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Why I'm feeling so confused over the death of this man - the husband of, I guess, an ex friend.
Ex-father-in-law (I call him FiL still though) has just phoned to tell me that that funeral will be on Saturday - time, location as if I can actually go.
Also to cancel our Friday tea as The Git and Gittess are staying there over night "because they'll be going to the funeral of course".
At the end of the day he did take each fiance there (wife is fiance mark III), so why, all of a sudden, do I feel replaced. Not by The Git - no issues there, but by my once friend?
I'm hoping someone can explaing.
The friendship The Git and she had was something I accepted when I was married, and could never understand why her husband accepted it... Yet, the shock of hearing her say 'oh god' in disgust when her husband handed the phone to her when I called not long after I left is one I can't describe. I knew her practically all my life.
I know its an unanswerable one, which I already accept really, and it will be filed away with all my other never to be answered questions.
I feel so not part of life here. I've always felt not part of things since I did lose a number of "friends" with the divorce.
We are talking over 7 years here...
I just feel so confused as I'm so upset over his death. We used to have such good fun.
He used to help a friend garden down by the primary school, and he would walk right past the children for a while.
He did start to wave again - perhaps as I always waved at him when ever I passed.
He was 50.
I do feel shut out. I'm also struggling with feeling alone at the mo.
Thanks Louise.
xx
Yes I can understand that you feel particularly alone. You had your "aloneness" underlined with all the house business, and feeling vulnerable and then you have recently heard of two deaths, and of people around your age, too. Even when we don't think about it consciously we can start to wonder about our own mortality, and also there can be a sense of "all my peer group are disappearing" which can feel very scary. It is also sad for you that although you were on "waving" terms that you didn't have a chance to chat again.
Big hugs
Thank you. I do need the hugs.
Big hugs sparkling...we feel for you...
Thanks Mich.
Their house is the next estate down from here, but on a cul de sac. I'm almost dreading see her now.
I feel less confused today, I think. Probably as the children are unaffected and I have Cubs and Scouts to keep my mind occupied.
Dear sparkling
I don't know if I can explain it very well but I will have a go
When people separate, others often feel they have to "take sides". People who feel they can't take sides often abandon both sides as a result. And then there are others who can't deal with the troubles of those they know (whether that is illness, divorce or whatever) because it threatens their cosy existence and makes THEM face up to the reality of life.
Two things, remember headfulloffog has found out who her true friends are through her illness, and I mentiond the same had happened to my friend wtuh cancer and Hazeleyes said her own sister had had the same experience? and secondly, I remember when I lost my first baby very late in the pregnancy, how people would cross the road to avoid me as if it was infectious, and as they could not deal with the reality of what had happened. Many, many people shy away from these things and it sounds as if your "friend" was one of those.
The "feeling replaced"....I am thinking it is more like "feeling shut out" as if you don't belong? If you ask me, the one who is "shut out" is the children's dad, who has missed out on all those years of your lovely youngsters. You can't win 'em all, sparkling, be proud of how you have coped with what has been thrown at you, even without this "friend's" support!