This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
Hi has anyone been through this or any advice. Me and my husband have seperated . i have our two little boys living with me its joint custody.i want my 4yr old son to move school and really like school i went to see, but my husband doesnt want me to move hi from his school now. doesanyone know who gets the final say please?thank you
Sorry flowers, didn't realise you had domestic violence. That is a difficult one as anything he can use to keep you under control.
In my case my son wanted to go to a certain secondary school, I was already in Court and I just informed him in Court of the choice made. This was also because he had never bothered to choose a school before and had never attended any parent evening so I had assumed he was not interested. He showed to be very upset about it in Court. As my son at that moment of choice was still in Year 6, he could have changed it anytime really, or have asked to change it, but he never did.
Court never commented on it.
Maybe ask advice of the legal expert on here, on the left side : Ask the experts
or wait for a link from Anna, Sally or Louise
thankyou so much skyflower for your message. yes it has helped. im due to see a solicitor in 2wks just needed to know if anyone has answer now. ours hasnt gone to court yet.only seperated in november.its bloody hard isnt that they still have that control over u because of the children.i dealt with the kids at home and there schooling now we seperated he now wants to b awkward and put his input in. like your husband /partner he never went to a parents evening thought they were a waste of time!!!!/ glad to hear in your situation you and your son went to your choosen school choice.
Hi flowers, I have very little to add to what Skyflower says, you might consider mediation or it may have to go to court.
If there is DVA I am presuming that you don't have an amicable relationship, do you get on with any of his family to try and get them onside? I am also in agreement with Skyflower that this is probably just another tactic of controlling you, the children, the situation.
Please feel free to send a message to our Legal Expert (click) who will respond within 7 days.
Hi Anna , thank you for your response as well and support. i did go on the legal expert link yesterday so im just waiting for a reply . thank you both. no we def dont have amicable relationship and as for his family there son is perfect and now have nothing to do with me. one day justice will b done!!!! i have my family and friends right behind me its just so bloody difficult as only so much they can do but they have all been amazing. i m really pleased i found this site. to see im not alone.
Yes we were lucky that my ex husband did not realise there was still the option to change. As soon as my second son could choose this year, my ex wanted the list of schools (funny I was supposed to provide that) and all my motivations for the different schools and told us that then he would make a choice. Luckily my solicitor stepped in and said my son really wanted to be with his brother in the same school and that it would be unreasonable to be in different schools in different villages as I would not be able to pick both up. You can see it is not "thinking about the best interest for the child" but just insisting to have his way.
the court is a very hard thing to go through, I am in court since 3 years now.
with these people you are never truly free until the children have a certain age. Is your husband ok with the children? Is it safe ?
Thank you Anna for the link which is very helpful
Hi Skyflower god 3 years thats not good.is this over every issue with your children? understand if dont want to tell me.my x has house plus car so angry about this as i feel hes won everything!!! still the controller.so i need to put boys in school closer to me in walking distance. then he comes back and says if a problem then i will take over the school run control again . no bloodly way is he doing that.he is a very maniputive person and he s very clever he word things to make it all my fault and he was perfect in everyway in his eyes . thing is kids been brought up in argument and him conrrolling all our lives that they think its the norm way to live.so so sad.hes a good dad and also a maniplutive dad.yes i would never leave my two eldest there if wasnt safe.my daughter is coming round to me now as be4 she hated me for leaving . she is a teenager and hormonal and ts been very tough on her. my eldest son has always been for his dad but he has a more grown up way of dealing with it and understanding that it wasnt a nice home to live in when we where suppose 2 of been a family. it hurts me every single day not having them both with me as well. people tell me give them time dad can only keep up his pretence for so long giving them everything they want and being dad of the year, which he has never been be4.. looks like im in for long journey like yourself. MEN!!!!!!
Same thing here flowers very manipulative person. He wants full custody of the children and fights and uses the court system very well. So sorry to hear your eldest children are not living with you at the moment. It's true he can't pretend for a long time. On this website you will meet lots of people in different stages of similar situations and we all help each other.
Hi flowers, it is great to see you here, hope it's feeling helpful to you, too. Sorry to hear that your two older children are living with their dad, hopefully you see them regularly? Please don't end up with the view that all men are like this, I have worked with so many blokes over the years who have been on the receiving end of abusive behaviour from their female partner/ex-partner and you will see people on here in that situation too.
I agree that children make up their own minds as they get older...they often seem to go through a phase of "siding" with the parent who is most lenient with them and also has the money to buy them stuff, but eventually maturity kicks in. How old are your children now?
Hi Louise that you for support. yes it is feeling very helpful. so sad also to see so many mothers in distress . im not being sexist just i havent seen any post on here from males.i can quite believe men go through it as well. with my 2 eldest who are 14 my son my daughter is 12 . its hurts every day that they are not all living together with there younger siblingsand me. i just hope oneday they will see him for what he really is!!!! yes my daughter stays wkends and i see her twice in wk. as for my son he has stayed twice but prefers to b back with his dad. he does come back after school on a tuesday and friday after school . so im blessed to have these times with them.
Hello flowers, I wasn't thinking you were being sexist, just that if you have been a victim of bad treatment and met others who have suffered the same, then it is hard to see the good guys sometimes 
That is so great that you still see your children plenty and you are right: they will see the rights of it in time
I see that you said elsewhere how angry you feel about everything and I really sympathise with that. It's no use people saying to you "don't be angry" cos if you are, you are. All I would suggest is two things....firstly try to think of a good and positive way to use the energy anger creates (exercise is good, or very loud singing!) and also please be reassured that it WILL diminish in time and there will come a day when you say to yourself, the only person that the anger hurts is me, and I am not prepared to feel this any longer, but give yourself lots of time 
and we are here for you to offload.
As you have both parental responsibility, whether married or not, you are supposed to make jointly the major decisions in a child's life, like medical treatment, choice of school, religion etc. Of course if you disagree you could consider mediation and if that is not succesful or suitable, one or the other can apply to the Court for a specific issue order under the Children's Act 1989 for the court to resolve that dispute.
The Court will choose what is in the best interest of the child. Neither parents have any rights. So from that perspective it is a very expensive exercise and the Court might not agree with you at all. It is best to just really convince your ex husband why it is so important for your child to move school. It is a hard one as you just like your child the best possible school.
An alternative is just to move your child and hope your ex husband does not want to spend money to bring it to Court.
Sorry I can't be of better help.