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Hi

by Julie Wright — last modified 2008-04-13 17:39
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Hi

Posted by Julie Wright at April 12. 2008

This is my first psting and to be honest I don not know where to start 2 weeks ago i found out my whole life was a lie - my husband has had 2 affairs one all the way back to July 06 - the other still going in fact he has been living with her every other week since Sept 07 telling me he had a part time consultancy job in Bristol but has in afct been living iwth this wealthy woman who has paid for him in CARDIFF !!!

He has been clever he has made people up the comapny and where he lived is all ficticous and now he has persuaded her to pay £11k for a deposit for a company he has told me all this quite calmly but HE cannot understand why I coild not let him live with me any more and though my being angry was ridiculous. That I should forgive and forget and move on from the first affair but forget the second.

I had to make him leave and he has , he now lives with her but asks for a 3 month seperation rather than divorce as he still loves me and is not complete unless he has me and his boys - 2 lovely boys who i desperate to protect from any further hurt.

I have recieved no money from him am about to be trown out of my home as he has not paid the rent , i am £40k in debt due to a failed company he rang and lost my inheritance to him and borrowed money off my parents to help him.

I must be a fool a blind fool I just hurt so much for me and the boys he cannot see what he has done and blmaes me for being angry about the first affair while he was carrying on with another woman,

 

What do I do i am just so confused...........

Re: Hi

Posted by lorna brook at April 12. 2008
Gosh what a bombshell you've had dropped on you!! I can only begin to imagine how confused, angry and hurt you must be feeling right now. My ex confessed to a drunken one night stand and I was devastated so to find out about the extent of your husband's deceit must be mind blowing. How can he go to such lengths to lie to you and then expect you to understand? Relationships need to be built on trust, your husband should be your best friend as well as lover and life partner, Blaming you in any way shows that he isn't strong enough to cope with the reality of what he's done. My ex and I are now separated and thankfully friends but it wasn't like that at first. He was horrible to me and blamed me for his actions - now he can appreciate that no matter what problems we were experiencing in our relationship it in no way excused his infidelity. Your husband has asked for a separation but is living with the other woman - does he expect you to share him with her? How does he think you would ever be able to trust him again? Only you will know if there is a chance of repairing your relationship but I certainly think you have done the right thing so far - for you and your children. As for the financial situation, well another reason you can in no way trust him. I would go to the citizen's advice bureau to see where you stand. I paid them a visit after our separation as I am pregnant and had to leave my home and give up my business. They were very helpful and gave me lots of food for thought. You are bound to be feeling very low so try and concentrate on your children as they will be needing you right now. Take each day as it comes and talk to your family and friends for advice and support. Try and remember that this hasn't happened because of anything you have done, you do not deserve to be treated in this way - nobody does. Your husband may blame you but that's the coward's way of thinking. Lastly something my brother said to me when I was crying to him saying that I don't feel strong or brave which people kept telling me I was. He said that you never feel strong at the time of a crisis it's only when you look back on how you coped with the situation that you can say - actually I was strong and I was brave!! Good luck and keep in touch, Lorna xx

Re: Hi

Posted by Porschea at April 13. 2008

Hi Julie

Welcome, hmm how terrible, and typical of the blame factor, the more I hear about the offending partner blameing the injured wife/husband, it just seems to come to them  to play the victim and it wasn't their fault, nauturally. :O

Makes me sceptical , and trust does become an issue but hang in there and you will be ok, :)

take care Julie, we have survived our seperations and so will you, get all the advise you can, as Lorna said CAB will advise the financial and housing situation for you and the children, good luck, and well done for ditching the rat...

Porschea xx

 

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