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Hi All,
Did you manage to watch the hour long episode of 'Murdered by my boyfriend' on BBC3 last night? How did it make you feel, do you think it demonstrated domestic violence well, what views do you have of the programme?
The programme is still available to watch on BBC iPlayer for the next 6 days on the link below
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b047zl98/murdered-by-my-boyfriend
Sorry i have not seen it but will take a look later, i hope that your feeling better this morning skyflower? No, you should not blame yourself, i'm glad you have been able to forgive yourself 
Also the detail of how the policewoman tried to help and the way she answered the policewoman whilst he was hiding indoors, and the reaction of the policewoman then, this is so well captured..... Sally, I am feeling better now, but those programmes I really shouldn't see right now
Hugs Skyflower xx
Thank you Sparkling, you are always so tremendously supportive. Why is it that only me has commented on this programme ?
Oh I posted here earlier today and the post has disappeared I think. How annoying!
What I said was that I think programmes like this are really valuable because they let people in abusive relationships know they are not alone but also let you see how easy it is to become drawn in and that a person in that situation can't see how badly the abuser is behaving...as you say, Skyflower, it made you forgive yourself. Good for you!
Did the programme resonate with anyone else?
I did get round to watching it and found it tough watching, so can totally understand how upseting it was for you skyflower, as i watched it on catch up i'm not sure if they gave out numbers for services that can support someone in that or similair situtations?
I hope they did! Your right Louise it can be so easy to get drawn in, i would have also liked to have seen something made that focused on just the mental and emotional aspects as not all women in those situation see it as abuse because they have not been hit.
I think we still have away to go in educating people about what a healthy relationship looks like.
It was Sally, Brilliant idea Sally, I am reading a book right now : "Making dating work, boundaries in dating", (dr Henry Cloud and dr John Townsend ....it is a little old fashioned at times and here and there a bit religious, but it explains exactly how to achieve healthy relationships, and also create healthy friendships, it shows you a lot of different mechanics, I bought it for a few pennies on Amazon second hands.
The book sounds interesting skyflower i will take a look later, i did some training a few years back it is pretty much what youth workers do now in secondary schools to educate young people about abuse and healthy relationships, the focus is mainly on showing what a healthy relationship is etc.
But as you have mentioned i think there also needs to be some focus on building healthy boundaries. I think that tv could do bettter at showing people about healthy relationships.
When you're living it, you don't see it. My marriage was emotional abuse, not physical, so I was lucky. However, when the emotional abuse started to involve the children, and I felt unable to control that, that was the point I knew I had to leave.
I am now really lucky as I have met a really lovely man. Yet what I've been through has affected me so much. He is understanding and will question my actions at times, reminding me that he is not The Git.
It surprised me how aggressive I can be when I am teased about getting married or even living with anyone again. It may be 10 years since I moved out of the laughingly called family home, but moving on to a serious relationship is still difficult.
Not sure if any of that makes sense.
As I say, I was fortunate, as it was only emontional...
O sparkling, I so feel for you, Emotional Abuse is so incredibly bad and can leave such big scars....on top of that as it is not visible you keep wondering if its all in your mind or not and can't get much support of your group of friends/family as it can be so invisible to others.
You were so very brave, you couldn't do it for yourself but you could for your children, how low must your self esteem have been.
It makes sense Sparkling, and I am sorry you feel it was "ONLY" emotional as you have gone through such terrible things/abuse with him. (((((hug))))
My esteem is low. My friend made it his New Year's resolution to improve it. He thinks I am getting better. My lovely work colleague too says that I now swear more instead of saying sorry all the time.
So I am getting better...
I even spoke out about something that was really bothering me last night. Took two days to express it out loud though!
Thank you for the hugs.
The Git and Gitess are coming up in a couple of weeks. This means that The Git is on my mind again. I very rarely think of him otherwise. I have to smile and say how lovely to the children.
How awful and he still has such powers over you, I am so sorry you still have to deal with him because of the kids, no words for it 
Your right skyflower the mental and emotional abuse that we suffer is harder to overcome, but you can do it, glad your new man has made it his mission to help you improve your self esteem sparkling I just rememebered something someone said to me years ago, from victim to victory, i really like it at the time as it kept me going.
I have taken this off topic, haven't I?
I just hope I do make it..!!
I hope we all do.
No you have not taken it of topic sparkling it is all relevant to what everyone is saying on here, we will make it, i remember thinking years ago i just wanted to be the person that i was before the bad relationships, it took me awhile to realise that i could not be that person as my experiences had changed me and it was not all bad, i was able to get my confidence back, though that can wobble at times.
Hugs to you all
Hi all
I have been away for a couple of weeks, but will be watching this tonight.
Skyflower I love that you wrote that it made you forgive yourself. If nothing else, what a fabulous outcome.
sparklinglime, emotional and mental abuse can be so much more damaging than physical, because our brains are complicated things, I am so happy to read that you are with someone that you are learning to trust and be open with.
Sally W I think you are fabulous, we have all been through so much, who would have thought 20 years ago that we would be here right now with our heads held high and pride in our hearts.
High five to us all, I will be back with my opinions!!
My friend and I have spent this week talking.
Sitting opposite each other. Yesterday it was his turn to ask me questions about my marriage.
We stopped in the end. I couldn't answer his questions. Not so much about what had gone on with me, but with the children.
I am so aware that the boyfriend I had after the marriage was me, falling into the same pattern. I had been on my own for over 7 years before meeting someone.
The reaction I have had to things from my brother and my sister - a lot older than me - have made me realise that what did go on was boring. They had no interest, and a few years back my sister told me she didn't want to hear from me unless it was something good.
So how is that meant to make me feel?
My friend has told me that he now has a better understanding of why I react to stuff as i do. Also understands why the children still want to see their Father when he figures they should not want to - they have no idea how things have been.
My support has come from Onespace. Help with decisions, help with appeals... I have had no physical support since my Mum died back in 1996 when my oldest was 5.
For that I am - and always will be - grateful.
Hi everyone, sparklinglime, it is lovely to hear that you and your partner are finding the space to explore each other and learn what makes each other tick. You have been through such difficult times and it really makes me happy to hear that you have found someone you can be open with.
When your sister said that she didn't want to hear from you unless it was positive, really reminded me when my brother told me something similar. It was a shock and I was devastated, but in the long run it actually helped me. It made me stand on my own two feet, reflect on what was going on and realise that I was really on my own now and only I could change the situation.
Thank you for your kind words about One Space, we have loved having you around supporting others whilst also feeling supported yourself.
I watched the programme last night, I had my face covered at the end, it was horrific. I think it portrayed certain aspects particularly well. ie when she said I can't think for myself, I am only happy if he is happy, the moment when her head is ringing when he first threw her down, the look on her face when she walks away from the house before returning, the complete confusion and loss that she was feeling. It brought a lot of memories back.
Well done BBC3
Big Hug Anna xx
So glad you had such a good conversation with your friend Sparkling and it was harsh what your sister said to you, we all hope that our family supports us through difficult times, but can't change it if they don't. Luckily we all have us here to support each other xx
I was lucky to find this site. I have had fantastic support from my elderly Aunt, but not my brother and sister - which I accept.
Thanks for the hug Skyflower that was very lovely of you
Acceptance is a wonderful thing and forgiveness...not always easy but it sets us free.
It was shockingly accurate and so detailed in how she did not see the little controlling signs that if you are out of it can now see. I think the programme has captured so well how it is and has made it more understandable for people who have not gone through it.
It made me cry and made me forgive myself because inside I am still blaming me and when I saw her I couldn't blame her at all...I couldn't eat and felt so sick in my stomach with fear.