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Maybe this should be under parenting teenagers but it can be moved I guess!
Can I ask for opinions please.
My 14 y/o daughter was rude to me in the morning - won't go into detail - but she came home and apologised in the afternoon.
Then she came up and asked me if she could go out with friends on Friday - she has a sports committment on Fridays, however,she has also recently has been refusing to go on the odd day here and there and saying its because she doesn't want to go on that particular occasion - she knows I can't make her!
So I told her that she could go out with her friends (she would be paying) but she has a committment later in the day which she needs to go to - she huffed off and told me she would contact her dad - unfortunately some time ago I told her that her dad paid for the sports activity.
They spoke on the phone and then he asked to speak to me - I was calm at first and I know that he was supporting me but I felt very angry that he even had the cheek to phone me - it is nothing to do with him what decisions I make is it?
He told her that just because the money comes out of his bank account doesn't mean anything - its our committment - quite rightly.
However when things calmed down he did text and ask me to reconsider my decision and that we should tell her what we expect in regards to her committment to the sports thing.
I am not reconsidering my decision as I made it clear to them 3 weeks ago that if they misbehaved and I took something away I would not be giving it back just because they say sorry - I always give them a warning (unless it is serious ) so tell them it is their choice before I remove a treat or privilege.
I am so mad that he thinks he can have any input into the decisions I make on a day to day basis - am I wrong?
Hi
In the early days the children's Dad would be involved in decisions and we would discuss things.
I think Louise has worded it very well. Knowing that their father was involved in decisions, I think, made them listen more, in my case.
Thanks - I did thank him for supporting me and I also told him how great it was that he was involved and that it was good that he wanted to hear what she had to say and was concerned that things were fair.
I was angry at my daughter for involving him and thinking that she could alter the outcome by her actions
Wise words on this boards - as always
Do you know I am also proud of myself for pulling it back from a nasty argument - I have decided that each time I think negative thoughts I will seek advice or wait at least a few hours - I think Louise told me to do that ages ago!!
By the way what have you done with the emotions - I can't put them on my posts now - is it because I have been a bad girl and over used them!!
Ooh I don't know about the emoticons, I can still see them 
, the old ones are back, maybe it has only happened for me as a Moderator (I get a different format to you) but no you haven't been naughty (have you????)
Yes I do think you did really well not to get into the argument. It is soooo hard to pull away ans reflect but you did this and then you identified that a lot of the anger was at your daughter for involving him in the first place. There is a saying "revenge is a dish best served cold" and I think the same can be said of anger. Acting/speaking in haste is not always a good idea. Well done, LRH!
My lot would pull the 'ask Dad' thing, but to be fair (and I'm talking about the first couple of years here) he was supportive.
It did wind me up mind 
As you know, me writing essays here is incredibly good for letting off steam and also getting other view points.
One think I do find about lone-parenting is the responsibility of making decisions on my own can, at times, be terrifying.
Hello LRH
Well it is not for me to say who is "right" and who is "wrong" However, I will give you a few thoughts as an outsider to the situation.
He supported your decision and made it clear to your daughter that who paid is irrelevant. Personally I think it was fab that he did that. Many parents can't wait for the chance to undermine the other parent and he did not take that. He texted you later to say should we reconsider, in the same way as he might have talked to you, had you still been together. I do think that the final decision should be yours as you are the one with her day to day care and, as you say, you have made consequences etc clear, so in fact his suggestion that you should both tell her what you expect in terms of commitment is one that you have already undertaken!
But...he is still her dad and he only got involved after she asked him to.
I understand why you were angry. How dare he just swan off and leave the family and then expect to interfere when it suits him! But actually it was in response to your daughter involving him and in front of her, he did not undermine you.