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Obviously, my children are way too old to even consider different parenting styles, but I would be really interested to see what people think about attachment parenting? Personally, I have alwasy strived to get the children to be as independent as possible and to give things a go. When they were tiny, bedtime was introduced (they all slept through the night at 6 - 8 weeks) for me rather than for them - does that make me selfish? I think I function better after a good night's sleep. They never slept in my bed unless they were really unwell and stayed in my room only the first week.
You can already see that I would probably be the best advocate against AP. The thought that I breast feed my child for years (I did a year each - when they started biting, that was it) and have it as physically close to me as possible ALL of the time already makes me feel claustrophobic. To jump at every cry wouldn't even enter my head.
On the other hand, once they are old enough it's been proven better to explain things rather than just punish (I tried to do that). What do people think?
Sorry - I would have put a proper link, but it doesn't work properly here...
I think that there something in having a strong attachment with your child when they are in their formative years, research has shown that if you put the time in when they are really little making them feel secure they are more likely to have good self esteem and confidence as they get older.
I picked this theory up years ago after i had suffered postnatal depression and had not bonded properly with my daughter, at first it made me feel guilty then the more i learned about it i found that i could work on re bonding/attaching with her in a positive way (i was spoiling her out of guilt).
Some of you may find this interesting it is called the Still Face Experiment some of the theory behind the experiment is based on attachment theory.
Ah, but there is secure and then there is clingy. My children always felt secure with me. :-)
I know from my counselling work that people who had attachment problems/lack as a child can experience all sorts of problems in later life. Two people I worked with were "sent away" as babies, one because the mum felt disgraced by being a single parent, the other baby because they were "naughty" These two middle-aged clients had significant emotional difficulties.
Now,although a child has no conscious memory of these things, there is talk about them in later life and if no reparative work is done then the effects can linger. When a baby or small child is ill and in hospital, it is hard for parents to be there 24/7 but as they are aware of it, they will do some reparative work. The same goes for if the parent is ill, for example with Post natal Depression. Security is the key, and a close, solid relationship with their carer will give that child a deep-rooted sense of self-worth.
It's good for a small child to have consistent care from a main caregiver but that does not mean breast-feeding for years and not encouraging them towards independence and autonomy...after all, that is our ultimate task as a parent, to enable the child to function as an independent being. There is a class of parent that seeks to keep the child dependent on them long after it is helpful for the child, and that is about the parent's own need, and dare I say, problem. Of course we need to explain the reasons behind things as soon as they are old enough but without smacking them we also need to be the boss, to set the boundaries and to maintain some control with methods like "first...then" and incentives or, ultimately penalties.
As usual, I reckon it is a balance between things without being too extreme either way
What is it?