Fathers

Here is one point of view, written by a volunteer at Single Parent Action Network. If you have a different one let us know what you think on the Message Board.

All single parents will have their own unique experiences – times of self-doubt and struggle and times of happiness and contentment. How different is it being a single father than a single mother? It is not a matter I am particularly conscious of.

Few people plan to become a single parent. Fewer fathers expect to take on that role. From the moment I realised I was a single parent with all the responsibilities it entailed, I felt not only lucky but blessed. I knew few fathers become the main or sole parent after separation. All things being equal the courts will award the mother custodial rights. Other feelings I have felt about becoming a single dad include a sense of destiny or purpose, the feeling that my life has a strong foundation and that nothing can ever be as important as bringing up my son.

Then there are matters that bring you back down to earth – issues that all single parents face. Getting used to having a limited income and needing to count the pennies. Those times when parenting can become a battle – over serious and trivial matters – when you’ve got to grit your teeth, keep your head and get through it. Or your own social life and relationships needing loads of compromise and flexibility, and putting a career on the backburner.

While most single mothers still face prejudice and stereotyping, single fathers seem to escape this. The common reaction to me being a single parent is ‘fair play’ or ‘nice one’, especially from men (I can’t recall a negative reaction). Maybe people are more inquisitive about your story. Having a son, our relationship is viewed as ‘natural’, ‘instinctive’, ‘normal’. I wonder whether having a daughter would be more problematic – from needing to draw on more experiences than your own to worrying about suspicions of sexual abuse?

Further information

Fathers Direct
www.fathersdirect.com

Home Dad
www.homedad.org.uk

Dads UK
http://dads-uk.co.uk