Looby
DoppleMe

My niece died recently and I'm struggling with how to explain things to my five yr old. He knows that she was really poorly and they couldn't make her better. He accepts that she is going to heaven, he's drawn her a picture to take with her to show to God bless him. He has started asking how she will get there and I am stumped as to what to say. She will be cremated next week, which he will not be attending. We are going to release balloons after to send up to her, as she loved balloons.

Any thoughts gratefully received. It is not something we have had to deal with before.

 

Posted on: February 21, 2013 - 6:26pm
hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi Looby. Sorry to hear about your niece. It is a difficult one, explaining it all to a child isn't it? I think you've done well so far. My son was only two and a half when my Mum died. We lived with her, so I found it incredibly difficult trying to explain. Your son is that bit older, and is asking questions, which of course you want to answer, but it's what he would understand. If he has drawn a picture for her to take to God, could you maybe say that the  Angels came down for her, sent by God. Obviously this would change as he got older! This is what I told my son, and we too released balloons, and do on birthdays etc. We like to think of Nanny and Grandad sitting on clouds, looking down on us during the day, and then becoming stars at night.

I know there are books explaining death to young children. I'm sure whatever you say to him will satisfy him for now at least.

I do hope the funeral goes as well as it can.

 

Posted on: February 21, 2013 - 7:16pm

sparklinglime
DoppleMe

I'm so sorry for your loss looby.

Posted on: February 21, 2013 - 7:31pm

Colie

I'm so sorry for your loss xx
my son was about 2 when my grandma died and I didn't actually say anything to him so I'm afraid I can't help at all, we're not christian so I wouldn't of said anything to my son about god had he asked but I've no idea what I would of said instead :-/ maybe try finding a book like hazeleyes suggested? xx 

Posted on: February 21, 2013 - 8:27pm

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hello Looby, I like the angels idea that Hazeleyes has suggested but as Colie says it depends on your religious beliefs.

You know I am a great fan of books, and here is one you might like to consider. It is one thing an older person passing away but a young person will be harder for a child to accept, as they may start to worry that it will happen to them too. The book might need a little adapting but it basically contains acitivities for a young child to do around their memories of the person and to understand what has happened.

There is a great website here that you could have a look at too

Posted on: February 22, 2013 - 8:50am

Looby
DoppleMe

Thanks ladies. I will def have a look at those books Louise, but for now J has an answer he is happy with. He's been at holiday club this week with it being half term and must have been talking to the other children. He got in the car tonight and said that he knew how she got to heaven, because D had told him. God sends the angel bus apparently and it collects all the people that have died and takes them up to heaven, where they sit on the clouds and keep watch over everyone. I had to pull over, I was crying so much. I then got told not to be sad because T (my niece) wouldn't like it. He then wanted to know who drove the angel bus, but I told him they had to take it in turns. Aren't children amazing creatures? Here I am wondering what to tell him and my job gets done for me by a six year old who lost her Mamma last year. I quite like the idea of the angel bus. It's white apparently with rainbows on the side.i would give anything to have heard his conversation with D

 

Posted on: February 22, 2013 - 10:28pm

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Aww that is so lovely Laughing

Posted on: February 23, 2013 - 8:09am

hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Your problem was solved Looby. What a lovely thought, the angel bus.

Posted on: February 23, 2013 - 11:52am

happy mamma
DoppleMe

Hi Looby

Firstly im very sorry to hear of your loss I can not imagine what you are all going through.

Had a few deaths (including pets) Ive had to explain and think without going down the god route we told my children that whoever or whatever had passed away had gone to be a star in the sky.

To be honest we are not very religous and the star thing has really caught on. My gransdon reminded my the other day when I called my cat Eric by mistake he said 'nannie you know Eric is a star in the sky' He then went on to tell me how he still looks up in the sky before going to bed and says good night to him and nana (my mum who he never met)

I think having something visual really helps

 what does everyone else think

HM x

Posted on: March 5, 2013 - 3:42pm

Anna
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

I think that is lovely happy mamma it sounds as though your grandson feels soothed by saying goodnight to Eric and Nana every night too, sweet Smile

Posted on: March 5, 2013 - 4:23pm

Colie

That's a lovely idea! xx

Posted on: March 5, 2013 - 5:34pm