB, i agreed to give my wife 2000RMB of this per month. My rent amounts to 2500 per month so after pay everything out i would be left with 2400RMB a month, it was barely enough to live off with having to pay bills and shopping etc...

Anyway i tried to keep thing amicable, not because of guilt but it is my nature, i am not a confrontational person in nature and it is because of my naivety and my nature i find myself in the mess i am in. I wanted a quick divorce she had kept threatening me almost weekly with telling my employer about this relationship, she was basing it on the fact she wanted to protect our son who goes there, thing is, without me working there his tuition would be higher, and no one at the school even knew of this relationship anyway. Because i wanted a quick divorce we agreed to change our separation date, on the basis i agreed to give her legal custody of the kids. I wasn't happy with it, and she swore to me that she wouldn't stop me seeing them. My position at the time was of not clear thinking, i had pressure from her and her family continuously harassing me for money, i had financial issues trying to pay child support and my rent and bills, and i was worried she would go to the school and ruin my job there, which would also subsequently mean i would not be able to stay in China any longer due to my visa. I was under considerable pressure, i didn't seek any legal advice as i couldn't afford it, and i also put faith in her words. However as soon as we had signed the new agreement -sometime in sept- she went straight to my employer, she told him she had custody of the kids and was only allowed to see them with her permission and as i my son went to the same school i worked at she was thinking of getting a court involved if i continued to work there and see my son there also.

She made everything about our orignal separation, which we had both agreed upon, and was now saying she had no idea, and i wanted an affair, also saying i hadn't seen the kids, even though it was her who originally stopped me seeing them, I found out the reason she stopped me seeing the kids over the summer holidays was because she told her parents i went back to the UK for the summer break, i didn't i was still working in the my usual job. She basically made out that i had been having an affair with this girl, and she wasn't aware we were separated until after she moved out for the 2nd time. Her action has forced me into a position of me having to hand in my resignation at my work. I have since stopped all contact with her, i have not seen my kids for a long long time. I stopped our divorce going through as i realised that falsifying information is a serious offence and it was not my intention to do this, i was ignorant to the effects of what i was doing, just simply not thinking things through with a clear mind. Now i am thinking clearly and i have ceased communications with her, i can see how badly i have handled things, but the point remains during all of this we were separated.

Now i certainly do not claim that what i have done is by any stretch of the imagination morally correct, but as stated in Law, during a separation both parties are free to meet new people and each shall live with out interference from the other. I met this girl after we had been separeted and our relationship didn't develop until several months after my separation began. I have - at every turn - agreed to things that she demanded, if not simply to make things less stressful for myself, i agreed to not fighting her over the house, she can keep it! I agreed i would at some point pay back money which i actually have no legal obligation to pay back, i even agreed to give her custody of the children on her promise and basis that i could still have access to them with her consent, something she swore she would adhere to by still letting me see them. But she subsequently used this very agreement to force me into handing in my resignation at work. I have had so much stress this past 7 months since she found out about the holiday. I have thought about committing suicide as i could see no way of me rectifying the broken relationship with my children when she stopped me seeing them, also due to the financial burden i was under. I agreed to pay her 2000RMB or 20% of my wages which ever amounted to the most, i did this because i felt it fair for me to continue supporting my children, even though that was an amount equal to 30% of my already very low wage income, and if you take out my rent in actual fact it is closer to 60% of it. I should have been honest with her from the start about my relationship with this girl, but like i said, things are viewed here a little differently and i didn't want it to affect her or my work.

I would have told her when we felt the time was right to do so. I have made a bit of a mess of things by trying to control it all myself and not seek any legal advice. But now i want to see if i have grounds to file for unreasonable behavior, she has harassed me at my work place and cost me my job, she threatened me on an almost weekly basis with money i have to pay back and paying more support money, and now i also have no right to even see my children. I have gone through the dark days, my mind is thinking clearly again, she has nothing left to threaten me with, she knows about the relationship, she has taken my kids from me and she has cost me my Job. I would wait for the two year separation, but i know she will not sign, or she will say she will, then use it again to make demands of me about paying money back etc.... I don't want to go through what i have just been through again, i also want access to my children, our separation agreement states, that if either party fails to sign the divorce papers based upon the terms in this agreement then the separation agreement is null and void, well i stopped the divorce because of the incorrect separation date, the papers never reached the courts, so in my mind she has no legal right to stop me seeing them i think. I want this divorce over with, i cannot take another few months like this again. It is best for everyone involved if this is ended quickly, and that i can again see my children every other weekend as we had originally agreed to. My wife was aware of the original reasons for our separation, how we continually argued and barely spoke to each other, how it would make our son cry when we did, we simply couldn't live under the same roof anymore, but after finding out about the other relationship, she uses all this as the only reason me wanting a separation. I didn't even know this girl when we first discussed separation.

I have tried to explain everything as clearly and fairly as i see them. What chances do i have to file for Unreasonable Behavior? Would i need to return for court appearances, and if file a petition but then it fails, is it going to affect my 2 year separation petition next year?