Hi there, I was wondering whether there is anyone out there who has had or is having a similar problem to mine, who could give some help and advice as I am hoping to do the right thing by everyone concerned. My daughter 32 was in a committed relationship for 4yrs and good friends with her partner 30 for 8, but he has now dumped her after finding out she is pregnant, although they had always planned to have a family (but just not yet, his words) they had been living together and were very happy. She left him and the country they were living in immediately and he is totally unaware of her pregnancy status, (he has never enquired) in fact he seems to think she has aborted the baby and is oblivious that she has decided to keep it and is so excited about it all, a bit saddend by his attitude, but better to find out now his long term intentions. My whole family are delighted and she has a superb support network now and going forward, no worries there. My concerns are regarding him and his family going forward, his mother dislikes my daughter intensely and won't even mention her name (she was/is a single parent and he is her only child). I have a feeling this will be her very worst nightmare, whilst I think she should know about her impending grandchild and even be involved to some degree but knowing her animosity towards my daughter am I wasting my time or should I even bother, baring in mind she has always told her son to leave my daughter, (you don't need her) which he has now done, and she is delighted. His father thought my daughter was lovely and we hope to build a relationship with him, should he so wish. My daughter naturally feels very bitter towards her mostly, as she has always had such a stong influence over her seemingly weak son and I am at a loss as to what to say and do for the good of all. He lives overseas and she lives just down the road!! Any advice/opionions would be gratefully received. Sorry it is a long winded tale.
Hi Anna, thank you for responding. Yes I am concerned about their response, and my daughter is rather anxious about telling him (shortly) that she has decided to keep the baby. We rather hope he will tell his mother, but can't be sure he will. We both thought it best to let his mother know once he/she has been born, and as you say they will act and behave in the manner that feels right for them. Only time will tell but unfortunately it does seem to over shadow our delight at the moment. Thank you again.
Your daughter is 32, she is an adult since 14 years.
how does she feel about informing the paternal family, because once they know, there will be a lot of consequences to live with for 18 or more years. She knows the paternal family and can decide best what will be in the best interest of her child.
It means visiting very regularly in a maybe hostile environment for many years. It might be that eventually the father decides to marry someone else and wants full custody as he thinks your daughter an unfit single mum.
But maybe he will turn out a delightful dad. Let your daughter overthink what is best for the baby long term.
Hello Veronica41
Welcome along. You are right that the first thing is for your daughter to decide if and when to tell the dad that she has continued with the pregnancy. As his mum has been so negative about your daughter, I would be inclined to leave well alone and see if her son tells her. Of course it would be wonderful for the baby to know his or her grandma, but only if that grandma is well-disposed towards their grandchild!
Is the father still living in another country? I am just thinking of your daughter obtaining financial support for the child.
Hi Veronica 41, it sounds as though you are feeling quite concerned over the response your grandchild-to-be's family will have when they learn that your daughter continued with the pregnancy?
You say that you want to do the right thing and it is understandable that you think that they should know about the baby-to-be, as you know how you would feel if you were in their position, however what does your daughter say about telling them?
You are not responsible for how others act or behave, you and your daughter can only do what is right for her and her baby.