This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
The Git turned up on Thursday to see the children. While the children are aware that he is not welcome in the house, I did tell them they could come into the kitchen - tea, coffee, coke, mince pies etc... I shut myself in the living room with the dog.
They didn't come in - which is fine.
The children didn't have a Christmas present. Youngest was mad, but after my usual 'presents aren't what Christmas is about, and how lovely was it to see Dad and J' he was fine. Other three just don't seem to be bothered - which is good.
The Git and Gittess were up before Christmas collecting her daughter. Father-in-law gave him £100 to cover petrol costs. Mother-in-law fuming, as she doesn't see why the petrol costs should be covered when he didn't want to see his own children...
Suited me.
They brought her daughter back on Tuesday, and travelled back to where they live yesterday.
My mother-in-law is so distressed by the fact that he didn't get them presents. Told her children had no problem.
Had a lovely meal there today, and mother-in-law and I were washing dishes. She went through to do something, and father-in-law comes into the kitchen. Tells me how much he dislikes The Gittess. Speaks loudly and saying how The Git will weep as the children won't talk to him on the phone.
Father-in-Law knows full well that The Git phoned the older two once on their mobiles when they were both in lessons at school. They didn't know who the number was and didn't ring back. They showed me the number and I told them that it was probably their father and to ring him.
They wouldn't.
He phoned on eldest's birthday, and chatted with them all for a while. That was the first call to the landline (he does have my phone number and address. I do not have contact details for him as he has not given them to me). He phoned xmas day, and they again had a good chat.
I made the older two text happy new year to their father, and he made a point of phoning daughter's mobile while we were there (he knew we were going). She answered. She always answers her phone.
Which makes it clear the father is exaggerating in some way when it comes to saying phone calls are not answered.
Father-in-Law spoke of the texts she sent back in March with The Gits birthday (mother-in-Law told him), and he does know that what she comes out with is rubbish.
Mother-in-Law was delighted to come in and find Father-in-Law speaking so openly with me about things.
She broke down over the no present thing, and has given the children an extra £10 each, making it plain to the older two why she's done this.
She cried with my daughter, saying how awful it was that she didn't get a present off her dad...
I have to say, it has been far easier for me without him being around. The more things like this he does, the happier I am, as his actions can speak louder than anything I could ever say. I am, however, so sorry to see mother-in-law upset though.
We played scrabble and she was fine later.
Happy to see The Git being a Git though...
Hi Sparkling. Its good that your and ex father-in-law had the chat. At least he has both sides of story now. That was really lovely of your mother-in-law to give the children £10 each. She shouldn't have too of course, if the Git had given something, even a litttle token, that would have pleased the kids I'm sure. Like you say, the more 'wrongs' he does!!!
I think The Git can justify no presents as he knows I'd have got them presents. As far as I know her ex husband plays no part in her childrens lives, so they could see this as not being an issue.
I don't think his dad sees him as a victim, as all this lack of reponsibility was going on from before The Git met her. I feel the 'weeping' part has been dismissed with no sympathy. Father-in-Law has never got on with The Gittess.
They do ask the children if they've heard from him, and daughter was the one who mentioned the missed call to them, with eldest piping up he'd had one too. It's good they can all talk openly about it with their grandparents.
One word that has been used since before I took the decision to leave has been choice.
What has disappointed me is that they are happy to put all this onto an ill man, who's condition is not helped by stress. Not only does he have little thought for his children, but little for his Dad too - who is such a lovely, lovely man.
Added up the hours of contact for 2010 - 36.5 hours. Which probably would have been better than the 40.5 hours of 2009 had they not left the area.
There were a lot more things said yesterday, but the main thing is that they were able to express how they felt - better than simmering - and really enjoy time with their grandchildren.
It is lovely that you and the children still have a good relationship with the grandaprents, sparkling 
I wish i did. My ex has my daughter every other week but since he stopped paying maintenance in November he has made excuses not to see her. He had her for 5 hours on boxing day and took him to his wives mum and dads and she didnt get to see her cousins or anything. I was really good friends with his sister up until recently which is why i think the maintenance has stopped. We fell out and they started talking again after 2 years. I was there for her 3 kids fo 2 years when he didnt bother and now cos their talking again i'm shut out. His mother knows what he has been doing with not paying etc and his general attitude towards her and doesnt even bat an eye lid he can do no wrong in her eyes.
Boxing day came and he didnt even have a card for her let alone a present his response was sorry i didnt have chance to get anything but i will take you to build a bear and you can make your own. Yeah great. (when she told him what i got her which i was saving up all year for as i got her a netbook he said "that must have been expensive). Its different when it comes to his new daughter she got spoilt and she is only 1.
On new years eve i sent his mum a text saying i know you didnt see her over christmas can i bring her down to see you cos she misses you and her reply was i have given her presents to her dad. I just replied i never mentioned anything about presents she wanted to see you but you know what don't bother.
They really show that blood is thicker than water no matter how much he has lied to them especially his sister and she knows that.
Your lucky you get on with them and your children seem to be loved by them.
x
Hi pinkprincess83. It is sad when the grandparents and other members of the ex's family drift away when there is a split. My son 8 doesn't even know his grandparents, then again, he doesn't know his spem doner either. Only seen him twice in his life. I gave the Grandfather an opportunity, as he seemed delighted to learn he had a Grandchild, but he immediately said he didn't want to get involved. The Grandmother lives around the corner from me, and also didn't want to know. I'd rather my son didn't know the likes of these people anyway, as far as I'm concerned, my son isn't missing out on anything. They are cold hearted people, and I just hope they can live with themselves, knowing they have rejected a child.
Fourteen year old became fifteen yesterday. Had a card - and a phone call. The Git didn't want to speak to the other three...
Oh dear 
It doesn't get any better, does it, sparkling lime? Mind you at least he remembered, although I must say why the heck should we be grateful for things like that? I get excited for my boys when it is their birthdays and it seems awful that a parent might forget it altogether!
Hi pinkprincess83
That is sooooooo sad. I have worked with separated families for ten years now and have talked with so many distressed grandaprents who no longer see their grandchildren, you would think your ex mother in law would jump at the chance of spending time with her.
I share your view that it is inconceivable that they could have a clear conscience about you getting no financial support. I went for six years with no maintenance myself, although their grandparents still saw them. It did not seem to register that I had an evening job two nights a week as well as a day job just to keep a roof over their grandchildrens' heads. My youngest overheard his auntie critcising me on one visit (that I hadn't brought them up properly.....ermm hello, my children are not perfect but parenting advice is part of my PROFESSSION....maybe she meant that they wore clothes from charity shops and did not have any holidays abroad like their cousins??) so I think my boys made up their own minds in the end!
My lot still love him...
Which is good, I suppose!
The Git's father doesn't see the maintenance thing and issue now as his son is a student.
My foster sister has issues with her son, who's approaching 30. He has children, and as hard as my foster sister can be at times, she seems to be hearing what I say about supporting her granddaughters. She can see how unacceptable her son's behaviour has been (major issues there).
Se will send money in a card, and will get on the train to see them every now and then. To be fair to the girls Mum, although she can be nasty (I'm guessing taking frustrations out on my sister), she does allow access.
She worries that these visits may stop due to her son's continued behaviour, and I've told her that as things are there are so few rights for grandparents.
I will always be glad that this lot have a good relationship with their grandparents. I admire father-in-law, as he did, I know, find it difficult. As she's his step-mother, the continued relationship is all down to her.
Hi sparkling, you seem to have come through it all in a very calm way, considering.
Your Father in law: all that business about the children's dad "weeping" and then he was criticising the new partner.......do you think it is handy for him to think of his son as a bit of a victim in all this, and make the new partner out to be the evil one, and "insurmountable obstacles" put in his way (a couple of unanswered calls
)? Bit easier for your mother in law as it is not her biological son, but for him, well maybe he feels a bit ashamed about it all and tries to alleviate that feeling by passing the blame????
The lack of prezzies is dreadful!