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This really is a whingey-whiney miserable and incredibly selfish post.
I had a great time at the wedding - the service was lovely as was the sitting down part. It was great seeing people I played badminton with and chatting about the 'good old days'. People coming up to me with "so you're Jane I hear so much about" and having hugs off strangers....
The disco I found incredibly emotional, not being able to dance the night away as I once did.
I miss Jill.
I miss Jill so very much anyway, but last night it has hit me like a hammer.
Today I'm blaming The Git for everything too. This house is so small, there's nowhere to put anything. No space for anyone or anything. It will be great when the children leave - but in this economy, will that ever be a reality? Because of HIM I lost everything. Not even the vaguest chance of being able to sort us out. Had his debts been his, I'd have had £32k to start off with - and that was paying off a joint loan he'd been happily topping up since 1989, that I had thought had been paid in 1992...
I asked my daughter to text her father to see if he'd give them tea. she wouldn't as she said he wouldn't feed them (I didn't want to text as he wouldn't answer, and I know it would be no too). He saw them 6 - 9 yesterday.
Today I feel the world is so unfair. I've got £20 left until a week Tuesday, and have no idea how we'll get through the week (well I do, as youngest as £60 in his bank I'll borrow). I've told my son that he'll have to pay for his own driving lesson this week - which is not a problem, and he's happy to.
The Git have eldest the driving theory test cd-rom yesterday - The Gittess and her daughter have passed their theory. This is The Git's sole contribution to eldest's driving.
The anger I have to that man I can control most of the time. But today I really good scream. I know it's right the children adore him. I would like to feel that they were that loyal to me (which they're not. They will not defend me as they do their father).
I am so angry today.
I miss Jill. she understood me inside out and would see where I was coming from. Whats more, she would have been with me last night and we'd have had a great time.
I miss her.
Now I have to take my son to work, and I'll have to pick him up as there's not buses on a Sunday worth talking about.
All these things I do that are never shared.
Today I'll find life hard going. It's not often though I have tears streaming down my face, which is good.
Another daft thing I was thinking this morning, is that should my lot get married, I'm not sure I'd be able to sit in the same room as The Git. Listen to him talking a load of bull about how wonderful the children are, when really, he doesn't know them... I don't think I could do do it.
Why worry about that today, I'm telling myself. But this is how my stupid, stupid mind works.
I'm so bitter. I just need to get the lid back on these boxes. Just every now and then they burst open.
I'm off now. Need to feed my friends cat on the way to take eldest.
If you read it, I'm amazed.
xx
And of course I read it too Sparkling 
Perhaps the downer today comes because you had such a lovely day yesterday. (sometimes I find this with me too). I know you miss Jill so much, but we are all here for you. It's not quite the same I realise that, but all the same, HUGE hugs from me and C. Again, because Jill would have been with you yesterday, that has thrown things in the air for you today. That's not to say that you don't think about her everyday or anything.
As for the Git 
I have to laugh Sparkling, because he has nothing compared to what you have. You have a house filled with love and laughter, and through his choice, he doesn't have the same relationship with his children that you have. They love you to bits, and I'm sure they are as loyal to you as they are to him. All the money in the world cannot buy what your children give you I've had a hint of what you mean by the loyalty stuff though. I know it isn't quite the same, but it hurts like hell when C asks if I'll phone the sperm doner. I want to rant and rave, 'what on earth do you want to contact someone who doesn't give a monkey's about you, never shown any love, never given you Jack S....'
The money that you have left I can identify with too. It is so hard Sparkling.
I hope you feel much better later on, perhaps you and the kids could do a picnic for the garden. Tell your daughter that you feel sad today, and I'm sure she will give you a lovely hug.
Take care
Alison
x
Yipeeee, One Space is back on!
I hope you are feeling lots better today Sparkling. Yesterday was a rough day, but as Louise always says, today is a new day.
Hello sparkling lime,
How are you today?
Hi from me too : )
Hello
Thank you.
I've been in bed today, with such a migraine. I think I must have a bug too, as my daughter is feeling rough too.
Today I've had a phone call. To say The Git will be going to university. The person who phoned was told that he would speak to me (well, I'm still waiting for him to tell me he's moving out of the house close by and that he's getting married...). He's going well away for four years. He didn't want to tell the children until they finished their exams as he didn't want to upset them. He noticed they weren't bothered though...
So he'll be leaving. Thank goodness. I won't be anxious about seeing them in Asda anymore, nor having to worry about spoiling of plans he gets a whiff of.
He would have got away with being responsible for the children for over 8 years at that point, but then will I miss the £3 per child per week?
This person has not told me or it could mean a blazing row!
The children haven't told me, so he clearly has told them not to...
What a git.
Hi Sparkling, sorry, I'm a bit confused. The Git is moving away for four years? He's told the children, and they've been told (or you think) not to tell you?
What a blessed relief this will be for you. Is he going abroad? Were your in-laws told not to say anything either? This is such a big deal if your children were told, after all the youngest is only 12, and the 14 year old?
How are you feeling about it all?
Sadly, not abroad! I can't remember where, but the other side of Birmingham somewhere.
The way 14 year old has been behaving, I'm guessing they've been told not to tell me (he always tells them that he wants to tell me). To be fair though, I've only really seen them yesterday and been in bed all day today.
My informant told me that the in-laws aren't to tell me either - though lord knows why.
I'm delighted.
The best part was is how he told the informant that the children didn't seem bothered. Why would they be? Can he really expect them, after all the rubbish he's put them through, to be upset??
He's a disgrace anyway.
Oh my goodness, that's unbelievable.
I am glad to hear that you are so relieved about that. How strange that they were told not to tell you, did he think you would beg him not to go? It is not as if he has given you any help with the, for the last few years, and certainly very little money. (Re money, by the way, once he is studying more that a certain amount of hours per week then even if he had a massive income as well, then the normal CSA formula does not apply)
Are you going to talk to the children about this now? It sounds like a good idea just to say it really casually and to tell in particular your 14 year old that you are not bothered, (it is unfair asking him to keep a secret from you like that) Whilst I agree that the children themselves "should" not be bothered, don't be too perturbed if one or other of them does seem unsettled. But as we said the other day, who is their rock?
Back you, dear sparkling lime. I am sorry to hear that you have been poorly and had a migraine, it all seems to come at once! Hope this morning finds you improved in health.
I've told my children that should anyone ever tell them something and then tell them not to tell anyone, they must immediately tell someone, secrets are bad, it's how grown ups manipulate children, it's how people manipulate people. Never keep secrets.
Hope you feel good today, looking out the window towards Ynus Mon though I can't imagine the weather helping : )
This is happy, makes me laugh every time, my kids think its funny too but that may be as they get religion stuffed down their throats at school and seeing lots of people singing happily on crosses is silly and counter to what they have been taught as serious, it makes them laugh and laughing is good and the more you laugh as a kid the more you will laugh as an adult as all those neuron paths will be opened up and well travelled... and laughing keeps you young and happy, even laughing falsely has a similar if not so deep effect.
: )
Take care.
: )
I can't let on I know, as it really will be clear who has told me. Don't want them having a hard time.
I so agree bubblegum. I somehow think that this is his way of still having control. I can celebrate quietly inside though. Lovely links - funnily enough, the children all know 'always look on the bright side of life' including the whistling!
I know what I'm up against, and so can deal with it. My youngest will be the first to "let slip". He usually is, but then I tell him that it's right he speaks to me about things that bother him.
As for the maintenance thing. Lucky its such a small amount, nothing isn't much less than the children have now... 
PS - weather's not too bad. Youngest is on a football course, so I'm glad! Clock watching for 2.30pm when I can pick him up!
They went canoeing with the Scouts yesterday, and youngest got his only pair of trainers wet, even though he had a pair of crocs he should have worn! Had to rush out and get a pair of trainers this morning!!
Oh the trainer thing!! We have that here too. I bought son a pair of cheap canvas shoes for knocking around in, a couple of weeks later, I saw some shoes by the rack and thought what on earth are these, they are not even a matching pair, one is beige and one is cream. Turns out he had had an argument with a very deep puddle
Yes the money thing has its good side for you, I suppose. How difficult to have to keep it under your hat until you find out "officially". I still can't quite understand why he thinks you will be upset about him doing it? but your explanation of "control" sounds very plausible to explain the secrecy.
Hi sparklinglime
I have read your messages today and my heart went out to you, at the beginning you were having one of those 'awful' days. Where everything feels wrong and no-one understands, I think we should find a name for these types of days, so that we are reminded that we get them and it will pass. Anyone got any suggestions?
I am thrilled to hear that your ex is moving away Congratulations!
I was going to suggest you casually mention that you heard that 'dad' was moving away and how is everyone about it? But you said that they would know who would have told you. Is that such a bad thing? There is no need for such a big secret, you were bound to find out sooner rather than later anyway. When it does come up, I think it is fair for you to say that you are unhappy that they were asked to keep it a secret as they shouldn't have any secrets from their mum. I would tell my daughter that anyway. It is not slating him, just letting them know you 'don't approve of his behaviour'.
Your kids ADORE you, from the messages you have left over the years, whether you have meant to give the impression or not, it seems they hold you in very high esteem. Don't ever think otherwise. You have loyal children, which is a positive thing, even if it is loyal to someone you think doesn't deserve it
PS. Have a go at winning £50 High Street vouchers here
Sparkling Lime!
Thank You...
After reading your story I have just joined the site in my desperation to bring some sanity to spending the holidays with the kids with no spare cash to treat my wonderful gems after a successful year at school, while their father who pays no child support is living it up in Miami beach with his new wife.
I am so angry I could spit fire for everytime I think about how much I am struggling to bring up two of the loveliest people I have met in my life.
Thank you again and again for expressing your true feelings I really appreciate it.
I jaguarpaw.
I'm grateful to have here to be able to come to share the bad and good days.
How lovely for him to be in Miami! I totally understand you wanting to spit fire! I must remember that expression...
I was having a chat with the oldest, to see if he would 'share', and saying how sad it was that their father never felt the urge to do things with them, and how much laughter he's missed out on.
Loads of hugs from me to you.
Hi jaguarpaw
It's great that you have found encouragement from sparkling lime's post, that is what this site is all about, sharing and exchanging experiences and helping each other along.
Anna- You're right, we all get those days, or sometimes clumps of days. You asked for suggestions as to what we could call them. I was wondering about "Scooby Doo Days". I seem to remember that as the characters' camper van travelled along in the title credits, it was followed by a single black cloud which issued lightning and rain and travelled at the same pace as the van. In our family we have adopted the phrase "Scooby Doo" for times when we feel we are having a rotten day.
Scooby Doo Doo day! tee hee!
I like it Louise, well done!
Well done sparklinglime for bringing light to someone, when you are at your lowest, see working wonders, even when you are not even trying!
jaguarpaw, I love your name, I think many of us have these days and it always good to know that we are not alone!!
Hope everyone is having a skippy-dee-dee day today 
Is a skippy-dee-dee-da day the opposite of Scooby Doo? 
You got it Louise! I have to admit I am having more of a scooby doo day today, I have a headache and got a busy weekend ahead, waaaahhh, poor me!
What kind of a day are you having? sparklinglime, have the children cracked yet??
The children haven't cracked yet.
I think it's a scooby do day here today...
Of course I read it, dear sparkling lime.
Sorry to hear that you feel so rubbish today, There is anger there and sadness and a lot of "It's not fair", all of which are understandable. Weddings and funerals seem to bring emotions to the surface, as we think about things we have lost (Jill, the hopes of a happy marriage yourself) and the way we wanted our lives to go (they never do)
I know so well that feeling of hurt and betrayal that the children still love the other parent, I felt that for such a long time and the only way I eventually moved on was to think who is this emotion affecting? only me....I am not actually achieving anything by feeling this, the children don't love me more, or him less because of it, it is just me that is being eaten up by this. So in the end it was mind over matter. Extremely hard though.
I know that if you still had Jill then you could tell her all this and she would understand and after a while you would be able to feel better having got it off your chest and have a hug and your spirit would return. So here is a virtual HUG anyway, not the same, but sent very sincerely.And we are all here for you to offload to.
The money thing is a real bugbear for most of us and it often seems as if the parent without care gets away with an awful lot. I know the measly £10 a week I get in child support is an insult. Not surprising that you blame him for your present money situation then!
I haven't got any practical suggestions to make, as it seems to me you are a great mum who already does so much. Just to say try to get through today as well as you can. I would disagree very strongly with your thought that the children think more of him than you, though. You are the centre of their world and just remember that conversation with your eldest and also that teenagers are usually as selfish as toddlers and sometimes getting through a day with four of them is a major achievement in itself. In fact I have put in an order for an extra-large medal for you, you deserve it.
I do hope you feel a bit brighter as the day goes on