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Hi everyone,
I need to pick all of your brains here, have 2 birthdays coming up, daughters 18th on 30th March and sons 10th on 5th April.
I am on the tightest budget you can possibly imagine so am hopping some of you lovely people can come up with some ideas/suggestions for what to do for either/both?
I am going round in circles and feeling really guilty that I cant provide the party night etc particularly for my daughters 18th.
xxx
Thank you sofia I will have a look at that, my daughter loves money lol and my son well he so much easier but with him being as he says a big 10 I would like to make it a little special xxx
Do you have, or are you looking for a venue? if you are not having the party at home then have you tried looking in to renting a community centre? you might get lucky and find one that is cheap to hire.
Hey, and ouch.
When you say tight budget not sure how tight? Spare time and many hands can make a great outcome with very little money, and money can make a great outcome with no time and no help - so not sure where you stand in this?
I love the pound shop - might give you some ideas? You could look at party supplier websites to get ideas - you can make banners etc or themes etc yourself but the materials still cost if they're not already lieing around the house!
When I went to uni my mum threw a surprise party for me (thankfully I did find out about it otherwise I'd already made other plans!).
It was at a pub - which you could do for your daughter as a nice way of saying welcome to legal drinking age - I think she did supply some food and cake but not that much and everyone bought their own drinks - I think I had around 20 people there.
One group of my friends had spent time making a 'goodbye' banner for me - white bit of material with felt marker pens all over - could you organise your daughters friends to do something similar? A surprise aspect is nice but not necessary. Do you have the time / help to decorate the house on low budget but arty fashion?
Make a cd with all their favourite music on it - draw a picture / decorate it with their name with coloured permanent marker? (again a friend did this for me and I love the cd still today - he put a load of songs I hadn't heard on it but I like them). This one works for 10 yr old and 18 yr old.
A combined meal out? Although this one costs.
A treasure hunt? but maybe make it visit locations near you where you've shared fun memories? even if they seem kind of banale? you could hide photos in bushes/ under rocks and then at the end there is a scrap book you can make together? This one is really cheasy but very little money required and could work out really well! :)
I hope you're arty crafty cos most of my ideas kind of require that!! :)
Making a gift box with lots of small things - and don't be afraid of the charity shop (which I know at times is as expensive as sale items or more!) but I bought a friend a really nice musical jewellery box even still in original box from one - unfortunately she asked where I'd gotten it from twice! and I couldn't lie:( but yeah, I've always seen time as a valuable commodity - can you find a jumble sale etc near you? but these days you're lucky to find ones that are actually priced right.
I don't know if 10's a bit old now - but would he still get thrill out of buying whatever he wants from poundland - depending on your budget? 5 items? 10 items? filling a sweety bag from tesco or wherever they currently do it near you? again, probably at least 10 - £15 or the gambling aspect blowing 5 - 10 on arcade machines? Your daughter being 18 - you could take her out to Bingo or even better a casino - again these all do cost money but setting a certain budget and making the atmosphere around it could mark these birthdays really nicely without necessarily spending over £50 for either of them. like with casino - you dress up, make tiny sandwiches on cocktail sticks and have some light cocktails with music at home before you leave, and then you go or -
even better - now you've got me thinking - why not have a games night at home?
So yeah - there's lots of ideas there - hope you get some more! you'll work something out!
Hi tiredmum
It's hard when they are so close together. My boys' birthdays are four days apart so I know what you mean.
What would your son like to do? I used to get away with hot dogs and drinks only. Going out to somewhere like Pizza Hut or even the cinema can get expensive. Could you bear to let him have a home cinema night? he gets command of the lounge and can invite two or three friends, draws the sofa up in front of the telly, some DVDs of choice (borrowed?) and you provide some sweets and then a hot dog run at 9pm? Might have to have a sleepover too.
As for your daughter, well not everyone has a big party for their 18th. Set a budget for both gift and entertainment and tell her that the money can be spent on a gift or an outing. Would she prefer to have small gifts from her friends or for the friends to club together and pay for her if they all went to Wetherspoons for example?
Some great ideas from JaneHope re prezzies!
Hi warmley-single I could probably as you say get a venue but really cant afford all the other bits like a dj etc but thank you xxx
JaneHope, wow, I am reading through all of your post carefully, my budget well if we said 0 zilch we would be quite close but it is the insperation I am after, I am sure I will do it its just a case of what to do. I will come back to you once I have digested all that you have written but thank you xxx
Hi Louise, thank you, yes my son is the easier of the 2 I think, I just dont have any spare money at all, and I am sure lots of us are the same, everything is spoken for so need to be really inventive this time around.
I feel particularly bad as last year my 2 youngest childrens father had a stroke and was very poorly so when it was my daughters 16th birthday I went ott and ordered a limo and invited her father, elder sisters, little brother, I did it so that they had a lasting memory of their father in case anything happened to him, but now feel really really guilty that I cant do the same or equal value for my daughter xxx
Loving the treasure hunt idea with pics xxx
I`m also loving the cd suggestion they both love music, the dvd movie night yes I can definitely do that one, microwave popcorn and hot dogs, sleepover think I will pass on that one 
Charity shopping I love so thats not a problem, I just needed kick starting I think and you have all certainly done that for me, thank you so much xxxx
JaneHope I am still reading through your post, cant believe how inventive you are off the top of your head xxx
Lots of ideas there TM! Jane does make me smile when I read her posts, she is very creative when it comes to arts and craft, I can imagine her being one of those children who watched blue peter(sticky back plastic) who used to wait and watch in the kitchen for when the washing up bottles ran out, or the loo roll!
I make cards for my lot (including the 18th for my son), and they appear to love them!! With oldest I put a baby photo on the back, one when he and is best friend from school were four years old, one of the four and one of him in his tux going to the sixth form ball!
That was the start of the card making...
Loads of hugs.
What ever you do, I'm sure they'll have a wonderful birthday.
warmley-single, oh yes the 2 things I wanted as a child a Blue Peter badge and a Crackerjack pencil xxx
sparklinglime, thank you, I can do that(I think) not very good with the arts and crafts but I will give it a go xxx
Had to pop off then daughter was wanting to chat
I'm not good either.
My favourite thing is glitter glue in a little plastic bottle with a nozzle - and it write with that. Ebay, of course... I go around the photos with it too as I can't cut straight to save my life!
oh your funny sparklinglime.
Sparklinglime I`m on ebay as we speak lol xxx
JaneHope I am stil reading your post, I`m not realyl arty crafty but I am willing to give it a go, if nothing else they will have a chuckle at my attempts wont they xxx
sofia, hope this is cheering you up just a bit xxx
Hi tiredmum, I have the same problem every year, however reading through these posts, gave me one idea.
When I was 21 my mum gave me a photo album with pics of grandparents (even great grandparents I think), my mums wedding, me as a baby, my brothers, pets, friends etc, right up to my 21st birthday. I love it.
However having a 16 year old daughter myself, I know that a photo album will not suffice alone! I liked the idea of dressing up and going to the pub, then everyone has to buy their own drinks! Although your purse will have to be full with pub prices these days!
Groupon is fab! Have you had a look yet, she could have a hair salon session for a 3rd of the price OR buy a pamper day or treatment for the 2 of you, then you give her the album and a trinket and a card that says you want to spend it with her and go for a day out a couple of weeks after?? (Would give you time to save up!)
I must admit I love personal gifts ....and I think the photo album is a good one...have you thought about having an in house pamper night.....or inviting someone who does one of the party plans over....like bodyshop ...where nails/feet are done for free?
Not sure whether you have heard of Geocaching but if you have a smart phone or GPS you could do a different type of treasure hunt for your son....
An ex boyfriend of mine gave me a set of CD single tracks for my birthday which I loved...all very personal and one of the nicest things that anyone has ever done...you could do a track for each of her 18 years..... starting with the No 1 that she was born....
Hi Anna, Daisyday, thank you
I have been out and about today and have seen a lovley photo frame that you can put maybe 10 pics in, sadly I dont have any grandparent pics or even pics of my daughter as a baby(I had to leave them behind when going into a refuge when she was only 4 weeks old)
The cd with a track for each year, I can definitely do that and it would be something they both would like so can do 1 for each of them
Geocaching, no never heard of that, I dont have either the smart phone or gps but will see if I can borrow one or the other
Groupon I have joined but there appears to be nothing in our area, nearest would be Manchester which is a trek but I will look more later and see if there is anything closer by.
I really really appreciate all the ideas, wonderful ones all of them from everyone, thank you for taking the time and trouble to reply, it means a lot to me xxx
Warmley-single - I don't think I ever made anything off of Blue Peter - despite wanting to.. perhaps - I've got a vague memory of daffofil card for my mum where the design was on one of their programs but that was it. I think my mum threw away rubbish as soon as ... I do have two carrier bags saved with all recyclables that I can recycle myself for the kids tho!
I think the cd idea is a good one as it's is relatively easiest to do and should be received well.
Geocaching - I saw a program about it, it does look really good but not sure how close the landmarks will be to you - anyone can upload the co-ordinates of their favourite beauty spot/ hideyhole/view and they also hide a few trinklet items in a airtight box. The idea is you find it, open it look at items, add items maybe (a poem/feather etc) and rarely take anything away from the box but the memory. From the program it looked like proper walker territory - even with GPS I would get nervous being so far away from civilisation! :)
Tiredmum - most of the ideas came from life experience! - I'm currently on a course to make scrap books! :)
JaneHope, making scrap books that sounds wonderful, I remember having one when I was a child no idea what I actually put in it xxx
Perhaps you could write some memories? I got out the suitcase in my wadrobe that has some of the outfits my Mum knitted for my children (well, she had died before youngest was born, but he still wore them). So I showed the outfits to my lot, and they read the notes that I'd pinned to them, with some memories I had when they were wearing them...
I can be quite sloppy! I even have a file on the computer to be opened with letters for them should I pop my clogs...
Hi tiredmum
How did your hunt for gifts go today?
I am sure whatever you give them they will appreciate, your children are very lucky to have a devoted mum like you!
Hi sparklinglime yes I do have all of their home from hospital outfits and 1st blankets, I also have a file on here in case anything happens to me, bit daft probably as no one has my password to get on here lol xxx
Hi sofia, well it went quite well really I didnt actually buy anything but did see some bits and pieces that I am going to get hopefully next week. I am not so much devoted as demented right now haha but thank you for that you have made me smile here that a kind thing to say. We all of us do our very best for our children dont we. How was your day? xxx
That sounds very deep and practical tiredmum and sparklinglime, I should really do that myself, perhaps a memory box? Was thinking of writing my will- dont have many worldly possessions except for my prescious babies.
Had a chat with my eldest, his feeling disappointed with his science GCSE results which he sat couple of weeks ago, he got an A and B -2 marks away from an A. His feeling really insecure about our family and our finances. He said that we never had to worry about money before but now we seem to not have as much in the fridge and we have to be so careful with money. I did what I could to reassure him but I have the same worries myself. God I feel so rubbish!
oh sofia, you are NOT rubbish at all xxx
I think you are doing great and so is your son, thats a really good result was that the mock exam? If so he has time to swat a little and it not then he can resit ifhe wishes to up the grade.
Money is a constant battle no need to tel you that, but it does get not easier as such but more normal and you do manage, I know I am not managing great with the birthdays but on a week to week basis we do ok, we are all generally healthy, eat quite well all things considered and best of all we have peace of mind, no arguing, no violence, that in itself is priceless xxxx
A memory box is a great thing, as is a will, I have one mainly to make sure my wishes as to who looks after my children should anything happen to me are carried out to the letter, I just wanted to be sure they would be taken care of by people who would love, care and do thier very best for them in the event that I want here to do that for them xxx
Yeah. thats something my lawyer suggested after the divorce, only problem is my family are not talking to me. Bit difficult....
How old is your youngest? correct me if I am wrong but you must have had your children when you were quite young.
Hello everyone
Yes the money thing is very hard. Even though I work now and things are easier, my youngest will still do things like not tell me about trips he could have because he has grown up with the "we can't afford it" for so many years.
On a practical note, I believe everyone should have a will, and we also need to think about care of our children. See this helpful article on Guardianship, which explains things clearly.
Hi sofia, my youngest will be 10 soon, I was actually 23 when I had my 1st son so I`m quite old now really ha ha
Hope you are having a god day today xxx
Morning all
Hope you are all well today.
tiredmum, your as old as you feel...I must be ancient then!
Got my to do list in front of me and have ticked one item off and added two more to it... Guess its a start.
Ha ha yes I too am ancient!!!!!!!!!!!
A to do list is a great idea just done make it too long to start with, when I do lists I tend to just set say 5/6 things down and once they are doen set myself some more that way it doesn overwhelm you xxx
Good idea tiredmum, either just write a few things down, OR write a massive long list of ALL things you would like to do (then you don't have to have them keep popping into your head ('oh I must remember....') and then every day or weekend, pick out 3. Very satisfying!
Your son has done brilliantly well with his exams, my daughter is the same, worrying that her grades aren't good enough, however as far as I am concerned a B is brilliant! do remind your son that 'yes' finances are a little lower, but you have each other and love and you can't buy that. Dont try and cover up things, he is old enough to know when things aren't right and old enough to understand why.
For all those budding crafty parents out there, have your seen our article Things to do on a rainy day, includes details on a family capsule or family collage?
Hi Anna
I know my son has done really well considering the recent upheaval in his life, his just disappointed because he is a straight A student as are all his close friends. He wants to become an engineer in the future god willing and wants to get into a decent uni later on. But he frustrates me no end! I cant get him to read ANYTHING. He hates reading! I rally hope that he stays focussed and motivated. I have been intending to talk to him about our finances perhaps now is the time.Just don't want to worry him.
Hi sofia, that is tough if his friends are all straight A's, as someone mentioned earlier, he could retake this exam if he felt he needed to. Would he need this science exam to continue with his engineering dream? I would have thought so.
If you are going to have a chat with your boy about money, have a look at our Family Quilt and click on the About Money poem, the top left hand patch, to keep some perspective on things.
I certainly agree with you, our children can be incredibly frustrating! As to whether he continues on his path to engineering, only he knows this and only he can create that future for himself, all we can do is stand at the sides to support, love and cheer them on and keep our fingers crossed that they fulfil all their dreams!
Does your son have a job? Would he be interested in a paper round? Does he get an allowance?
Hi Anna
His decided to retake this gcse in january to ensure he gets the A he needs. All his cousins have done very well and are in business and medicine now. Unfortunately they are no longer part of our lives now.
No, he does not have a job as yet. spoke to someone who works as part of the community involvement team about looking for a project that can teach boys like him practical skills like changing the washer, bleeding the radiator etc. It will help to keep him preoccupied and increase his confidence. They said that they will look into this for me, heres hoping...
To be honest not sure what kind of jobs are suitable/available for 14/15 year olds?
I had the same problem with my sons, sofia.
They can get paper rounds, or they can work in a cafe or doing something like kennel work or washing up but they are pretty limited under 16.
Good luck to him in preparing for the retake!
Hi sofia, I had presumed he was older as he was doing his GCSE's sorry!
The community involvement team's suggestion of a project where he can learn practical skills sounds brilliant, I hope that you will hear back from them soon.
If your son wants to get into business or medicine, he will, with your support, or maybe since you and his father have split up and he doesn't see the cousins, he might consider his future differently.
It sounds as though you are doing a great job supporting him.
Hi everyone, well its my daughters 18th birthday in less than 2 hours now!!!!!!!!
I have got everything sorted, made the cake it tastes so much better than it looks ha ha and its the love that went into making it that counts isnt it? I have done the cd and a sort of this is your life book for her which she will like, also got her a large pic frame which takes 9 pics for her room, have uploaded lots of pics to fb as thats where she "hangs out" they are all ready to go on, cards done and also a little treat in the card so she can go get something she wants/likes. Her main present I got by being so lucky they have a wii console and it is in my daughters bedroom and she has wanted a wii fit board for so long anyway long story but I have the wii fit board and the game which is brand new never used for £42 which I couldnt resist and she will be so happy.
I feel quite strange about birthdays this year, this will be the 1st time I have had more adult children than children if that makes sense, having had 5 it always seemed so far way for the to be grown up, my eldest son will be 25 this year so I will have been a mum for a quarter of a century!!!!!! My little boy will be 10 next Tues so they are all in double figures and I am feeling quite sad about it really.
I miss the hustle and bustle of 5 children all asking for this that or the other, all playing out, all needing help with homework, the falling out and the making up, all of the things that made us one big happy family, yes I know we still are that but I do miss them all being here, I miss reading them a story and pushing them on the swings, teaching them to ride their bikes and putting plasters on their knees, I miss the girlie sleepovers when the would all giggle all night, I miss my almost step children another 3 girls coming to stay, I miss the noise.
It also makes me sad to think of the baby that I miscarried, that was the 30th April, I would have been as they call you a very geriatric mum and that was possibly the reason why I miscarried who knows, my sadness overwhelms me at times when I think that that was my last chance to be a mummy again I find that so difficult to accept and with all my heart wish it wasnt that way.
Sorry for going on just needed to share that with my cyber friends, the ones who never judge anyone and are always kind, I for one truly appreciate one space xxx
hello tiredmum
First of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your lovely daughter, and congratulations on her 18th, wow, 18 is such a milestone age.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings. It may well help you to do so but it also helps other people a lot, there are many members of One Space who do not post but can be supported and helped just by knowing they are not alone and if someone such as yourself expresses their feelings then that is all to the good.
My heart goes out to you as you think about your baby. Many of us will know where you are coming from on that one, sending you a hug 
You write so well about the sense of the passage of time and your role as a mum, it has resonated very much with me as my own boys get older. Not so much with the son who is still at home, but I have all those feelings about my eldest who lives independently. What is really hard as a parent is we "boundary" those feelings so that the children/young people feel OK and not dragged down by our sadnesses/regrets. I remember my sister saying to me once "I feel guilty for being grown up"....and it is a challenge for us to try to ensure our young people don't feel that way. It is not easy!
The prezzies you have got your daughter sound wonderful, you have done really well. Hope you all have a fab day and thank you for being such a great member here at One Space
I hope your daughter has a wonderful happy birthday! All you've prepared sounds fantastic!
Have to say it was quite odd when son turned 10.
In theory, I could have had a four year old bouncing around, so I appreciate the sadness there.
Hope you all have an absolutely fantastic day! I'm sure the cake will be delicious.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUR DAUGHTER!! Also a little celebration to you too! It sounds as though it has all come together really well and as usual you will have pulled it off without her knowing any of the stress behind it all. Well done
Your children are now getting older it will be their time to have children and you can be the best granny! I am sure you are looking forward to that moment! Your loss was painful, but it was for a reason, (well that how I see things) you might not know the reason now, but you will.
I hope you all have a splendid day and you enjoy having all your family around you. Best Wishes :)
Hi
Thank you for your replies and birthday wishes for my daughter who has had a wonderful day, she has just popped out with some friends no she hasnt gone for a drink, she has gone for a walk then they are coming back here to watch a dvd or 3!!!!!
Louise yes it is difficult to see them grow up and as parents we really want our children to flourish and to turn out to be well rounded individuals but there is also the great sense of loss for us as they do all of the things we wish for them but they do it without us.
sparklinglime its there all the time for me really but is more bearable on some days than others and birthdays do tend to make one think about life in general well it is that way for me.
The cake went down really well, have to say it was really good just the decorating was rubbish but raised a smile from my daughter which was all that mattered xxx
Anna, yes stressful indeed but we got there, just little ones on Tues to go then I can relax till July when it will be 2 birthdays in 2 days ha ha
You mentioned grandchildren, I have one already not that you were to know that xxx He was born less than 2 months after I lost my baby, I got a call from my son to say his partner was in labour followed by a call approx 5.30am telling me all was well and they had a son and would I go up to the hospital, have to say it was that call I dreaded most, I did go and have pics of my holding their little boy who was then only about 2 hours old, that was so hard, all I could think was this should have been me, thats sounds terrible but its honest.
I do see him regularly but I am not the doting gran I might have been if the timing had been different, I sound awful really but I`m not, I just cant take my barrier down, dont know if any of you will understand, its just my way of dealing with things, no one here knows about the baby I lost that was my choice, didnt want the endless are you ok chats to be honest xxx
That's now awful...
No one knows with me either. My mother-in-law would have been thrilled, but father-in-law was critically ill at the time. She liked my b/f very much (back then!)
So glad your daughter's had a great day. Hope you manage to take her for a drink. My son didn't like to ask me to, but was thrilled when I offered. We had a nice evening too.
know what you mean with no birthdays to worry about - son's next in December.
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Its actually very theraputic to be able to talk about it on here, I do think it is a very taboo subject still but as we are seeing on here it happens to lots of ladies and so many of us say nothing to anyone which again makes it hard xxx
I would never not see my sons little boy just dont feel like his gran at all.
I will take my daughter out for a drink at some point, or maybe she had better take me lol I dont drink so never go to pubs and have only been in 1 nightclub in my life and have to say never again
You're so young though. I doubt I'd feel like a gran if it happened here. Far too young!!
When I took eldest out, I had a coke, he had the pint. We had a good chat too. Well, as he was running his father down, I thought it was good 
I made all the right noises of course, defending The Git mind, but inside I was smiling.
confession night for me!
I`m not that young but yes maybe that has something to do with it, all our grandmas seemed to be old with pinnies(aprons), they knitted anmd made clothes and drank lots of tea and made cakes xxx
purple rinse and pleated skirts...
ha ha I have had both of those on a really bad day!!!!!!! xxx
uncle joes mint balls, why did all old people have those I am convinced it was to get rid of us little people as soon as I saw the jar I was off, did have them before and they always slipped down my throat, hated that, never had them since xxx
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi tiredmum
Why dont you have a look through GROUPON.CO.UK? they offer 70% discount on birthday gifts.
What kind of things do they like?