This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
Hi,
Has anyone used one of these to sort out child maintenance?
I had a consent order with my ex when we were divorced that stated what he should pay. That was over 18 months ago and based on a very low paid job he had at the time. He now has a much better paid job and I thought when this happened he would help by contributing to extras like school trips etc. Even though I have asked him on many occassions he always refuses saying that the consent order doesn't say he has to so he wont. I spoke to my solicitor about it and she said that as the consent order is over 12 months old I should just refer it to the CSA and let them sort it out. However whilst doing some research on the internet I found some information on family based arrangements.
I would really like to hear if anyone has any experience of using them, and id it was a good or bad experience.
Many thanks
Thanks louise,
He is very aware of what he should be paying, as when we went to mediation initially he had already done his own calculations as to what he should pay which were spot on. He knows full well he should be paying more, especially as I think his salary has almost doubled since then!
The thing is I am happy with the monthly amount he gives me at the moment, I would just like him to contribute towards the extras, like A's school bus and H's school trip, these are extra lump sums which I have difficulty finding.
I have already text him to say we need to review the payments and offered to meet him, but he has asked to do it via email, so I will email him and see where things go. If it gets difficult I will have to reconsider.
Great idea to sound him out on the extras via email PQ, as Louise has mentioned if possible it is probably better to try to sort these things out between you, on the other hand when you can't you do have the CSA that you can go to for help.
Well, its not going too well so far. His response to my email was to inform me he was going to give me less 
he has based this on his outgoings being more than his earnings. Have sent him another email, waited until today to do it as was so mad yesterady, I think this is going to be long and drawn out.
Yes it sounds like it. His outgoings are pretty irrelevant in the calculations, the exception being if he had other children or if he lived hundreds of miles away and had a long way to travel to see the girls. The rent a person pays, for example, is not relevant.
If you know approximately what he earns, PQ, and I am presuming he has no other children, then for the two girls he would have to pay approx 20% of his income under the CSA formula, if you are looking for a ballpark figure.
Well its been 'radio silence' from ex for nearly a week now. He's obviously going into avoidance tactics. I'll email him again today and see what happens but I'm thinking it may be easier to get the CSA to deal with him.
That maybe the way to go PQ if you don't get a reasonable response to your next email.
Well I'm really tearing my hair out. I have been persisting with the emails but he still wont agree to anything. His last email listed all his outgoings, pointing out he has no money left over for himself. As I keep pointing out to him his outgoings are irrelevant.
I feel quite nervous of going to the CSA. I know it will result in an outburst from him, but I don't know what else to do. I have contaced CMoptions today who have encouraged me to try again with the family based agreement, they're going to send some leaflets to me to give to my ex, but I doubt he'll read them.
I had a chat to my friend about it the other day, she said she had verbal arrangements with her ex which didnt work and she wishes she used the CSA and shes encouraging me to do the same.
It's a hard decision to make. In my case the CSA really did let the side down, as I discovered that The Git had two jobs. They took three months to react, by then he was a student, so nothing matters now. He does pay £58 a month still, which has surprised me, but I think he's making a point in paying to show he's 'perfect'.
At the end of the day, both the parents need to be considering the expenses for their children, and going without if necessary (or am I nuts?). I just don't get it why both parents don't consider this a priority...
Hi pq, did you get the leaflets? Did you give them to your ex? Regardless of whether he reads them or not, it will show that you are serious.
Hi Anna,
I did get the leaflets but I have decided to hang on to them for now.
I have discovered that my ex is being chased by 3 different debt management agencies, all via my address but thats another story!! So I think I will stay with the protection of the consent order for now. At least it is a stable amount that I can work with.
I thought you were spot on with your comment sparkling, he went into great detail about his personal expences but didn't want to see the expences for the children, all of which I pay for before my own. He even had the nerve to put down his cigarettes!!
I'd have stamped on them...
Tempting.....
Hello pq, not sure whether I have already said this to you but you need to make sure that you are "dissociated" from him with the credit agencies, get in touch with Experian, you get a credit report for a very low cost, about £3 and you can then ask them to lodge a Notice of Dissociation with them, stating that you are divorced and he has not lived at the address since date X. Make sure you return any post that comes from him too, mark it Gone Away.
Hi Louise,
Yes I have already done this so I know I am not liable for any of his debt.
I have had a chat with my ex now and I have a better understanding of his situation, although it is not ideal I have agreed to leave the finances as they are for now.
Ok pq, I did think we had possibly discussed that before but wanted to make sure 
Hello PQ
The Government is trying to encourage more people towards these types of arrnagements, let's face it, it makes sense to sort these things out for ourselves. I did this after I first split from the boys' dad but that was when we were civil enough to be able to discuss these things. Personally I think it comes down to whether the other parent is reasonably reliable and will not decide to withold payment on a whim, or to prove a point. It sounds as if the girls' dad has been consistent with what he agreed in the first place. However, I am wondering if the sticking point with him will be accepting that he should pay more (especially when he thought you had come into money last year!!) You can use the calculator on the site to show him in black and white what the "norm" is for his level of income, however.
It would be better if you can sort this between yourselves but you will have to judge by his reaction...
Anyone who wants to read more about it can do so at Child Maintenance Options