Im 20 years old and 11 weeks pregnant- really need to talk to someone!

Hello everyone,

I really hope someone reads this and can give me there advice. I am 20 years old and am 11 weeks pregnant i found out while with my boyfriend 6-7 weeks ago. He is 19 ( 20 in May) so were both young and him being a boy is alot more immature than me. His first reaction was how he doesnt want it and i should get rid of it etc etc , after thinking long and hard i have never agreeded with abortion anyway and new that is isnt  what i wanted to do. I have the full support from all my family aswell as his, although his dad does not agree and doesnt think i should have it,he will be there in the end to help. me and my boyfriend have been together nearly 3 years and we went through a really tough time summer before last ( nearly 2 years ago) where i found out he had cheated on me with several people and we broke up but have now been back together nearly a year. We were seeing each otehr on adn off during the time we were apart and alot did go on. Although now i do trust him.

we have just started to tell more people, and he is telling friends which of course are all immature 19/20 year old boys who are saying to him how stupid he is, that that it will ruin his life, he is trapped with me . all of that sort of stuff and he has told a few people how he doesnt want it whcih has made me fell awful because we haev spoken and he has told me that he doesnt believe it is the best thing but he will stand by me. I can see myself being on my own and bring this baby up on my own and i am terrified!!! i do not have alot of money and i will be off work for the 6months as i want to go back to work quickly to earn more money. Im sure i will be a good mum cos i will do everything and anything  i can to make the best life for my baby.

please can somebody give me some advice as to what i should do?

Thank you xxx

Hi Alex,

First of all welcome to the site!

I was 16 when I fell pregnant with my son, and 17 when I had him. He is now 22!

I felt all the same as your feeling now, the confusion and listening to everyone else's opinion sometimes made me feel worse. So first of all, I would try and shut out what everyone is saying to you, you have to make the decision, you will be responsible for this little person for the rest of your life.

I knew that I would be bringing up my boy alone, but still made the choice to go ahead with it. I won't lie to you, it was not easy, and sometimes I had regrets of having him so young. I felt that I was missing out on doing things that teenagers do. Your a little bit older and more mature, so have probably lived a little bit more than I did

In saying that though, I had the opportunity to grow with my son, and we have a close relationship, we can talk to each other openly about things, and because the age gap isn't really big, I understood alot of what he was going through.... teenage years!

I can't tell you what to do Alex, you have to decide, it's not a bed of roses, it's hard, lots of sleepless nights.. worrying if what you are doing is the right way of doing things. When you become a parent, they don't give you a book on how to be one, think if they did nobody would have kids

You come across as being very mature, thinking about the future, ie money, work etc. So I'm sure that you will make the right decision. Good luck, and keep in touch. If there's anything else that you need to talk about, just keep posting

Take care

J xx

Previously alex wrote:

Hello everyone,

 

I really hope someone reads this and can give me there advice. I am 20 years old and am 11 weeks pregnant i found out while with my boyfriend 6-7 weeks ago. He is 19 ( 20 in May) so were both young and him being a boy is alot more immature than me. His first reaction was how he doesnt want it and i should get rid of it etc etc , after thinking long and hard i have never agreeded with abortion anyway and new that is isnt  what i wanted to do. I have the full support from all my family aswell as his, although his dad does not agree and doesnt think i should have it,he will be there in the end to help. me and my boyfriend have been together nearly 3 years and we went through a really tough time summer before last ( nearly 2 years ago) where i found out he had cheated on me with several people and we broke up but have now been back together nearly a year. We were seeing each otehr on adn off during the time we were apart and alot did go on. Although now i do trust him.

we have just started to tell more people, and he is telling friends which of course are all immature 19/20 year old boys who are saying to him how stupid he is, that that it will ruin his life, he is trapped with me . all of that sort of stuff and he has told a few people how he doesnt want it whcih has made me fell awful because we haev spoken and he has told me that he doesnt believe it is the best thing but he will stand by me. I can see myself being on my own and bring this baby up on my own and i am terrified!!! i do not have alot of money and i will be off work for the 6months as i want to go back to work quickly to earn more money. Im sure i will be a good mum cos i will do everything and anything  i can to make the best life for my baby.

 

please can somebody give me some advice as to what i should do?

 

Thank you xxx

 

 Alex,

I am 27 and have a daughter of who is 13 weeks old.

My ex walked out on us a few weeks ago and decided he is too old for committment ( whatever that means at 34 years??)

Anyway my job will only pay me for 3 months maternity pay, now I have to survive on statutory maternity pay which is £112 approx a week.

My mortgage is 770 a month and there is no way I can survive.

All I can advise is to get as much help as you can.  Working tax credits will be able to give you money.  I get £100 a month through this and £82 a month off child beneifit so thats about 600 a month without working.

 

My ex also by law has to contribute and he has aggreed to give me £200 a month to help.  The csa would sort it if he didnt.

 

Working tax credit number is 0845 300 3900

We all no what you are going through and if you need to talk I am here.

 

Jo

Hi Alex

Some good advice here.  Why not join our new online group for single parents at www.onespace.org.uk too?  As well as support and information from other lone parents who have 'been there' you can get help from Anna who is an experienced parenting facilitator.  There are also info pages, links to useful organisations and frequently asked questions on parenting, so take a look.