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I would love to hear any tips for keeping costs down over xmas.
I dont have any family at all outside of my 5 children, and can find it a very expensive and lonely time of year.
I am waiting to see what cuts the supermarket beginning with T are going to introduce this week, all the others should follow suit, might be some bargains to be had?
I never buy things from T as it is an expensive shop. The goods that are cheap in price taste rubbish and everything else you can get cheaper anyway!
As always shop around as much as possible.
Don't buy selection boxes, buy a nice Christmas theme bag and fill with lots and lots of treat size sweets and small chocolates. After Halloween these usually go down in price so pick them up, and share them out into a special bag. You get so many more sweets for a cheaper price!
I also have no family support so Christmas is a reminder of how awful my family are. I have even called Careline or something like that just to hear an adult voice for 10 minutes over Christmas.
I also never watch the soaps as they just remind you of families, the extended network etc. A reminder of what I would like.
I find Boxing Day hard though, as the the kids are tired from excitement. I am also exhausted then. But by Boxing Day I can say it is the last day of Christmas, so that helps. I also have really easy meals on Boxing Day.
I prepare all the potatoes and vegetables on Christmas Eve, as there is no time on Christmas Day.
It may help if you say to the kids we are only getting up at say 7am, as mine would get up at 12.01 if they could!
Hi towerofstrength. I feel the same about the family thing. I don't get invited to theirs for xmas. Two of them ring me, and I hear all the noise in the background. Adults and children chatting etc. My son and I then spend the day on our own.
Good tips there, tower of strength!
My tip is to try to buy a couple of things each week towards the Christmas food.
I think Boxing Day is harder even than Christmas Day, as there is not even the excitement of it all to carry the kids through.
There is a school of thought that appears to think of loneliness at Christmas as confined to elderly people, whereas the isolation of parents with sole responsibility for children and with no family around can be very painful.
It is worth looking round the area to find things that are free to do. Many of these will obviously be associated with churches, such as Christingles. But communities also do lunches etc and concerts, although these are in the lead up to Christmas whereas it is the bit afterwards that is harder. Once your children are older and can be left for a while, just go out on your own and have a walk to blow the cobwebs away, there will plenty of people around dog-walking etc that you can say hello to. If the children are smaller you wil have to take them. With that in mind one of their gifts could be designed with a purposeful outing; I bought a very cheap metal detector one year and they enjoyed going out with that (found a few bottle tops, lol) or you could buy an I Spy nature book. Come to think of it, you can design your own treasure hunt for them in your local area (in advance) with clues and cheap sweets as a prize.
I would also like to say that it is a myth that everyone else is in lovely Waltons-type family situations. How many times have you heard people talking about their Christmas with great irritation because they have had to tolerate unwanted guests or do things to suit some elderly relative. At least if it is only you then you are in charge of what happens!
I remember you saying that last year too Louise. Wow, where has this year gone?
I have been trying to buy little things for the last few weeks, such as little bags of sweets, smartie tubes, fruit pastille tubes (iceland £1). Each year I wrap the tubes for C. Have also been going to the £1 shops for stocking filler things.
Over the years I have learnt that quantity in the parcels seems to have mattered more than what they've had.
I do the stockings for my lot - yes, still, even though they're getting on a bit now. I buy those tube sweets as they love them. I've got the chocolate oranges as they were on offer, which is as far as I've got. Last year I bought them cheap felt tips, colouring pencils and a colouring book and dot to dot book - which they loved. My eldest was 17 last Christmas and loves the juvenile stuff!
Almost three years ago now, I did buy a Wii, but this was between the four. Anything big like that then they know they have to share.
Christmas does not have to be expensive. My jaw drops when I hear what children have.
Hi
There's also just my three children and myself for holidays. We have fun making all our own decorations and you'd be surprised what good quality almost as new pressies you can find in the charity shops - last year I got one of my sons a Harry Potter board game, DVD and trading card game all as new from the charity shop as as a huge HP fan he was delighted.
xx
That looks good Bubblegum. C likes lego stuff too. He does have lego batman on his DS.
Homeedmum, I also picked up a game in the charity shop last year or the year before. Also jigsaw puzzles, which my son loves. Some of the charity shops, I think you have to be there at the right time to pick stuff up. Bit like bargains at the 'normal' shops.
Hi Bubblegum,
You could be right, ignore it and hope it goes away!!!!!!!!!
towerofstrength, I totally understand the calling careline just to hear an adult voice.
It is my mothers birthday on Christmas day and having been cut off by everyone in my family about 16 years ago, I find Christmas day particulary difficult.
I was cut off for going into a womens refuge and also for having black children, always baffled me that one as I was brought up to believe everyone was equal.
My father was very poorly in 1999 and I received a call from my ex sister in law, managed to visit my father just once in hospital which after so many years was so hard to do, I told him that I loved him and that I had a good life with beautiful children.
My father died not long after my visit but no one told me till the day of his funeral, well till it had started so I couldn`t go, as it was a cremation and not a burial there is nowhere for me to go visit, there is no memorial stone at the crematorium nothing.
I sound like the original scrooge, bah humbug and all that but it really does still after all these years hurt like hell.
I think the hurt from such a trauma will stay with you forever.
Loads of hugs.
You don't sound like Scrooge at all. Christmas can stir a lot of poignant memories and magnify any pain. You can come on here and let off some steam any time you want, we all support each other through the more difficult times.
Hi tiredmum. That is so sad for you. I don't understand families at all. They can be so cruel can't they? Have you thought about maybe making some sort of 'remembrance' place in your garden, (if you have one). Just a little corner maybe with flowers and perhaps a plaque, or simply a rose bush.
You rant away all you like, as Louise says, that's what we are also here for.
I have candles that I light.
My Mum died just before Christmas 1996, and truly, it has never been the same since for me...
xx
When I was a kid Christmas usually involved someone getting drunk (my dad), arguments and someone storming out the house (my mum) and then me my sister and my dad would go out looking for her, in a car with him drunk once I remember : )
I don't remember it in a bad way or anything, but I'm not really into Christmas, or birthdays for that matter, I've not celebrated them when I've been on my own, just when I've been living with my sister or with girlfriends.
: )
Hi to you all and thank you for being so nice!!!!!!
I am usually the stong one, you all probably have been there and done that always strong for everyone else and rarely talk about how you feel, one space is a really really good place to be able to find answers to problems, recipies but most importantly I have found that I can just be me, me on a good day or me on a bad and down day, and someone always answers, that is so refreshing these days and I really do appreciate it, thank you!!!!!!!!!
I have to say bubblegum I remember so little about my childhood, great big chunks are missing like all the Christmas`s all the birthdays in fact most of it isn`t there, well I am sure it is there but it is buried and that sometimes scares me that it will all come back, not sure I want it to as I am fairly certain it wont be pleasant.
The idea of something in my garden is a lovely idea but it wouldn`t mean anything to me as this house has no connection at all to my father it isnt even the house I lived in when he died.
Most of the time I just get on with things but this time of year is for me the worst roll on 2011 I say just not New years eve, I dislike that too.
I hope you all have a lovely evening
You're more than welcome tiredmum. That's what we're all here for
Christmas was wonderful when I was growing up. A big family, then that got extended of course by nephews, nieces etc. Everyone would gather at the house we grew up in (I never left) Lots of games were played and then Boxing day would be more of the same. That's why I think, actually I know, this is why Christmas is sooooo hard for me. I would have loved for C to have the Christmas's that I had. He and I do have fun and play games though, so I try hard to make it special for him, and I guess that's all that matters. I don't like New Years Eve either. Again for the same reason.
Oh yes, I get very sentimental on New Year's Eve and not in a good way. I think it helps to let yourself off the hook a bit, that is to say I tell myself I am not good with New Year's Eve, I accept that about myself and don't try to go into too many of the whys and wherefores, I try and think of it as a characteristic, such as I am terrible at drawing or I don't like sweet and sour sauce.
The chunks of your childhood that are "missing", tired mum, your mind will have blocked them as as a coping mechanism, because you don't want to remember them and that's Ok. Maybe one day you will find it helpful to bring them to the surface and deal with them, and maybe you won't: either way is fine.
As we get older, and sorrows come into our lives-particularly bereavement-I do believe our view of the world changes and whilst I would never advocate forgetting the person and getting on with life regardless, there is something very powerful about accepting that death is part of life, and holding the person within our heart, not with sorrow, but with some gratitude for all that they were to us.
It is harder with family rejection as there are still so many unresolved questions and feelings. Try not to torture yourself with these too much: you can decide either to deal with them (which involves long term counselling and revisiting those buried years) or decide to put them to one side...otherwise you get the worst of both worlds.
I am glad you have found us, tired mum, we are here for you
I hate New Year!! I always look back and think how little I've achieved!
My Mum was a nurse, and always worked on Christmas Day. I never understood why, and she would say that it was so those with families could have a day off (Mum went back to work when I was four and half - the day I started school).
As I got older, I realised it was to get away from my Dad. My Mum was a victim of dv, and I think that the stress of Christmas would get my Dad so angry, that she felt it was easier being out the way!
...but you HAVE achieved so much, sparkling lime. Your continued support of your four lovely children says that to start with. Your eldest has had some problems and you are helping him work through them, and your 14 year old has his own needs, which take up time and patience. Throughout this, and your mobility problems, you have been a Scout Leader, worked part time in your friend's business, studied, been a good friend and neighbour, maintained a relationship with your in-laws, been a FAB help to so many on One Space...and those are just the things I can think of off the top of my head!
Honestly, I bawl my eyes out at midnight!
I know where you're coming from on that one!
Saw my eldest yesterday and it turns out that he wants a stocking this year too. I have spent weeks collecting little things for youngest's stocking and have got it all now. All I have got to put in one for the eldest is a rather rude fridge magnet 
So I am going back on my second favourite website, ebay. THIS site is my first favourite of course!
Good job you said that Louise 
C has been writing some xmas cards out this week for classmates. Yes I know it is extremely early, but if it isn't started now, then it is all rushed at the last minute. So, he has been doing a couple a day. I've also started some too
He asked me yesterday what date we will be putting xmas tree up Now that is something I DON'T want to think about just yet!!!
My eldest would be heart broken if he didn't have a stocking...
They are all young at heart
Last year I told them I expected a stocking this year - especially as the friend who's pushing it had a stocking too...
Last year I had a box of After Eights wrapped in an Asda carrier bag...
We shall see, and I'm not holding my breath!!
No, just keep your fingers crossed instead.
I remember when I was about 15 my Mum said I was too big for a stocking and I honestly thought she was joking and one would appear on Christmas morning, I was sooooo disappointed that she was telling the truth
Keep dropping those hints Sparkling, (if I were you, it would be everyday)
Hi
I feel sad that I am going to have to tell my two (7,9) that santa isn't real this year as I have just gone onto income support and can't afford much for them both! How do you explain to them that when mummy is poor santa doesn't bring as much either!! Fed -up!
Hi Bessie. The way I do with my 8 year old, is to fill the stocking. Anything from the £1 shop, colouring book, pencils, chocs, anything. He is always delighted with whatever, as long as he knows it is from Santa.
I will have to learn how to economise alot better. I am fed up with my current financial situation and hope that the kids won't be without too much thats all. It is just another way I suppose of me trying to protect them against the realities of single parenthood thats all. I know I am very capable of making christmas nice for them on a budget, but kids become aware at this age about the bigger picture of things. I feel sorry for my two!
Hi Bessie
I know how you feel, it is really difficult but don`t be too hard on yourself
I dont know what area of the country you live in but is there a freecycle or freegle where you are? It is a great way of giving and receiving and it costs nothing.
I have in the past turned to my local church for help, wasn`t easy to say I had no money for Christmas but it was true, they really helped me out with some food and some presents for the children and I was so grateful.
I cant say whats right and wrong for you, just giving you a little part of what I have had to do over the years.
Good luck, I hope that there will be a way for you not to have to tell your children santa isn`t real, that seemed to make you so sad.
Hi Bessie
I always used to tell my two that parents had to send the money to Santa for the presents.....and that is why my son's friend got twice as much as he did (and he and his mother rubbed our noses in it, but that is another story! )
The Salvation Army will usually be able to give you some food and some gifts for the children, but you need to be referred by an agency. Click here to find your local Salvation Army and you can ask them where they take referrals from. I know it is hard to ask for help but we all need a hand from time to time.
Hi Bessie
Please don't tell your children.
You can have so much fun making your own decorations - paperchains, and snow men to stick on the window.
Perhaps they just need to realise that this year that you'll be doing Christmas a bit different.
With my lot (and I was broke when I was married too, so I guess my lot were used to it!) I have found quantity is what matters. Like Alison suggests, the colouring books and felt pens are well loved here (they had them last year, and my oldest was 18...) I always told them I sent a budget to santa.
We fill the house with Christmas music and it does sparkle as I love tinsel.
I don't recall my lot ever moaning about what they've had for Christmas, as I told that that the magic of Christmas is what matters. And even now they're quite old (youngest is 11), they still look forward to the magical side of it.
Hi Sparklinglime
I am amazed at how you all have managed to keep so strong for your kids. My situation is overwhelming for me sometimes, and I have to get used to it. I also have an ex-husband that buys them lots, and that I'm afraid of the children turning to him because of this when they are a bit older. Hopefully they won't, but at present they can be 'bought'. It is because of him I have ended up in this financial position!! Am feeling bitter at the moment but it will pass eventually...
I feel very bitter, and I'll never forgive him! However, I manage to file it away and it is something I can live with.
When we split up he was earning £34k a year, and so was able to buy things for the children - but amazingly, didn't, claiming that he had no money.
I have tried to fill their lives with as much laughter as we can, and somehow, I like to think that has helped.
Their father has chosen to see very little of them, which has become hardly at all since he met his now wife. He has now moved away to go to Uni (but sadly they're coming to stay with his father and step-mother over Christmas).
My lot are now decorating the house for halloween. They're having a great time! Simple things seem to bring them a lot of pleasure. Long may it last...
I have been lucky - but have been on my own since March 2004 when they were 5, 8, 10 and 12!
Hi Bessie
I don't blame you for feeling bitter about what has happened. The main thing is for that rancour not to spill over into the way you are with the children. Of course they will snap up any material items they can (they are normal children!) but it won't make them love you any less, or him more. If you think that the balance is getting a bit skewed, it might be worth introducing a few particular books onto their radar. I have posted links to some suggestions here and here
There is a massive challenge in making the children's Christmas, and day to day life, good fun and magical, but it is one that you can meet!!!
Thanks for the tips sparklinglime and Louise. I am sure I can keep things going at my end. The problem at the minute, which I feel very bitter about is that my ex and his family have contributed to my university course ending! I was happily tootling along with my new life, education at uni. Last year my ex and his family reported me to the local police when I tried to get to see the children. He avoided all my calls and I couldn't get to speak to my kids.He did not even wish to acknowledge my existence, combine this with anger and his family backing him up you get a recipe for disaster on my part! Heartbreaking time for me and stressful. I had to tell uni about this encounter, and have been honest throughout. They allowed me onto the course,but unfortunately this information was not kept confidential. As a result I have had no choice but to leave as my reputation there is mud. So I now have no job, career, income and christmas is coming. I am quite cross about my situation to say the least, but I am able to put that aside when the kids are with me. When will my life run smoothly?
I don't feel my life is smooth.
I do OU, so do my course at home. There are tutorials if one is able to go - but they're not in my area, and I probably wouldn't even if I could.
I am classed as a carer as my third child has autism/aspurger's, which add's challenges to life.
My ex-in-laws have been tremendous support, after a bit of a rocky start with his dad (she's his step-mother).
Hi Bessie
The answer to your question is "never!" because, really life never does run smoothly for anyone...and even if we have brief periods where things seem settled, there's always a new challenge round the corner so it is good to make the best of things from day to day.
I am sorry to hear you had to give up your uni course, that is a lot of losses to deal with all at once. Do you have someone you can talk to about how you are feeling? whether a good friend or a counsellor?
Do I understand from your post that you do not have the children the majority of the time? There is a fab organisation for Mums who are apart from their children for a significant proportion of time and you can see their website here
Hi
I do have the children for the majority of the week (60/40 split in my favour), and I suppose the children get to see both parents, although shared care becomes more complicated if the communication between you both is poor. My ex was never any good at talking to me much when we were together so this has been a difficult past couple of years... They need two sets of everything, very expensive too. I will have to start again now, and not quite sure where to start. Its frustrating as I had started again when he left, then again when I started uni. I am starting from day to day, small steps. I am becoming an expert at starting again!
Sparkling lime always says that to achieve something we need to realise it will take "baby steps" and she is right. Sometimes, when it feels hard to move forward, it is worth hanging on to this knowledge and crediting yourself with any baby steps you have achieved.
I suppose you are in the situation where you are moving to Job Seeker's Allowance soon as well?
Hi Louise
I will be hopefully receiving IS soon, but even this has not been without a battle. The student bursary I received has stopped 3wks ago, but they tell me at the student bursary place that it will take 4-6wks before they can even send me a letter saying that my bursary has stopped. Bursary place has been really appalling with me. (I have been fortunate to have found an excellent solicitor throughout last 2 yrs, and I know she would act on my behalf at the drop of a hat! Fools). That meant my I wouldn't receive any money for 6wks. I was advised by IS to contact CAB. I have now let IS speak with student bursary direct. I am getting IS until January, and was told if I had applied after a certain date in October I would have to claim JSA instead.
Had a better day today, I need time to gather my strength again, and figure out my future. It takes time.
We've had a good Halloween. Trimmed up and kids have enjoyed it. Got lots of sweets!
Hi Bessie
I am glad you have had a better day and the children enjoyed their Hallowe'en. You're right: it does take time and the baby steps I mentioned is a very valuable way of looking at things.
The finances sound an absolute nightmare and you certainly have had to keep your finger on the pulse with everything.
Phew!
I'm glad you had a good weekend.
The good times help make the challenges more copable.
Hi Bessie, glad the kids had a lovely Halloween, and got lots of sweets. Hope they've hidden them out of mum's way 
We have loads here, and I do get the munchies for them from time to time. Rather me with cavities though, that's my excuse and i'm sticking to it, hehe.
x
Think all us lonely people should get together at xmas ! xx
Money back sites are good:
www.quidco.com - ive made quite a bit back from shopping online.
money saving expert is good for money off codes too xxx
Ignore it, it might go away?