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Hi,
Firstly, sorry for having been absent for a long while, and secondly sorry for talking about a book that is not 50 shades of grey;)
But I've just stumbled on these books... and wow I don't even recall how I found my way there! But stumbled I have done. And I am interested on your opinion, Louise, as a therapist yourself, I'm hoping you are already familiar with them?
I have read 100+ positive reviews of them and 2 negative ones.
I like the concepts and ideas of hers that I can gleam from amazon etc, as they concur with my own personal feelings, but reading the negative comments, one did strike me as a reason to err on the side of caution and maybe avoid the work.
That these are infact not so helpful reads, and are easy to swallow as they give us the 'it was my parents fault' line and never really sustain a feeling of well being as result in just grandiose moral platitudes which the auther herself tears to shreds in most of her work.
Hi JaneHope and great to see you, how are things?
I am glad you have been able to give some helpful input Mary as I have not read Alice Miller (maybe I should?) although have heard of her and read ABOUT her. I think it is good to look at things with an open mind and decide for yourself. Whilst I would agree in one sense that many of our difficulties come from our childhood, it is then for us as adults to take responsibility for our lives and work to change them if need be. I have certainly witnessed the "blocking out" of childhood pain in clients.
What resonated for you, JaneHope?
Thank you Mary for your reply, very helpful.
And Louise, thank you too:)
Thinking about Alice Miller I remembered a quote I came across this year:
life may be compared to a piece of embroidery, of which, during the first half of his time, a man gets a sight of the right side, and during the second half, of the wrong. The wrong side is not so pretty as the right, but it is more instructive; it shows the way in which the threads have been worked together.
By arthur schopenhauer
http://www.gutenberg.org/files/10715/10715-8.txt
http://blog.gaiam.com/quotes/authors/arthur-schopenhauer
His work resonates a little better with me Louise. I hadn't really thought about how Hitler
was infact a product of his society and parents etc.
(formatting this comment is appearing a total nightmare)
But then the argument, you have to take responsibility for yourself
at some point.
It's a difficult one. It's hard to shake a lifetime of ghosts words
from ones head. Hard to respect yourself if you have become someone
your primary care giver spent your childhood 'chastizing'. Hard
to deal with a hypocritical life.
Knowing best and doing best are really hard with ... mental illness.
Through the Alice Miller spectrum, nearly all mental illness can be
said to have been caused by your parents, and on and on and on.
Basically, I'm gonna be thinking about this one for awhile longer.
I want, need to re-connect and recapture the near exceptional mother
I was before I got pregnant with my second kid. After all the hormones
and tiredness etc faded, I stopped singing. Which really helped my mood.
Because, with my first, whenever he was upset, I'd sing a nursery rhyme
and he'd stop crying. With my second, it didn't help. In fact it made things worse.
by 1 year old, I'd stopped singing almost completely because I was told to
by my second kid! Still try and struggle with it a bit... but...
meh. daughters are hard dammit.
So here I see I still appear to be a victim of circumstances rather
than taking control. dammit dammit dammit.
I have depression, which is kind of because of my upbringing.
This impacts on my life in so many ways that half of them I am even
unaware. So I have to wonder, what this despondant at times mother, how
will that effect the kids.
Then serenity prayer will jump up.
and urgh.
this comment is very long.
I'm gonna go chill and watch tv.
Hope you did manage to chill & have a break, JaneHope. Try not to be too critical of yourself; I know from my ongoing struggle with depressive moods that I am capable of being my own worst enemy.
I agree - daughters are very hard - I often think that in my case, it is because I see so much of myself in A that we 'lock horns' so frequently.
Have you consideed taking up singing again? I know there are lots of singing groups out there & it sounds as though it really helped stabilise you mood.
Thinking of you x
Mary
Thank you for your kind replies. Yes I did relax:)
Funnily there is a drama group I've just heard about that is doing a lot of singing currently for a show that I was thinking of joining. Gave it a miss this week. But will see how thing's are next week.
Thank you again,
JH x
That sounds great. Let us know if you decide to go along - and how you find it if you do.
Mary x
Hi JaneHope,
I have read both 'The Drama of Being a Child' & 'Banished Knowledge'. From my perspective, I think Alice Miller is nurturing the child within her readers & reinforcing the notion that it was never their fault.
They do not make for easy reading - 'Banished...' took me a long time to get through & I was in a pretty robust place when I started it. The books mentioned certainly struck me as thought provoking & could lead the reader to more carefully consider their own upbringing; that was how I found them, anyway.
Like all books - perhaps particularly those relating to psychology & the human sciences - I think it's down to the individual's taste whether they are good, bad or indifferent.
Please don't apologise for moving the book conversation away from 50 shades - its absolutely fine with me