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Hello, Like most parents inc., single parents we need all the support we can get, so you can imagine how I felt when my teen came home from church - it was a special night for families and was told that the majority of children raised by single parents end up in either prison, taking drugs or suicide. My teens eyes welled up with emotion at the hurtful message.
I thought we were all here to support each other no matter what. None of us are perfect.
This message helps no-one and is certainly not uplifting.
NOTE FROM MODERATOR: Name and location removed.
Hi Anna,
Thanks for your comments. I would say that my daughter got over what the minister said very quickly and knows how loved she is by me. I felt it more - probably because after 13yrs, the last time I went to church he also said that the children of parents who have parted company are less trusting. I know that my daughter is in fact too trusting at times so he has been wrong as far as she is concerned. I suppose what I am worried about is she now wants to go to the youth group. The film courageous by alex kendrick was shown even though she didn't see the film I still feel she would have been hurt. I have always told her it wasn't her fault that her father and I split but really don't want her feeling bad through no fault of her own. He chose not see the family so it's not anything we had control over.
I feel that he has such strong views on other important matters which also have stopped people going to his church that I feel I may be wasting my time. Perhaps I'm too sensitive or maybe he dosn't mind hurting people.
Hi Hurt, some people can be very opinionated, however we need to teach our children to be tough and withstand any judgement on them or us as our circumstances won't change, they will always be the child of a single parent!
My daughter is mixed race and she has had to learn from an early age that other people have a different point of view to us. Your daughter needs to learn this too.
I bet she is a smashing girl, who knows that her mum loves her and that life is good.
If your daughter does want to join the youth group, why not have a discussion with her, raise your concerns. Say that you think that the minister can sometimes say things that you completely disagree with and of course it is always better for a child to have both parents in their lives, but actually statistics have proved that one consistent loving adult is better than two unhappy ones.
I don't think you are too sensitive at all, some people become single parents for some horrific reasons, you be proud of who you are and I would say listen to your heart, you have done/are doing one of the hardest jobs in the world, raising a child on your own - don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Hi
You're not being too sensitive. Religion (and it was very extreme) was the straw that broke the donkey's back in my case, with the children's father saying things that shocked the children.
I'm glad your daughter is ok.
Hello Hurt
I am really shocked ay what has happened and I must say that I would be inclined to contact the minister myself as a single parent, and challenge his view. But then I am a stroppy so and so!
It's really important to boost your daughter's confidence right now, which I am sure you know. Anna is right, children do very well with one consistent and loving parent. I have two boys, just about grown up now and both of them have done well at school, have fulltime jobs and are loving, respectful and brilliant young men.
I am a churchgoer myself but would question whether this is a healthy environment for your daughter. We want our children to grow up to respect and love others, no matter what our differences......Sorry, just my opinion.
Hi Louise, Just writing to say thank-you for your comments, I feel a lot stronger after reading Anna and Sparklinglime comments - I actually had a good cry afterwards. In time I may approach the minister, I'm just feeling a bit fragile because for the past few months my daughters hormones aren't as they should be, the doctor has mentioned treatment for a possible breast tumour so she gets checked at our local hospital next month. I do agree with you about our children growing up to love and respect others, thankfully she has has grown up without prejudices and would rather make a friend than an enemy.
I am glad that you had a good cry Hurt, it sounds like you needed it. I am sorry to read that your daughters health hasn't been too great, but it is good to know that you have an appointment for next month, so at least you will know what you are contending with.
Your daughter sounds lovely, what does she make of the ministers comments? I know that she 'got over' it pretty quickly, but what does she think about the fact that the comment was made in the first place?
Loads of hugs from me Hurt.
Best wishes with the tests that lie ahead, that must be so worrying.
Hi Anna, You're right, her next lot of tests can't come soon enough and I reckon most people like my daughter because she's very caring and for her sense of humour, she's definately a people person. She told me she did not like what the minister said then typically told me to drop it when I wanted to ask more questions. ( She also told me that she still likes the ministers son, they have known each other for about 14yrs.) She has always had better qualities in her character than me - she's more forgiving, I don't feel that I hold a grudge just can't believe what makes people say such cringe worthy things especially to youngsters. The minister then went on to almost contradict himself afterwards by saying that even if parents do part we are supposed to be happy.
Hello Hurt,
Your daughter has clearly spotted the flaw in the argument 
and I know that if she likes his son she won't want any trouble. Sorry to hear that she is having some tests for her health and hope these work out ok
Hi Hurt, I am not suprised your teen is feeling hurt by these comments. Unfortunately we, as adults have gotten used to hearing these comments from the press, politicians and even general public, but I am presuming this was the first time your teen had heard it.
It is not a supportive thing to say and I agree it is not uplifting either. Parents should be valued and so should teenagers regardless of what their upbringing is.
Were you able to have a good conversation with your teen about it?
Would you consider writing to the peron who gave this talk, sharing your opinions of how much this undermines the hard work people who are parenting alone actually put in?