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Any ideas how to control the anxiety i feel leading upto the handover?
I'm able to control it infront of child, but nevertheless i still feel it and its not good for me.
Does it go with time?
Personally I think it diminishes with time for MANY people (not everyone) but maybe it never goes, in the same way as general worry about your offspring never goes (still worry about mine at 23 and 18)
For me, the big calming of anxiety came as the eldest became articulate enough to tell me what had gone on PROPERLY. Maybe aged 7 or so. However, it had diminished by then in that the more times I got them back safe and sound, the more confidence I began to feel in the time they had with him
I'm still anxious to be honest! My ex and had had split before and the handover nearly killed me. I think that was because I wasn't done with the relationship and I felt like I was handing over my life as well, all wrapped up in the 3 of them. I still pace the floors when they're away but this time, I go out, I meet friends, I have a glass of wine and read a book. It's getting easier and this time I know I have to make time for myself!
I'll never be totally comfortable with it, none of us planned for things to end up like this but bottom line is, they are safe with their dad and they love him.
I was the same. Sitting clock watching. It was a relief when he stopped having them overnight, then the dread he'd start again...
I don't think the anxiety does go. I was lucky in that he moved away and has hardly botherered since. Lucky for me, that is...
I don't think it ever goes, unless you have complete faith in the other parent. However, the levels can go down over time 
Hi,
I have not posted in a long time but as time has went on I seem to feel ok at handover. I then get really nervous wen my son is due home because I then have to deal with the lies & not so nice things daddy says about me. I am glad that its only every 2 weeks.
As you all say baby steps.
Great to see you, fizzyliz
Hi Louise,
Have not posted for a while but regularly read posts. Hope you guys are all doing ok.
Things been up & down for me n d. My ex is clearly bi-polar but in denial. Changes from one week to another re how he knows he needs help to I am an evil cheating b***h. One chat with GP in 18 months. Ill or not he is still holding down a job & functioning when it suits him in all other areas. When it comes to him the phrase "wants cake & eat it". Yep single guy gets bored then wants to play happy family man, cottoned onto that a long time ago.
Eaten up with jealously re me n will never change & tells terrible lies to my son. I need to find me as a person let alone go near a man, I am not ready for that. Gladly he sees through him but not fair on the wee guy. Promises him everything n gives nowt.
Always pleading poverty, telling everyone that he gives me lots of money cos hes a good guy! Eh no what CSA would expect. He has no clue about how lucky he is even with the amount of money he has left with much more than most people these days. I have been left with the debt from putting him through uni. Should spend less money on booze n latest burd. Yeh all family now supporting him cos I am the evil money grabbing ex. But then again he can only sponge off them for so long.
Have good friends & work is as challenging as ever.
Sorry another fizzy rant.
sorry for hi jacking this thread.
It's good to hear from you fizzylizz! You can only do as you are doing and rise above what he does and make sure your boy is doing as well as he can be, with you keeping him steady. If his dad has untreated bipolar disorder then this will emerge more strongly in the coming months and hopefully this will shift the status quo
Pink Lilly, how are the handovers going?
Thanks Louise, all things considered d is doing well. Time will tell as they say.
I am not looking forward to my handover tomorrow night because I know that I will have to unravel the ball of lies dad has told him. Am watching contact very closely and if dad does get more unwell or moves in with new g/friend of a month overnights will stop. I send him in & out bec I cant bear to look at him because of some recent issues.
Pink Lily I hope you get on ok.
Glad to hear that d is doing well fizzy liz 
Hmm. It didn't really go for me. I was always worried I wouldn't get them back (probably because he did threaten that a lot), even though all my friends assured me that he didn't care enough to really want to look after them. (He now hasn't seen them in 8 or 9 years and they're almost grown up).
The way I sort of got over it was that they really wanted to see him, and that was more important than my fears. Sorry this isn't too helpful. x