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I'm new to one space but just feel the need to do something. I've just feeling so drained with my boys who are aged between 3 and 13. I've been kicked by the youngest, ignored by the 2nd and sworn at by the eldest. I can't seem to get any respect from them and feel so envious of parents who's children seem to love them and show it. I do get the odd hugs from the younger ones but not from the eldest. I've done parenting courses, try to spend quality time with them and help with their feelings but just end feeling like a bad parent. The eldest has always had anger issues and is particularly nasty both verbally and physically with his younger brother who then takes it out on the little one. You can't reason with him and I can't bear the violence. All I want is some harmony and love in the house. I guess I'm too soft because I over compensate for getting cross or feel guilty that I'm not a good enough parent. When they're with their dad he spends loadsa money on them and seems to have fun/laughter. That's really missing in the house and its sad because I'm a pretty chilled person when I'm not around the children yet when I do try to be me and daft they tell me to stop!
I work as well and am going through the financial stages of divorce so I'm stressed enough at the moment and I really don't like my kids at the moment. I want them to be happy and have some laughter but also take some responsibility to. I'm really sick of it at the moment and just find the thought of life going on like this for the next 10 years plus so miserable! Because of the way they don't get on I also find it hard to leave them with anybody. I'm worn out with it all....
Hello lucylou
You are very welcome here!
Poor you, you sound exhausted. I agree with what alisoncam has suggested and have some other things to add. Firstly it will not always be like this. I know it might seem it will but remember you are in the throes of divorce and sorting things out financially and you are not going to be the Oxo advert family whilst all this is happening. At the moment, it is about gettting through day to day.
As alisoncam says, we need to think about what help may be available for your eldest boy. It is completely normal for a boy of this age to react to divorce with this anger. Of course that does not mean it is a acceptable for him to behave this way in your house! Have a look here. Relate offer a counselling service for teenagers called Relateen, get in touch with your local office. Don't say to your boy "you are going to counselling to solve your anger issue", say "I know things have been really rubbish for you at home lately and here is someone who can help things to be better"
Next have a look here to see if there is a Home Start near you, they will support families with children under five, as will Children's Centres.Click here and here for those.
I know I am giving you a lot of info but at this stage it feels as if it is about you researching what resources may be there to support you so that we can put together a "plan". Also I don't know if you have ever phoned Parentline Plus but they are excellent if you want to let off some steam and talk to someone. Click here for details.
Keep posting and we are here to support you 
Hi lucylou
It's good to see you here.
We do understand...
Take care
Hi Lucylou,
Welcome to OneSpace. Has your eldest had any support with his anger? Do you get any support yourself? It sounds completly exhausting. I hope you find Louise's links helpful.
HelenT
Hi Lucylou, I bet you are feeling drained, 3 boys is enough to exhaust anyone I'm sure and Louise makes a very good point, your attention is being divided by all the divorce proceedings, work, parenting, as well as everyday chores.
Louise suggested some good places I also wanted to suggest Young Minds who have lots of info on their website and also a free telephone number for you to talk to someone in confidence about a young persons behaviour.
Reading your post also made me think that you don't get any time to yourself, I understand you don't want to leave the children with anyone, however it is important that your boys see that you have a life too, you are not their dogsbody, you are an individual who is entitled to a peaceful happy life!
You mention parenting programmes, would you consider doing another one? To help you through these difficult times, not just to learn new techniques but to make some friends who can empathise with you?
Hi Lucylou. Welcome along to One Space
I'm sorry that you're going through such a bad time right now. You say that your eldest has always had anger issues. Have you sought any help for this? Its not acceptable that he is violent and abusive, so perhaps you can start to set boundaries. The younger ones perhaps see him doing such things, and maybe are copying his behaviour, so could you introduce the 'time out' method. It will take a lot of time, and you have to be consistent with it of course. Could you get any support from the ex? You sound totally worn down by everything, but you are a good Mother who just wants everyone to be happy. It will happen, but it doesn't seem like it at the moment does it.
Please keep posting, as others will be along to offer you full support and suggestions.