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Hi,
I was last on here about a month ago due to a previous relationship which involved domestic violence. I said that my 15 year old son was deeply affected by this and hasn't been to school for 2 years. He sits at his computer all the time and is quite happy in his own little world. He isn't interested in going out as hasn't got any friends really. When he does have to go out it is like a big effort and he cant wait to come back. He lacks social skills and finds it hard to have a 'normal conversation' unless it is to do with computers or motorbikes. Anyway after having just about everybody involved he has recently finally seen a child psychologist who visited him at home and he has diaognosed him with Aspergers syndrome..
My problem is, where do I go from here? He has now been signed officially off school but I am so worried that when he is 16 he will not be capable of going off and getting a job and having a social life etc. Can anyone help?
Thank you.
Hi
My son was diagnosed with autism/Asperger's syndrome when in reception class. It takes a lot of work to keep them engaged with social activities and many things take patients and perserverance to get them to do things.
They do lack social skills - which doesn't really improve.
You can apply for Disabled Living Allowance. What proposals have the education authority put in place for his education?
I can only go by my experience. The whole thing is harder now my son is 16 and six foot tall, as I can't pick him up and make him do things. Although he does usually plod on behind me to the car...
Bribes work well. My son is a brilliant artist and his main hobby is building model air craft. He paints them to perfection. He does something for however long and he has a model. They're not too expensive.
All the following in just my opinion. I know I'm making it sound easy, and as my son was diagnosed so young, it is a way of life for us as a family. I know how he works, and when he does have a tantrum, I can sense how long to let this go on for before telling him to shut up.
He takes a lot of work, just to us (I have three other children) it is a way of life.
You need to find what your son enjoys. You need to get him away from the computer, however difficult. If it takes a MacDonalds to get him out, then so be it. But you need to get him away from it.
My son would be on the laptop or playstation all day if I'd let him. I don't. He is always dragged away, however much he sulks, to do other things.
He is going to college in September to do art. I had hoped he would do mechanical engineering, but a teacher somewhere has told him he's not going to do well in his GCSEs and so he has now given up trying. He actually did ever so well in the first lot of exams last year. He has not had the classroom support he should have because he isn't disruptive in class.
What interest does your son have? My son has a cycle of interest, and has since he was small. Aircraft, Titanic and trains.
Absolutely no interest in anything else.
He has one incredibly loyal friend, who understands how he works, and appreciates that he needs to be 'watched' when out and about, and is never offended when he's at our place if C goes back to his bedroom. He can only be social for so long. His friend is almost part of the family, and friends with all of my lot, especially by daughter.
Please try to see what your son's interest is. See what he's looking at on the computer. Yes, I understand he's happy in his world, but he does need to be brought into your world too. My son loved going to Cosford air museum, and I used to take him every year (his friend too). Just I'm disabled now and so can't walk around the place.
I find it difficult that they've signed your son off school when they should be putting other things in place.
I'm sure Louise, Anna or Sally will have some links as who to contact next. But personally I would be contacting the education authority to see what they can put in place.
Those with Aspurger's can be independant. I know my son could be - but will need someone to keep an eye on him. He can cook - but will leave the oven door open, cooker ring on...
Personal hygiene is - and always has been an extreme challenge!
As for the future, I don't know. I wish I could answer that. College for two years almost means I don't need to panic again for now. My daughter is going there too, which is such a great relief as I know she is there somewhere if there is a crisis. She is aware that she's not responsible for him, but as they've got older they are so close.
Sorry to go on so much. But I could go on loads more!
To me, the first step is to contact the education authority. Now he's had a diagnosis there will be support available for him. While it might seem unfair to make him go, it really does make a difference when they're in a routine of going. It's getting them into that routine that's the challenge, once the routine is established its ok.
Hard work, but it is what makes them who they are.
Motorbikes.
Is there a motorbike museum in your area?
My son went to London over the weekend with his art club. He was telling me that there were loads of aircraft about - I'm guessing with the Jubilee. He told me that people were amazed that he knew all about each and every aircraft... spoke to my friend who was responsible for him while they were there 
lucky she understands him, as they struggled to get him to shut up about them.
Thanks, sparkling lime, I knew you could give cherylb a lot of information about your experiences with your son
Hi Louise,
You are right about it being a bit of a shock. In fact when I was told I disagreed with it because I didn't want to believe my son actually had anything wrong. I have since read quite a bit about Asphergers and although a lot doesn't apply to him, I can see that some does. Hopefully I can start to understand it now by listening to others in the same position, and to try to move forward with it
Thank you Sparklinglime, you have been a great help.
Regarding his education. I knew some time ago that I was never going to get him back into school. After involvment with CAHMS a tutor came to the house for a half an hour maths lesson but he refused to engage and wouldn't even come out of his bedroom. She came about 4 times but it was the same every time. I am arranging on line work for him but he is so uninterested. He is quite capable but doesn't want to know. The only interests he has are computer games and motorbikes. He had a motorbike when he was younger and enjoyed riding it but thats all he enjoys. My older son has offered to take him on the back of his but he isn't interested at all. School have mentioned him going to X-crossers. This is an organisation connected with school and based around motorbikes. It is a small group that work and learn about motorbikes but they also do other lessons such as maths. The problem is, it is very expensive and because he hasn't attended school they are not prepared to take the chance that they will get him into this and then he will refuse to go. They are trying to sort out a taster day for him to see how he feels about it first. The problem is time goes on before anything gets sorted out and now shortly we will be coming up to the summer holidays and it will be September before anything happens. I am somehow trying to get him a dirt bike just to get him out but saying that, there is nowhere to legally ride it in my area so that will be another problem.
Another year and my son will be at school leaving age. I have tried to discuss what he is going to do but he isn't interested. He doesn't show an interest in anything of a 'serious' nature. The mention of what is he going to do when he leaves school, and he walks off and gets annoyed. He isn't bothered about earning money because he says he doesn't need any. He isn't interested in clothes, he isn't bothered about friends although he has one friend. But even then he only likes to talk to him on line and obviously his friend wants more than that so he has his own other friends that he goes out with. I do try to get him to go to places with me but at 15 doesn't want to go out with his mum. All he says is he would go to the motorbike shop but I am very reluctant to take him as he will want me to buy him one and he will go on about it constantly. I have told him I cannot afford it. His dad is not involved with him and he hates his dad but he has said he will get him a motorbike. I dont know whether that will happen.
Thank you for your suggestions. It really helps and has given me lots to think about!
I would have expected the education authority to have an obligation to help your son.
My son has no interest in clothes. He would wear the same clothes forever!
Hello Cherylb, how is your son getting on and how are you feeling?
Hello cherylb
Nice to see you, I have been wondering how you are getting on
It is always a bit of a shock when our child gets a diagnosis like this. On one hand we can feel relieved that behaviours we were concerned about have a definite cause, and on the other hand we don't want our child to be labelled and we worry about the implcations for their future.
Some people on this site have experience of Aspergers in their own children and I am sure will share their knowledge. For myself, I think information-gathering is the first step for you so have a look here where you can find out all about it. Once you have lots of information to hand you can start to look for sources of support for both you and your son.