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hi im new to the forum,
i joined as i have been with my hubby for nearly 8yrs and he has 2 children with his ex wife. a daughter 10 and son 8, when i met hubby his daughter was 3 and her mum and dad had just seperated heading for divorce but even though it was tough when she came up to start mainly as i was 17 but now we really get on and when there up for hols were always together. the problem is since she was 3 she has always said she wants to live with us over the years hubby has tried to approach his ex and understandably she refuses. this last hol dd have been constantly nagging her daddy to ask her mum is she can move with us next year which he did and got his head bitten off. now we have to look into legal advice we have 2 probs one being she never accepted money for the children unless they needed shoes or payment for school trips ect.... we have jut given her cheques in the past but she seemed to be offended by it. im am wooried as dd is very bad tempered and reacts badly to people telling her she cant live with daddy she has kicked her mum n the face and smacked her brother on the head with her NDS, her mum has 4 kids and she is the eldest of the 4. we hear stories from her mum and her of how she goes to the neighbors and help look after a almost 2 yr old while the mother sits on her pc or sleeps. does anyone no the legal age in court she can decide or even a way for her to approach her mum as shes tried talking to her when shes in a good mood and gets told to just shut up and go away. when shes with us she tells us how much she hates her mum and wishes i was her mum. can anyone help??????????
:(
Hello kikle
I am not sure where you live but I can tell you that in Scotland, the law stipulates that children's views are a massive part of things from the age of 12 whereas the law for England and Wales is that a child's point of view will generally be taken into consideration and the older the child, the more notice is taken.
I agree with everything that Hazeleyes has written. It is worth doing a bit of investigation if possible, to see how things are generally at her mum's house. I imagine she uses "I want to live with my dad" as a bit of a threat towards her mum if she is disciplined there. She probably loves it that you are nearer her age too. But just imagine how her mum feels......imagine your child coming back from staying with their other parent and saying "I like X more than you, and I want her to be my mum" Totally heartbreaking, and no wonder the mum becomes snappy!
Rather than taking out a lengthy, expensive, conflict-making and possibly unsuccessful application for residence what I would suggest is that you look at ways that she can spend more time at your house, Your partner could say to her mum, "X is still saying she wants to live here, I know that is not something that you want but I wonder if we could negotiate her having a bir more time with me, and that would seem to satisfy her request without actually changing things much"
Hi kikle
Your step daughter needs to be disciplined if she is reacting badly to being told where she is going to live at 10 years old. If she has kicked her mother in the face for this reason, I think that her father should be intervening here. That is totally unacceptable and the child needs to learn that you definitely don't get your own way by behaving like that.
If her mum has 4 children then I imagine that your step daughter gets little quality time with her mum, whereas when she is with you, I presume that she is the centre of attention, as you love seeing her.
From what you have said, there is an element of me that thinks that your step daughter needs to be put in her place a little bit, that she is lucky to have all these people in her life, that her mum loves her as much as you guys do and you expect her to be respectful and you will no longer hear any more about her moving out.
How does that sit with you?
Hi kikle. Welcome along to One Space. I don't know what the age is for a child to decide, but do keep posting as other members might be able to help on that one. Children do tend to play adults off against each other, so your step daughter could be doing this with her dad and her mum. She is seeing her dad for holidays and lives with her mum full time, so when she is with her dad, everything is different from when she is at home, doing ordinary normal things, which no doubt she finds boring (as they all do at that age) Her mum probably has rules, discipline etc, and maybe this is also what she is lashing out at? As for the 10 year old going to a neighbours to look after a 2 year old. If she is anything like my nearly 9 year old, he loves looking after small children. I'm just thinking, perhaps your step daughter goes to the neighbours, starts amusing the toddler, and the mother has some 'time out' by going on the pc or relaxing on the settee. The mother is in the house, knows her toddler is safe. Perhaps your husband could try and have another word with his ex. Is this a possiblity? Another family member maybe?