yes

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Posted on: June 3, 2013 - 10:43pm
sparklinglime
DoppleMe

Hi

There is a link to a legal expert which I know one of the parent specialists will post.  

In theory, you have the rights of a parent. 

He cannot be made to be involved in the baby's life, nor to be responsible for him.  Do you have his National Insurance Number?  If so perhaps going through the Child Support Agency, with this they would be able to find him.

Do you think that he may have left the country?

In the future he would be able to ask to see your child.  You would be able to refuse, and then he could chose to take the matter to court.

As it stands though, you child is far better having the love of one parent who is there for them 100%.

Posted on: June 3, 2013 - 11:35pm

yes

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Posted on: June 9, 2013 - 11:17am

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hello yeshim, sparkling lime means that he cannot be forced to look after the baby, as in have contact and be involved in the baby's life.When the baby is born you have to register the birth. You are automatically named on the birth certificate but you cannot name him on the certificate without him being there (as you are not married)

The only lever you MAY have is to get some financial support, although it is very hard when people are abroad. Email our Child Support expert here (click)

Posted on: June 4, 2013 - 8:15am

Anna
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi yeshim, you might also be interested in reading this article: Child Maintenance if one parent lives abroad

How old is your child now?

Posted on: June 4, 2013 - 4:54pm

yes

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Posted on: June 9, 2013 - 11:19am

yes

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Posted on: June 9, 2013 - 11:21am

sparklinglime
DoppleMe

Hi

What ever nationality, you're rights are not going to be any different in this country.  A parent can choose not to be responsible and run away so they don't have to contribute to a child's future - ok, that's a bit more difficult if you're the mother...

I was married for 20 years, and each of our children were planned.  He has chosen a new path in life that did not include his children - so it can happen to anyone.

I agree, accepting things how they are will help get rid of the anger.  You can then enjoy what lies ahead.

Be aware though, that he could come back at some point, but really, not contacting him at all could well make things easier in that respect.

You've done all you can, after all, to include him.

Enjoy your pregnancy.

Posted on: June 6, 2013 - 8:01am

Sally W
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi yeshim, It does not matter weither your baby's father is on the certificate or not, because if he wanted to he could apply to the courts for dna tests to confirm his paternity to enable him to have contact with his child.

Posted on: June 6, 2013 - 11:14am

Anna
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

This has obviously been very upsetting for you yeshim, are you enjoying the pregnancy at all, are you able to accept what has gone on and move forward?

Posted on: June 6, 2013 - 4:12pm

yes

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Posted on: June 9, 2013 - 11:27am

sparklinglime
DoppleMe

You're still in shock that this has happened.  It will take time for you to adjust.  There will be a lot of steps to face before the baby arrives, and time for you to get used to things and recover.

And you will be fine, as really you need to be.  The joy you will have, while it may be sad that you're not sharing the joy, will be precious.

Posted on: June 6, 2013 - 10:20pm

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi yeshim

Getting used to the idea of having a baby is a big step, but more so for you if you are contemplating doing it on your own. As for managing, you CAN. All the people on this board have experience of parenting alone and can encourage you that it is possible and that there is a lot of joy along the way Smile

Can I suggest that you do a bit of research about finances? there is lots of help available to support you. Click here to email our Benefits Expert, tell them when your baby is due and how long you have been in the Uk etc. Finding everything out now will be a positive way to start looking to the future.

How are you doing today?

Posted on: June 7, 2013 - 7:54am

yes

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Posted on: June 9, 2013 - 11:27am

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

We are always here to talk to Smile Don't worry too much about the crying, tears have a lot of stress hormones in them and so they are better let out! But yes, it is a case of accepting the situation and only then can you make solid plans.

Are you thinking you will stay in the Uk then?  What work do you do at the moment?

Posted on: June 8, 2013 - 11:03am

yes

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Posted on: June 9, 2013 - 11:28am

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Yes, I agree it is hard but you are doing the right thing by finding out about the money side of things now, as this will help you make decisions.  It would be possible to work part time in the Uk and get some money towards nursery costs for the hours the baby was there.....but of course this depends on you being able to remain in the UK. See what the expert's email says to start with. There is another option, for you to give the baby up for adoption but this is a massive step and one that is hard to contemplate.

Of course, accepting your break-up on a practical basis and accepting it on an emotional basis are quite different things and what you are going through at the moment is a version of grieving, like after someone has died. Have a look here (click) at a summary of that process and be reasured that what you are feeling is totally normal and is a process to be worked through. It really is a case of a day at a time. We are always here to talk to and can be here for you as you move forward Smile

Posted on: June 9, 2013 - 8:50am

yes

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Posted on: June 9, 2013 - 11:30am

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Sorry to see that you have deleted some of your posts yeshim. We are here to talk to when you wish Smile

Posted on: June 9, 2013 - 4:50pm