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hi
my ex turned up today to take my son for the weekend with a big silly grin on his face. his choice, he has his son on average a weekend every 8/9 weeks and uses numerous excuses as to why he doesnt see him more often, money and distance been the most common. anyway out of the window i noticed he turned up with his new girlfriend, and i dont even know why but i felt gutted. i know i dont want and dont like what he stands for or the type of father he is to my son.... all smiles and no substance! but i couldnt help feeling extremely jealous that he has someone and im single, i also felt jealous of this woman spending time with my son. just wondered if these feelings are natural as i feel quite pathetic for feeling this way, im already telling myself 'get over it, i have a gorgeous, wonderful son'!
secondly, my boy is not long 2 and is extremely scared at leaving me at present, after explaining to him daddy was comming today and he's going to sleep at daddys house, he insisted he wasnt going, and inbetween waiting for his father to arrive he wet himself twice. had to let him go with his father screaming for his mummy and cant help but think of him spending his weekend all anxious and distressed wanting his mum. also cant bare the thought of this other woman attempting to comfort him, but then as i think its something his dad is rubbish at doing, maybe its a good things this woman is there for him!
i have tried to tell his father he needs to make more effort to have contact and thus hopefully avoiding him being so distressed but i just get excuses. i know if i push the situation any further i'll just get the usual barrage of abuse, so not sure how to deal with it. should i just keep letting him take my boy kicking and screaming every couple of months of insist on an alternative, if so what!!!???
thanks hazeleyes, im just lost as what to do, i know he wont make more effort and if i dont let him take him for three nights he wont take him at all, then usually the cycle goes.... i challenge him,,, he rants blames me for living so far away etc etc, then as contact is not on his terms will accuse me of denying him contact and then i have his poor mum calling me up crying and begging to not stop her from seeing her grandson (hes her only grandchild), i tell her it is not me who is doing this but of course she believes her son. really feel its a no win situation.
when my son returns i know too i have to go through the same cycle with him where by he'll panick if i go to the toilet.
i feel like in order for him to have contact with his father and his fathers family I have no choice but to let the cycle continue and hope overtime - probably years! my son will adjust.
Welcome to One space new venture.
This mornings situation sounds awful for you and your son, that is rather along time between contact for someone so young to manage, do try the link for our legal expert as hazeleyes has suggested they may have some suggestions.
Have you tried writing to your ex rather than face to face or over the phone explaining that children your sons age need more contact if they are to spend time away from the other parent etc, this is something that a lawyer could do so it took some of the pressure of you.
As for your feeling the way you did about the new girlfriend that is fairly natural way to react, so don't beat yourself up about it.
...I agree, Sally, and also it is probably a good thing that this woman is there helping to look after him.
If you do write to him, as Sally suggests, I would not only keep a copy of the letter for yourself but also send a copy to his mum saying just thought you should know this is what I am suggesting.....
Hi new venture,
Sorry to hear of your situation. I don't have anything to offer apart from be kind to yourself. What are you going to do for 'you' this weekend? I know you will miss your son and worry about him but if you can have a fun and relaxing time yourself you will be better equiped to be there for him when he returns.
if my child was kicking and screaming i wouldnt let them go, id get my soliciotr to write a letter to his, or send him a letter, saying why u refused contact and why it needs to be more regular for ur childs emotional welfare
Hi new venture. Welcome along. It must have been really distressing to see your son like that, and for him too, the poor thing. He doesn't have much contact with his Dad, so of course he should be building up a bigger bond with him. Two months is an awful long time, and a weekend away from you too. Have you sought any legal advice? You can e.mail our legal experts and see what help, if any, they can offer.
As for the new woman, again, in my opinion, your son should be getting to know your ex, before he's introduced to the woman. I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you, but please keep posting, and we'll do our best to give you lots of support and advice.