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This afternoon I read Sergiozeds comments on the programme Exposure, broadcasted yesterday. Sergiozed made a link to the ITV player but I cannot find the post anywhere now.
I took the time to watch it and was not surprised, as the UK is the only EU country that does forced adoptions, has the the highest rate with children going into care, highest in teenager pregnancies, and according to my parenting course teacher (nurses in mental health) the highest out of 21 countries with mental health.
Why is this happening, as today we have access to so much information, that this does not need be? Why is there no help ? Why are parents under so much pressure, what is different here ? What can we do to help ourselves ?
Slowly slowly the Government is also taking over the parent role ....children are now getting free warm meals at Key stage 1 this year, parents get fined if homework is not made regularly and handed in, parents get fined when children are longer ill than the 95%.
A few years ago when I became so desperate about maybe losing my children to care, there was Prof Jane Ireland (and was she heavily attacked) already writing articles about the many many children going into care (weekly about 200 children) and the unqualified court appointed psychologists and other professionals (at least one-fifth) and the misuse of power by the Secret Family Court, "to keep the privacy for the best interest of the child" hiding their horrible verdicts and being able to because you were jailed for contempt of Court if you so much as dared to publish this, or talk about it.
And nobody has understood yet, that this can happen to anyone, you can lose your children to the system, whilst you are perfectly sane and perfectly capable of taking care of your child. Without any proper proof. It can happen to you, your sister, your brother, or your friends....
And then there are the good guys, trying so hard to fight this, with help of MP's and good Social Workers.
What can we do ourselves to stop this from happening? Why is this happening? What can we do to educate certain parents and take the enormous pressure away? And what can we do to stop a corrupted system ?
Where I was born, we all have a nurse when your baby is born. My grandmother had one already. For 8 days she took care of you and the baby, washed the bedding every day, took care of the house, the visitors who came to see the baby, fed the family and did the shopping, and taught the new mother how to take care of the baby, how to wash the baby, put nappies on and everything you needed to know about child care. Then of course you had your prenatal group of new mothers. It made you feel confident as a new mother, knowledgable and you felt so happy with your baby and were able to give it what it needed. The stress went out of it. Such a different start, and then there is no need for Care orders, and forced adoption, as all of us have learned it right from the start. What about voting for adopting that ? a maternity nurse ? Or is this too simple an answer ? Is anyone going to watch the programme on Catchup tv and maybe have some ideas?
I will nudge Sergio to show us where he posted that link. I find it so desperately sad that there isn't ongoing support for the parents who lose their children, they are pretty much thrown on the slag heap, either to face a lifetime of desperation and longing for their lost child or to go on an have a number of children that continue to be removed from their care.
Why aren't we caring for our community?
Skyflower, no disrespect to where you come from, but.....
If I had had a nurse swooshing around me for over a week, doing all that stuff, I would have gone mad. As it happens, my first wasn't born in England and quite a while ago and I stayed in hospital for a week, which was how it was then. I did my own nappy changing though and nobody showed me.
And say people wanted this baby nurse, who would pay for it? Midwives in England already visit young mums a lot and try to impart advice and after that Health Visitors take over.
Anna, I don't think for a moment we are not caring for our community. I think Social Workers have a really rough time - they get blamed for things like Baby P when they have kept children with families and they are damned if they remove children. It's a no win situation.
I know of a girl who lost her baby (and I think it was a forced open adoption, where she gets sent pictures and can even meet the child), but before it got to that there was tons of counselling, living in a sort of mother and baby unit and and and. Everyone really tried hard, but the mental health problems of the girl where so severe that this was in the best interest of the child. this is not ideal, as the mother tried to commit suicide after the first time she saw the baby, and now refuses to see her because she can't cope. It's all a big mess, but everybody cared.
Hopeful, no disrespect , but your comments are not about the programme at all. Did you watch the programme ? It was about watching it and having some helpful comments ?
Have you read about the secret Family Court, what is happening here, you only have to google it ?
Have you read about the English millionaire in France, who helped escape 200 families from this ordeal of forced adoption ? Have you read that according to MP Hemming more than 1000 forced adoptions have been undertaken 'wrongly' out of 1360 in 2010 ?
There are over 65000 children in care, 7 percent living in children's homes.....how much does that cost ? I know people that foster, it is a very well paid job. You need only one not to have to go to work.
You were very lucky Hopeful, a whole week in hospital, that is almost the same as having a nurse at home, as you can nicely stay in bed for a week....In the UK most people go home after delivery and just straight after childbirth have to get on with it, not knowing what to do. The nurse is paid by the state as we pay tax, and it works. then of course there are the health visitors on top of that.
You are taking this out of context Hopeful. Please watch the programme.
It's a very powerful documentary. if you've missed it you should be able to find it on this link or Google ITV Exposure Don't take my child. You need to register on the ITV player but i's free.
Three things really stand out for me: that there is a policy to take children into care, the secrecy of the proceedings and the lack of support for families.
I don't object to Social services intervening in cases where it's needed, Had they done their job, Baby P, and Victoria Climbie, and many others would be still alive. But that this should be done to 1) save money and 2) because some minister thinks that this is a good think just stinks. This is just not right. And it is linked with the secrecy, almost an admission by Social Services and the Courts that their process is not good enough to survive scrutiny. I know the documentary showed only the cases where the parents were wrongly accused. I am sure there are many cases where it REALLY was necessary to take the child away. So why the secrecy?
But the one that really gets me going is the lack of support for families. I watch our father support worker with young dads and their children, I see the difference it makes, And yet it's becoming harder and harder to get funding to do the work that we know from experience would allow those parents to get it together and rebuild their lives. Hopeful, Skyflower, you are both saying the same thing: young parents SHOULD have that help, the nurse, the midwife, the close friend, or sometimes a support worker, because many young people have grown up not knowing what it means to be a new parent.
What to do? We are putting together a campaign we are hoping to run in a few weeks over these issues, and are going to come back to you for help in raising awareness and in asking for a better deal for young parents that have already been hard done. And we are setting up some support and legal help for parents.
But even now, talking about this helps, as most ordinary people out there would just not believe this is true.
You are very right Sergiozed, those are the points that needs addressing. And I do hope all this gets solved, as it is so cruel to lose your children, for parents and children, and it costs the State so much money. But apart from getting professional help,
As a parent you do stand very alone, including your children. I used to drive children to events for the school and also help out in school. I had a lot of contact with mothers as many children used to come and play. During the time I was investigated, I was very alone, the school stopped asking me for anything (I am CRB checked for work). Mothers would hardly talk with me, slowly children stopped playing at our house and my children were not invited anymore for birthdays. It took the Court case to be closed, and for the school to ask me again to help out for children to pop up at my house. And to be invited again.
So let alone when it happens that your children are taken off you. How many friends will still be there?
I think that the underlying thought was that there must have been some truth to it, and that people want to believe the system works, don't want to risk their kids mixing with the wrong environment. Maybe one cannot imagine that this can happen, as 20 years ago it was a very different world and mothers would always get the children unless there was something severely wrong?
Thank you very much Sergiozed for providing the link
Yes, I do know about the 'secret family courts' and no, I don't agree with that being the way forward. I am suggesting that your solution wouldn't work - as in the case of the girl I talked about; she was literally given all the help possible at the moment and it still didn't work.
My reply was not really related to the documentary (which I won't watch because it will upset me), but to your simple idea of 'just provide some nurses and everything will be much better' which I picked up on. It won't. And the state can't pay for it, the NHS is under so much strain already. Also, your nurses are our midwives and health visitors. This sort of help is available, but the at risk families often deny they need help.
I don't think spending a week in hospital was lucky. It was they way it was, and I didn't question it. I did not get particular help whilst in hospital, I still had to work it all out myself. When I was in hospital with baby number 2 (for about 48 hours, because of what the hospital considered feeding issues and I didn't) I was fighting a constant battle of what I thought was right for my baby and what they thought.
In principle, I don't think forced adoption should be possible. Secret family courts are surely unlawful (after all, human rights say that everbody has the right to a fair and open trial).
I wasn't having a go at you, Skyflower, I just think you are a bit optimistic thinking ten days of nurses telling you what to do will solve the problem, but would be openly resented. I also don't think that this would prevent later child abuse which is at the 'official' root of the forced adoptions.
Thank you Hopeful, Sparkling, Anna and Sergiozed for your comments
I did watch the programme and I was appalled but not surprised.
One point that was made very clearly was that social workers were originally there to give family support and only in extreme cases to take children into care. And of course they should be taken where they are at risk, no question of that, but the old system of interventions at an earlier stage before things get to that level has gone, simply because of money and resources. SS are saying "no" to people who want support and as sergiozed says, the voluntary sector struggles to find funding for the wonderful support they are able to offer.
Whether you believe in having a maternity nurse, more voluntary sector support or ongoing, low-level social services involvement, it comes down to one thing: paying for it. I say very loudly that funding these things would be much, much cheaper than what happens when the support is NOT given: the children in care, the young offender's institute, the drugs and alcohol treatment, the medical care for those severly depressed etc etc etc. Some solid preventative work would actually SAVE money in the long run, of that I am very certain.
I have worked in this sector for 13 years now and have seen various scenarios of children going into care and forced adoption and it seems to me that this is getting more frequent as the resources are just not there to give the support to enough people, that Hopeful mentions having seen. The latest incidence I have had of this was that there was a mother and baby unit where the family could live for 6 months but this unit was 60 miles away and there were no places, and the court decided it was easier for the child to be adopted. End of. I have also witnessed children being dragged off by Social Services when they were sitting with their mother in McDonalds.
Of course we need to protect children. But shame on us as a society when we fail to help and support parents to do so.
Excellent post skyflower.
I will try and watch this later.
xx