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Hi
I haven't posted on this site for ages.
I just wanted to say thanks for helping me through the darkest period whilst going through the divorce process. I was a mess at the beginning and the kind words and encouragement I recieved from people here really help me.
When I last posted I had returned home after having fled to my parents with my little one, rather than live with an extremely angry and volatile man.
We then spent 15 months walking on eggshells, trying to live in the same house, whilst trying to get the divorce sorted. It was hell on earth. In the space of 15 months we went to court 20 times.
My ex launched a campaign of terror through litigation. He refused to communicate with my solicitor. He kept on engaging then sacking solicitors so there was no continuity re communication. He wouldn't turn up to court hearings especially if they were to do with finance.
He made numerous applications to court which slowed everything down to a snails pace. He contacted Social Services claiming I was an unfit mother with mental health and substance abuse problems.
He stopped paying his share of the mortgage and left me to pay for everything whilst still living in the house.
He did everything he could to harass/intimidate me whilst in the house.
I was in such dispair I didn't think I could carry on. I came close several times to breaking down completely. Our kid had to witness all of this conflict. I'm not sure I can forgive myself for that.
My solicitor and barrister and womens aid were brilliant. They kept me going when they could see I was flagging. My parents - well they gave me life and they literally saved my life. Without there financial support I would have been dead in the water. I still get choked up when I think of the amount of support I got from family, friends and my employer.
In the end it went to a final hearing the Judge was very wise and even handed. I got to stay in my home. No mescher agreement the house was transfered to me. I got sole residence of our child. Ex gets contact but there is a prohibited steps order in place to stop him taking little one of school or out of my care. Ex was ordered to pay costs for wasted hearings. Ex ordered to pay me lump sum to cover some of my debts. Social services were at the final hearing and they supported my application for an occupation order which I also got there and then.
I never thought this would be over. I walked out of that court in a daze even my barrister was crying!
I sit in garden watching my kid playing and laughing and dancing. We're poor as church mice. I still flinch when the door bell rings but we're free.
The only reminder of this whole ordeal is the little patch of hair missing where I had the hair strand test for drugs (which I passed with flying colours!).
Thanks Anna
I hope so too. xx
So glad to hear that you are out of that situation now stressball and are able to relax and enjoy your child 
Wishing you a peaceful and happy future.
Thank you sparklinglime
well done for getting through this yes it is hard but you have done this and look ahead to a brighter future and yes you may feel poor but really you are rich in happiness and you and your child are free which means more enjoy things will get better
Thanks shaz 5 - I do sometimes feel like that I've won the lottery.
It is so fantastic that you have come through all this.
If you could give people going through a bad time one top TIP that helps, what would it be?
Hi Louise and thank you!
Sorry for late reply. Hmmm one top tip to surviving. Actually I have two.
1. When things are really rough if you have kids. Try and visualise the situation (the arguements/tension/violence) through your kids eyes. Try and really imagine being a child and imagine what they are seeing and feeling. It really does put things into perspective.
2. Keep a diary. You don't have to write loads but get into the habit it was really useful.
They are both really good suggestions, stressball 
I did the diary thing and it is amazing to look back at it now.
You are very perceptive to say that about through the eyes of the kids, I think when we are going through all our upheavals we can become so stressed out ourselves that we don't remember how things must be from their point of view. It can also help for children to have a trusted adult to talk with, who is outside the family.
Hi stressball
wow I was just reading through the forums, and read your post, really glad things had a happy ending for you, can see why your barrister was crying, I felt goosebumps when I read that. You must be very proud of yourself.
Wow, I got a little choked up reading this post. I don't know you but sending you such big hugs. You should be so so so proud of yourself for having got through that, and now you have a future to look forward to without all of this hanging over you :) xxx
Hi Abbie lou Hi Immi
Thank you so much for your support. After enduring years of misery and then having to battle my way out of an awful marriage with an ex who would not let go. I feel battered and bruised but I also feel as light as air. I can breath again.
I do feel proud. Divorce through the courts is not to taken lightly even if you have a solicitor and a barrister working for you. After years being told by my ex that I was incompetent, disorganised, a crap parent, a mental case, weak, a flake who didn't have the guts to follow through with anything. I came back to myself. I came back to the woman I was before I got married. That woman is quite formidable, as my ex found out to his cost.
Hoorah! For she's a jolly good fellow, for she's a jolly good fellow!
Stressball
I sing along with Anna, here's to the future you deserve
Wow stressball! What an amazing post! You really have been through the mill, but oh what a wonderful post you have written.
Congratulations on your divorce and All The Very Best for your future. I hope that we can continue to be in your life xx