Thank you everyone.xxglad u back on Skyflower hope u ok.xx Im not good , thankyou for your kind messages. yes i need to write down positives . i dont know what wrong with me . i will pick myself up again just give me time. Thank you all . hope u all ok. xx
Hey Flowers,
Good idea flowers, just write it down, and you will see that you have achieved so much these last weeks. And you can send the kids to the school that is better for them, that in itself is such achievement and they will love you for it.
Feel for you flowers, and will think of you xx
To be honest Flowers, I am having a hard time as the house is with so many boxes which need emptying, it is so hard to do all by yourself and with the kids off from school, to learn about new fridge, freezer, cooker, oven , washing machine....
I am very happy in the new house though as it is lovely but had hardly any sleep as we had the storms and fire alarms going off in the middle of the night.
I also have a little dog, she is normally great as I spend a lot of time with her, but over the last few days I spent less as I am so busy and she poops all over on purpose to get my attention.
It would be nice to meet all of us somewhere, maybe one day it is possible, far away or not.
Did you manage to get your medicines that you need ? Is it kicking in ? It must be so hard for you, do you have friends around you that can help you through this or family ? Thinking of you Flowers, for a while, when I felt low, I went just to bed at the same time as the kids, reading the iPad and listening to music rather than be alone watching tv on my own.
Music can make you feel down, but when you deliberately put something lifting on, it does help changing your mood.
Speak tomorrow Flowers, hang in there, you can do this. As long as you know they are moods, you know you go through it and it will change xx
I hope your low mood passes quickly, great idea to write all the positives down, talking to a friend or someone can help too.
Hi flowers, how are you doing today? I hope you are feeling a little better? Do you have sunshine today? That always makes me feel better!
Skyflower, nice to see you back again and great to hear that the house is lovely! Happy box unpacking 
Flowers, how are you today ? Hope to speak with you soon xx
Hi Anna didn't see your post!! Must be my glasses. Yes unpacking loads and throwing away stuff...it is starting to look like something :)
Great Skyflower, keep up the good work! I hope the boys are helping?
Yes Anna, TV today wow, what a luxury, I am really pleased how everything is starting to flow :) today they took the hood off in the kitchen as it was the wrong one and all the tiles as there was supposed to be a splashback, they will paint tomorrow and put a new hood and splashback on Friday and also the carpet will be taken out on Friday and laminate in, so slowly slowly things are put right.
Couldn't count on the charity picking up washing machine, tumbler and dishwasher. They have no time ? very strange.
flowers where are you, we miss you xx
Good to hear that everything is coming together gradually, it sounds lovely, were the charity picking up your old washing machine etc for the shop or moving them to your new place?
I was getting rid of somethings when i moved and had tried to give them to a charity shop they wanted to charge me £15 to collect it, which baffled me, but it was their lose as friends, family and neighbours benefited from them.
I know!! I've given it all now to a friends son, as all of it was just 3 years old and dishwasher never used as the kitchen was too small to be placed. It was from the old house and for them to keep actually. Never mind, my friends son is very happy with it :)
Hello Skyflower and it is good to see you back on, life is busy for you at the moment as you sort everything out in the new house but how exciting that it is all coming together for you 
Hi Flowers, sorry to hear that you have been struggling, it is hard during the low times to remember that overall the movement is positive.
One thing you could consider is making yourself a special box or container. In this you can put lots of things that could be helpful during a low time. I am thinking of a CD of the uplifting music, pieces of paper or card with positive things written on them, or even a poem, a favourite photo, maybe something your child drew or made when they were very small, a couple of sweets if you like sweets, something that smells nice such as a bar of scented soap or a perfume sampler (you can get these free at perfume counters), a hanky or scarf made of nice material, whether you prefer silky or cotton-type. You get the idea...we are all different as to what we may like.
Then when you get a low spell, you don't have to make the massive effort to remember all your positive things, all you have to remember is to get out your box, and it's all there waiting for you.
Is there any justice in this world i dont bloody think so. Why is it we atill suffer and the abusers walk away with everything .life is crap!!!!!!!
hi flowers, I so feel for you,
What has happened flowers that makes you feel so down, I thought that things looked a little better, what happened with the solicitors and all ?
I don't know why it is this way flowers, when men show they want visits or full custody, they just seem to have an easy life and we have to juggle to comply but show that we do everything to stay safe too.
What helped me a lot with the system, were the books of Lundy Bancroft : when dad hurts mom why does he do that and the batterer as a parent.
It very much describes the system and how professionals work and how to protect yourself from all sorts of accusations.
It is a terrible survival trip whereas what we really need when we come out of an abusive relationship, is care, kindness, help.
I must say that this website at the toughest moments, when I thought I was going to lose my children, was there for me with a lot of understanding. I hope it can be for you that way.
I will help you flowers xx
I am so sorry, you have lost your children at the moment. It is usually a fase and come back when they realise who is the kind and caring parent, but that does not help you now as you just feel the loss
Skyflower ive lost my son and i dont know how to get him back so bloody painful , my x has got him his love and his control and theres no getting in. ive lost him. He was my first and he was a mummys boy and now hes so far away its hard to reach him . Im just someone who he stays with on 2 days a wk while dad is at work. Solicitor fine he recieved letter kicked off as expected. He is in my house with my eldest son my daughter my house where is the justice skyflower because i cant see any..my kids are my world and hes distroying it. Ispent today with my daughter and all i heard was what he has been buying etc etc its so bloody hard to keep mouth shut but i did.I wish hed go away forever i wish i never married him . Why do they get away with it this is what im struggling with .im starting to feelresentment about my eldest how awful s this i feel if he doesnt love and want me whats the use . i know im his mum and i will always b here but sometimes it hurts so badly that i get angry emotions towards him. What do i do Skyflower? Is this normal ? am i an awful mum? im going to get that book u suggested thank you for that. Why cant i move on skyflower like u have. i dont want him back but im struggling to move on as he winds me up the wrong way all the time and i let him instead of saying oh carry on ., why am i doing this . do u have the answer? sorry im having to lean on u and everyone else on here . xx
O flowers you are in such a difficult position at the moment. You say you lost your son and he was always a mummy's boy and also your daughter is being bought with lovely presents your ex can afford and it was you that had to leave your house. It is a long road unfortunately as under normal circumstances you would have stayed in the house and I heard that the one who has custody of the children will have the right to 75 percent of everything material. that would have meant for you 75 percent of right to the house if you had all children. But with abuse it is always the victim that leaves as that is the only solution at the time, unless with your solicitor you can manage to show that it is you that needs it most and overturn it and have him leave and you move back.
Why are your eldest with him ? Is that their choice or was it too much for you to have all of them ? At the moment it feels you have lost your son completely and with just 2 days visiting you it is hard to build up a relationship especially with a teenager. I don't know if you can manage but whenever my son plays his games I sit next to him and ask about his online friends and what he loves about that particular game and what his skills are. I let him show me his actions. Also however difficult I invite his friends over for sleepovers, which he appreciates a lot. It gives me the chance to understand who he hangs around with and gives me the opportunity to talk about his friends with him. I have befriended my son on Facebook as he is on there a lot and their conversations make me understand what they nowadays talk about. you have to feel your way into his world, wether it is with aps, books, music or friends. And slowly get to know him again, even if for the moment with distance. Your daughter is being bought right now, but this will be just a phase because your ex wants to win. He can't keep this up long term. But so hard for you right now.
So sorry to say but you will have to prepare your self for Court and start reading all procedures because you just can't count on your solicitors to be informative, I know you are not up to it, but you will need to know beforehand what is going to happen with all procedures rather than it is something that has happened to you. Phone women's rights or go on their web site and get the Book about child custody and your rights. Any questions you have, look on the internet for answers, or ask on here, solicitors cost money but often work towards making the case easy for the judge rather than working for you and the information is sometimes given to you months afterwards.
What is it you would like to see happen and then ask on here and let's see what we can do to get there, and what information we can find for you to help you with your case and help you have your children back xx
Flowers it is so normal how you feel and of course you are angry as you have always been there for your son and now you feel rejected. To be honest teenagers are at a phase they reject parent anyway but in your case he is actually loving the person that has and is terribly hurting you. You are very normal to feel this way flowers but hang in there, you did very right with not saying anything to your daughter, well done because that was hard and it would have backfired on you. Xx
Is it possible for you to slowly have your eldest children a little more each time ? can you invent reasons ? Xx
Hi Louise yes slowly it is slowly starting to feel like a home again. Thank you for your kind messages always, we miss you loads during the week :) Flowers it took me a very long time, it looks now like I have got it all balanced but it took nearly 3 years. I left my home we had lived in several different countries which meant I never knew anybody around me so when I had to give up my matrimonial home, I thought I would not have been able to survive it with no family or close friends, in a small cottage that to me looked like a match box rather than a house, no job and in total fear. My ex then fought for full custody and in Court accused me of mental illness, Munchausen by proxy, parental alienation and all sorts. I felt the same as you: no justice and courts are a frigthening experience that is why you double need to prepare yourself. At any moment in time I thought I would be losing my children, all those years, every day. I woke up with it and went to sleep with it. I have been many years in a very desperate place flowers but finally justice did arrive at a very unexpected moment, whilst odds were totally against me. Hang in ther flowers, it can happen for you, but take your time and prepare. Xx
Good morning flowers, I am so sorry to read the sadness that you are experiencing right now. I wnat to thank skyflower for sharing her thoughts and experiences with you. You are in a difficult position who do you have supporting you?
Hi Skyflowers ive taken everything u posted on board thank u so much. im def going to get these books . im off to lib tomorrow to have a look. J and a i alway knew j would stay with his dad ,a has shocked me but then she wanted to stay with who ever lived in maritol house because its close to her school and she catches the coach with friends.a phones me every day and i know i havent lost her . its j that im heart broken about but im going to try and get him here more if can i cant force him.
I hope things are going really well for u now Skyflower u really deserve a peaceful happy life with your children after what u been through. all i can say is u must b a very strong determined person. Well done u. also u are right everyone on here is so lovely. Its agood job we have them and of course u as well. Thank you so much .
Thank you Anna, Louise and Sally. I hope u are all keeping well in all your projects and family life . u all sound very busy but happy which is great. thank you all for your support ive taken it all on board. Im going to make a diary book with all special moments a keep sake for my kids and me. Love this idea. thank you. Hope u have had a good day all. xx
That is such a good idea flowers as they can always read about the time they have missed out on. I can understand your daughter wanting to be close to school and friends, as this is the age they desperately need their friends, but still you hope differently...
about your son, many teenagers like to identify with men and reject mothers when with others and you do not know how your ex talks about you with him.
He will come back to you because eventually your ex cannot keep this up and will be what he always was. it is then that your son will have a shock, as he loves now what his father is at the moment, believing things have changed for the better.
It is then that he will remember how kind you always were. In the mean time you can only try to follow what his life is like. do keep in touch if you need.
I did not know I was strong but I have learned a lot about court and may be able to guide you in the right direction or many others can for you on here.
You are not alone and it is very frustrating and it will take a long time and courage.
I hope you feel a little better flowers, for today and take it one step at a time. Big (((hug))) to you
yes for me it is finally freedom and happiness with my children and being finally, after 3 years, being able to visit my family again. I am so very grateful
xx
Thank you Anna for your always support xx
Hi all how are all ? well my day started off okish, then i went to movement and realaxation class and we sat down talking about what we wanted to off load and i just sat there couldnt speak didnt want to b there . The 6 other mums are lovely but young and they were talking about there partners and hubbys about there children and i just broke down crying and had to leave. felt very stupid but i dont think this class for me as im the only single parent and although im happy for the other woman and there happy lifes i just couldnt cope with it. Does anyone else get like this? Also has anyone tryed the single holidays on here? i did browes through and thought of that looks good. As this summer it will just b me and kids.
Have a good day all. Its so lovely to see that yellow thing up in the sky !!!!
Hi flowers,
I am sorry to hear you had such a tough time, my children are a little older so I didn't have that when I went to toddlers groups and all.
Holidays I have done several, when you stay at a hotel you look very much like a single parent, and I was kind of stared at, whereas if you rent a small apartment or cottage or caravan, it is not that obvious, but then you will have to cater yourself.
it is raining here :)
Hi flowers, i remember that feeling where everybody else seemed to have someone to care for them and happy lives and I used to feel dreadful and actually very sorry for myself!
My daughter and I did went to PGL a few years back and there were a few single parents there. We happened to be in a group with two families and as much as they were lovely and initially I was a little jealous of them, by they end, the cracks started to show with one couple and the other family was sooo lovely, I was glad to have befriended them and our children still stay in touch!
It is hard but I think that when we judge ourselves that leaves us open for others to judge us and we can bear the brunt, however if we can see our qualities and the bonuses on parenting alone then nothing others can say or do can touch us
aww thanks for replies Skyflower and Anna.
How is everyone?xx
Hi flowers, I have just found a new app for relaxation, I think you do have to pay for it eventually, but I have found it a lovely way to start my day. Have a look at Headspace.
How was your weekend? Do pop into Chit Chat on a daily basis to share your daily news
Big Hug flowers, how are things with you today?