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I've had a letter regarding the DLA I receive for my fifteen year old, asking if from the age 16 if they're able to make their own choices. I know he is.
However, I would have expected this to be 18.
He still has the same issues as always - other than the fact that there's a lot less washing of bedding. I still have issues with him over personal hygiene, disappearing, tantrums, hiding.
They're also asking if he intends staying in education following 16th birthday - which he will, as he's 16 in January.
I couldn't ever trust him alone in the house. He can cook simple meals - but he forgets about them, and even ignores timers.
He'd never change his clothes or brush his teeth without reminding (not quite a 'normal' teenage thing), never mind the emotional and social side of things.
On a good day he's great. On a bad day however... He really does need supervision. How can I explain this to him? He'll wail and run off, I know he will.
I think his questions as to him filling in an application. Unless I just fill it in for him and tell him to 'sign here'.
It could be he's getting too old now for it anyhow. I'll have to look into it and think about it.
I worry about him so much, when perhaps its time I did chill about it.
The questions that are asked can be rather complex. I just know he'd get very upset over some...
It's only natural that you worry about him, don't be so hard on yourself over it. xx
FLIP! the DLA form is so complicated that most adults run a mile. It sounds as if it is can he apply for it on his own behalf, I would suggest "NO" while he is in education and you are feeding him!
I have a very good friend who I know will help me.
Its not down to the benefit here - which yes, we'd miss as life tends to revolve around him, as well as replacing clothing in a very short space of time - it's just that he still has the same needs.
I answer his questions, as I do his siblings, yet I still protect him.
I don't really know what to think. I actually I don't think I'm capable of thinking at the mo. Head is not working too well really 
Hi Sparklinglime,
My friend had the exact same letter just before her son turned 16, what she did was call the people up and explain that although her son does have special needs, he does have feelings too which are easily hurt when people are talking about him or even to him about his difficulties.
My friend filled in the form and sent it back, she then received a letter for a home visit, they seem to do this in all cases, my guess is to cut down on fraud, anyway she had her sons statement ready for them and the only question they really asked her son was if he was happy for his mum to continue filling in all of the forms etc, they didnt ask him if he was capable of managing his own money/bank account as on his statement and I am sure on your sons it does say that although he is biologically 16 his ability is probably around 7-8 years in some things and slightly more mature in other things.
My friend was very apprehensive about the whole thing but the lady and guy who came to see her were lovely and were very nice with her son who answered the question and then went up to his bedroom.
I do hope this will help you a little to know how it went for my friend, if theres anything else you need to know about what happened with her and her son, please ask and if I dont know the answer I will ask her for you xxx
Oh heck, tiredmum, thank you so very much.
That's exactly what my son will do too - he'll go upstairs and hide in his 'tent' (blankets around his bottom bunk).
I've got his statements in a box.
If it doesn't carry on, it doesn't carry on, but his needs are just the same...
Hope you're ok. xx
Hi sparklinglime,
Please try not to worry, what my friend did was to make a little time for just her and her son and explained to him that because his birthday was coming up and he would be 16 then things change ever so slightly, she asked him if he was happy for her to deal with all the paperwork etc and he readily agreed which I`m sure your son will do too.
Your sons money will not be stopped whichever way this goes dont worry about that, it is just a matter of finding the most gentle way of talking it over with your son, and I know from spending years with my friends son it is such a difficult topic to talk about, but you can do this.
Anything at all that I can help you with whilst you are going through this, please do say xxx
I am fine thank you xxx
It is the talking to him about things that just make me cry when I think about it. I know he finds things hard. While I casually talk things through, that's fine. I worry to death about his future too - which I can pretend is a long way off. This brings it home that he isn't.
Crying typing it even!!
Yes, it is really hard to confront these things. I was with a friend yesterday whose son is severely disabled and needs round the clock care. He is about to be 18 and so they have sent forms saying he will be assessed for a care allowance and PAs being employed to help, it is all new territory to her and she feels the same as you
It's sad isn't it? I've always felt guilty, to be honest, that my son qualified for this. I cried buckets when he was awarded it! When I first claimed IS, the person who called used to be my supervisor in my DHSS days! We were just chatting really as we hadn't seen each other for years.
He sorted out the DLA application for me.
It was a complaint about WTC when I went to CAB that had them sorting out Carer's forms for me!
On good days, he's fine. He stays in and we know he's ok. He can be laughing and social with us. He'll never sit in the same room as us though! Other days, well it's just C being C...
I find it upsetting, I think, as you have to think about it instead of living with it, if that makes sense...
Makes perfect sense to me, you can cope with it on a day to day basis but the implications of it all are another matter, does that sound right?
So are you going to reply to the letter explaining that you are continuing to handle the paperwork and that anything else will be really difficult for him? What tiredmum says sounds a great plan.
Yes, I'm going to do that.
Thank you
xxx
Now you see, I read that, type a reply and tears flow!
I'm such a plonker! 
We love you, whether you are a plonker or not, sparkling
Hi sparklinglime,
You are not a plonker, my friend is exactly the same, as you say its one thing getting on day to day knowing that your son has difficulties but it becomes everyones routine, its when you have to write a letter or talk about it that makes you think about the future etc, my friend is just the same, she cries everytime a form arrives or something changes the day to day routine of everything and its so hard to know what to say or do at that point so I usually just give her a big hug, so I am sending you one too xxx
Thank you both.
Welling up again! It's dreadful!!!
xxxxxx
Dear sparklinglime, I am sorry to read that these letters raise such difficult emotions, you explained it so well, when you say that living with it is fine, it is only when you have to answer/explain/prove it, that it gets really emotional.
It was great to read tiredmums post. I think we all want to protect our children, however, your son is growing up and as much as you want to protect him, it sounds as if he knows that he is different from his siblings and with your support he can learn and grow too.
My friends brother who I grew up with, has aspbergers and has autistic tendencies, when we were children, we didn't know it and he was always treated as 'special', however all sorts of things have come to light and he know works as a trolley pusher in a supermarket. Although he lives in sheltered housing, he grew in confidence with the outside support and honesty he was given.
It was great to read that you are not using the washing machine so much! I remember a time when you never moved an inch from it before you were heading back there again!
Is the sun shining with you?
The best thing I ever bought is a waterproof mattress. Son won't have sheets, but when the need arises, will sort out the mattress with Dettox and towels...
It's not sunny - but it isn't raining either
Hi sparklinglime, I missed your post. A waterproof mattress sounds great! Does it still crackle a bit or have things moved on from the 70's!!
It was supposed to be sunny today here and I was quite looking forward to seeing the sun, however all I can see in the sky is grey 
Are the children breaking up today?
It doesn't crackle - although it may in time. I'm sure he sweats buckets on it though!
We've had rain. And we're on the beach with the Cubs and Scouts tonight for games and presentation.
I think its starting to clear now - or could it be too soon for 6pm...
Looks like its going to rain here, any time soon! Have a good games and presentation evening, I hope the heavens don't open again!
It must be so nice for the children to head down to the beach for all this fun! I would love to go for a walk near the sea right now, whether it was pouring with rain or not. As long as I was warm and had jacket, it would be delicious! Instead, I am going to get into my car now and head across the city and get home, try and beat the rain!
Have a good evening!
I would have also expected it to be age 18 too. What is it that you have to explain to him Sparkling? Is it the letter?