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Feeling over whelmed with decsions


Hi everyone, i have recently split up with my husband and my god its scary thinking ahead. No audultery just grown apart so much due to so many things happened we have nothing in comman and I dont love him anymore.

We are talking at the moment and are looking to sort the seperation out just between us, sign legal document ect.... but he wonts joint custody! i am fine with this but where does it put us with benefits/ tax credits. The kids residence address would be mine, I insist on this but i am sure he will fight me on this though. Where do i stand if he does?

I am part time 10-2 school term time, he if full time mixed shifts.

Any advice with what else to think about we need to agree on greatfully received....thanks

Posted on: December 8, 2011 - 11:00am
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hello mumjames

Sorry to hear that you re feeling a bit overwhelned with everything.

As far as the possible joint custody goes, I will give you a link to our Legal Expert, click here to contact them with the question. Only one of you can claim the child benefit and child tax credit for each child...you could decide to claim for one each with a joint custody agreement but financially it would seem to make better sense for you to be the claimant for both as your earnings are lower. If the children spend more than 104 nights per week with him (ie two per week) then the child suppport he would pay is reduced accordingly anyway.

The other thing to think about fairly imminently is housing....if you plan to stay in the marital home would your own income support the mortgage? The financial part of a divorce would seek to apportion the equity in the home and you need to think about how you would operate as an independent individual, which may involve selling the house? or if rented then you could just take over the tenancy yourself and receive some help from Housing Benefit.

Posted on: December 8, 2011 - 11:37am

Lucy Parsons

Hi mumjames, I'm sure you've managed to find some useful information via Louise's links - I just wanted to wish you lots of strength at this time - it will seem so scary now, but bit by bit things will fall into place and you will begin to feel more secure with your decision.

How's are your children at this stage? Do they know much about what's going on? And what emotional/ practical support do you have around you?

Take care,

Posted on: December 13, 2011 - 11:04pm