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Going through the motions!


Hello there! I have a lovely 2 year old daughter and unfortunately I am also in the process of getting divorced, I am looking for help from experienced divorcees, male or female. Can anyone help me in terms of the process/ emotions etc?

Posted on: February 14, 2011 - 11:45am


Just wanted to welcome you to this site.

I am sorry I can not give you any advice as I have only recently split from my ex and not getting divorced just yet but I am sure that there will be a few people on this site who will be able to give you some.

Please stay with the sight and hopefully you will find loads of support and advice that you need.

Shaz x

Posted on: February 14, 2011 - 11:50am





Thanks for the reply. I guess the uncertanty of the whole process that is worrring me! Thanks all the same, hope your situation works out for the best.


Take Care!

Posted on: February 14, 2011 - 11:57am




Sorry to hear what you are going through. I have a little 2 year old DD. Have been split after 12 years for 5 months now. I had lots of emotions flying around to start off with but in time things will change. It will just take time . Sorry no answers to the process of divorce but others here will be able to shed some light.


Posted on: February 14, 2011 - 12:01pm



My situation is, hopefully, sorting itself out - I am growing a pair and telling the ex how things will be - the only reason we are not getting divorced at the moment is due to finances. I need to be out of this situation with him but just can not afford it at the moment.

shaz x

Posted on: February 14, 2011 - 12:05pm



Yes I guess it’s the uncertainty of it all, I love my daughter I just want to be the best dad I can be. Finances are not so much of an issue, it’s the visit rights, both generally and things like holidays. I guess I will get help from lots of people, it’s just that it’s new and not something I envisaged when we married 13 years ago!!


Thanks all the same.

Posted on: February 14, 2011 - 12:10pm




I can understand your position, you just want rid, same here. I will be discussing the finances with my solicitor as this is key to a lot of things.


Good luck.


Posted on: February 14, 2011 - 12:12pm


I so want rid - Like him walking under a bus or something Kiss. But I need to be sensible for my 2 year old monkeys sake.  He loves his dad and I can see it every time they are together... 

Posted on: February 14, 2011 - 12:20pm

Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hello ITMAN67

Welcome to One Space! I know you must be in a whirl of confusion right now: as to where to start. I saw that you are seeing a solicitor shortly: that is good as you need to find out where you stand.

As far as your daughter is concerned: the best way to help and support her is for her NOT to be caught in conflict between you and her mother. The more amicable you can be about parenting time, the better. Please also note that parents do not have a any "rights", as such. The Family Courts regard it as a CHILD'S "right" to maintain a relationship with both parents, provided it is safe to do so (eg if one parent was a drug addict this might be questioned, for example).

If the two of you disagree about what would be the best way to share the parenting time, try to sort it out, perhaps with the help of another family member, but you can also go to Family Mediation.

Do stay with us for lots of support, and you may also find Separated Dads helpful.

We have lots of interesting articles here on this site and I will list a few for you to look at:


When you and your ex disagree

How to recover from a broken heart

Non-resident parents (video)

Hope this all helps! Laughing

Posted on: February 14, 2011 - 12:27pm



Good Afternoon ITMAN67


My name is Stuart and have been through the process of divorce 3 years ago when my ex started another relationship with another man.

Yes it was a very confusing hurtful and painful time like a rollacoster ride and you carnt get off.

The process for me took 9months and i took one day at a time as she dident want to get divorced from me, it really hurt and has changed my views about relationships so much.

At first dident believe it then in shock  and upset that it ended that way then had to fight for what i wanted (ie keep my children home and life we had come to love) was very angry and could  not believe someone i though i know was so horrible.

Going through the courts and stuff for me was a harrowing experience they are there to do a job they show no emotion while you are going through a tough time but for me it was well worth it now three years down the line it was the best thing my ex ever did to be relesed from her and become my own person.

Stuart keep posting with help and advise as best i can as everyones situation is different.


Posted on: February 14, 2011 - 2:47pm

Parenting specialist DoppleMe


Sorry to hear about your impending divorce, have you visited www.divorceresource.co.uk? They have some good information on their site about the emotions that you may face. 

Will your daughter be living with you or her mother?

Posted on: February 14, 2011 - 5:41pm


Hi ITMAN67. Just wanted to welcome you along. Don't have experience of the divorce stuff, sorry. Keep posting, as you've joined a lovely, supportive group. Take care.

Posted on: February 14, 2011 - 8:36pm



Sorry I have not replied sooner to your post yesterday, I have been slightly delayed. In answer to your question that I am not sure, my wife is the likely carer for my Daughter although her job brings with huge demands on her time, one of the reasons we are going our separate ways-(Do not read in to that comment that I sexist in any way shape or form). I guess the standard response would be with her mum although if my wife decided, she could do, I should I have then I would be over the moon.


Posted on: February 15, 2011 - 3:08pm



Thank you Hazeleyes, i am getting the feeling there is hope and support our there!!

Posted on: February 15, 2011 - 3:09pm


Hello from me too.

It'll be seven years since the children and I left next month.

I feel there is no easy road ahead really.  I found it really hard, and it was me who decided to leave (looooong story).

If you are able to keep things amicable, that is so much easier.  Hopefully your daughter will settle into a new way of life.  Both parents being positive is the best way forward.

It sounds so simple that part, doesn't it?

I really do hope that things go smoothly and amicably for you.  I'm sorry you're facing this though.

Posted on: February 15, 2011 - 4:09pm

Parenting specialist DoppleMe


Have you found any useful information for the emotional effects of Divorce? Please share them with us if so.

Posted on: February 16, 2011 - 4:17pm


Yes although i really do need to speak to someone, maybe local!

Posted on: February 22, 2011 - 10:00pm



Have you thought about counciling, yes i to found it hard to find men to talk to about the emontionl efects of a break up.

I am willing to listen to you and support you as much as i can


Posted on: February 22, 2011 - 10:08pm

Parenting specialist DoppleMe

That's great, Stuart, thanks for offering your support.

ITMAN76, exploring your feelings is one side of things and getting practical help like legal advice is another. For legal advice, click here to find an adviser. For counselling, you can get six free sessions through the GP, but there will be a waiting list. Alternatively, contact Relate and they will arrange to see you, with payment being according to your means.

Posted on: February 23, 2011 - 9:52am