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I'm very concerned about the way domestic violence is aimed as men being the purpetrators and the enemy. When the reality many men have suffered in silence DV. Current advertising campains or men being the purpertrators stop men coming forward. Current DV training can be sexist and excludes men. If we (men and women) are going to repair our confidence in the opersite sex we need to stop creating devision between men and women in the healing process. DV is carried out covertly by controlling people (men and women) We need to unite and view the problem together instead of women's DV courses spreading subconscious distrust of men.
Afterall the aim is to restore harmony and confidence to peoples lives and enable them to start over with a new possiblity of hope.
Hello yes it can happen to anyone, man or woman. Statistics in general say that 90% of victims are women and 10% are men. However, that may well be about to change in the light of the recent Coronation Street story and Mankind (click) who support male victims, have reported an increase in their calls as more men come forward.
However, I totally agree that most DV training to mainstream support workers is done on the assumption that the victim is female. The 90% rule is what gives rise to this of course, but awareness should be raised. As for programmes enabling the healing of victims together, whatever their gender, I believe the reason that does not usually happen is that the victims find it easier to work in a single sex environment. That has certainly been my experience during 12 years of working with this issue.
Are you a single parent, matt2013? Maybe you could tell us a little about you and your children.
The Statistics are incorrect. Due to bias advertising campaigns this has made it harder for men to come forward and for the general population to accept this happens behind closed doors. Due to bias and descriminatory advertising (even in police stations and on radio) its really hard for men to be taken seriously. Thus they dont bother reporting it. As the UK Police are only recieve BIAS DV training all the officers are only as good as the training their recieve, which is sexist, and descriminatory and also breeds distrust of men. So until there is EQUAL training in DV nothing will change, as there will not be a budgets or stats to illuminate the all people who suffer DV in silence. Imagine if i said there are no women aloud to attend a MALE DV meeting what does that mean? Does that mean they all women are bad and all women commit DV? Or how about it I get mugged by an asian man and i attend victim support, and there are asian men there, does that mean they should not be alound to be there? So is there this big bad wolf culture of deviding adn segreating men and women in the healing process of DV? It seems to me there are a lot of DV educators out there with an ajenda. Which divides men and woman in the long term and spreads distrust in OUR culture.
I have experience DV and PAS over many years. I am lucky in that my son has lived with me full time for the past 5 years and I now see my other children quiet often.
I have come to learn that when we forgive those who commited these things against us, they no longer have any influence or control over us anymore!
I am sorry to hear that you have experienced domestic abuse and parental alienation and it's excellent to know that your son is with you and the PA has not stopped you seeing your other children. it's a big thing to come to a position of forgiveness. I, too, felt a new freedom when I finally forgave.
If there was a dv meeting for men, me being a woman I wouldn't want to attend as that's space and time for men and me turning up wouldn't be very helpfull to those men Matt
If a man turned up at a place were I was 'having a dv meeting' quite frankly I'd walk out
It's exactly why men and teenage boys carnt go in a refuge
You cannot mix genders in this as you suggest it's a crazy idea.
Why not? I dont understand. We are all the same. To me its like saying all men are DV perpetrators. Its insulting. No wonder we have such devision in society between genders.
I really dont understand. If i have experienced DV and I only share experiences with men, this is counter productive and creatives more adn more devision between men and women. We need to stop segregating victims and then putting them in toxic distrusting environments to help them heal. As these envirnoment only create more distrust of the oppersit sex and distrust.
What are your reasons please for not having victims of crimes share their experiences and healing process??
Well if there was a dv meeting for women and they walked in and there were men attending I doubt very many women would attend the second meeting I certainly wouldn't.
If someone chides on a one to basis that's different eg if a man chose a female councilor that's his choice.
No one would heal with mixed gender dv meetings cos no one would turn up
Counsellors are often matched with clients of the opposite gender to help with the healing in cases of DV or sexual abuse.
I guess it is a case of whether a person who is a victim of DV has come to feel threatened by ALL men or ALL women, rather than "just" the one who has perpetrated the DV. And maybe some would and maybe some wouldn't. My experience as a counsellor is that mixed groups work better a bit further down the line. Of course individuals can have a range of feelings about the idea of mixed groups and I am speaking from 12 years of working with a large number of individuals. I do think, though, that there should be a choice!
I'm in agreement with Louise, it should very definitely about the individual in question's choice.
But I'd also like to say how great it is to hear you speaking up for what you believe with such a strong 'voice', Imdoingthis 
Thankyou Mary x
When I went somewhere for some help I chose a male support worker, it had nothing to do with dv, it was close to me leaving twunt, so all up in the air but that's what I wanted.
I agree it should be up to the individual to decide on the sort of support or group they would prefer. In my 10 years experience of supporting people that have experienced DV there are usually very good reasons for women not wanting to go into a mixed group to discuss their experiences, such as in cases where sexual abuse was an issue.
" I'm very concerned about the way domestic violence is aimed as men being the perpetrators and the enermy"
Domestic violence isn't aimed as men being perpetrators at all
112 woman a year are killed by a male partner as apose to 22 men a year killed by a female partner and the majority of those women have been subjected to prolonged and severe violence.
A lot of men do suffer in silance Matt and so do woman suffer in silence too.
Domestic violence is an imbalance of power between the sexes
Truth is in the majority of cases, the perpetrators of domestic abuse are men and the majority of victims are women.
If there was an advert on tv with a woman being abusive towards a man shell we blame that tv advert for woman not coming forward about her male perpetrator ?
The above are all facts but in my opinion Gender is irelavent here as the trurma and fear of any dv victim are the same.
Dv happens in same sex relationships the impact is just as harrowing on the victim in that of different sex relationships.