5.15 – Thinking space

Everybody’s talking about the ‘Naughty Step’. You have probably heard about the Naughty Step or the ‘Time Out’ methods of discipline, where children are sent to spend a short time on their own to calm down and think about what they’ve done wrong.

Do you use the Naughty Step or Time Out? Does it work? Do you intend on using this method in future or until your children are grown up?

Thinking space

Thinking Space is similar to the Naughty Step and Time Out. Thinking Space can be Time ‘Out’ or Time ‘In’ depending on what works with your child. Thinking Space can be used anywhere, so eliminates the need for designated areas or chairs used for Time Out and the Naughty Step.

How does Thinking Space work?

Thinking Space is allowing time for the child to calm down and think about their behaviour – The child has time to reflect and discuss with the parent what had made them so upset or angry and what the child thinks they could do in future to avoid similar situations.

With Thinking Space, children are removed from the situation that is causing them to misbehave.

How to use the Thinking Space Discipline Method

First you will need to:

• Think about your child’s age and their personality.
• Can they choose to stay with you or sit/stand by themselves whilst they calm down?

Then…

1. Remove the child from the situation that is causing the problem
2. The child has to stay with the parent or sit/stand on their own. Some children may need to be held (firmly but not hurting!) to stay with you if they can’t stay on their own especially those who find it difficult to calm down or stay still.
3. When your child has calmed down (this is to be no longer than a few minutes for younger children, 1 minute for each year of age i.e. 5 minutes for a five year old), you can then ask what had happened to make them upset/angry etc.
4. Explain to them what was wrong with their behaviour and give a reason why.
5. Explain how their behaviour can affect others.
6. Tell them how you would like them to behave in future.
7. Ask them for suggestions on how they can manage themselves, and similar situations in future.
8. You might want the child to apologise.
9. Praise the child for the ‘time in’ or ‘out’ and for calming down, being sensible and apologising.
10. Have a fresh start - it’s done, don’t harp on!

Remember, it is important not to get into long lectures. Keep it short and easy so that children can remember; otherwise you will be in danger of them switching off and the points you are trying to get across will not be remembered.

More about the Thinking Space technique

The Thinking Space discipline technique is a great way of teaching children how to:

1. Problem solve.
2. Identify their emotions.
3. Be more empathetic to others.
4. Learn how their actions can unintentionally affect others.

Thinking Space can be used with most children.

Thinking Space for behavioural issues

Some children may find it difficult to spend time on their own: Children that have emotional, medical or behavioural issues (ADHD, Autism etc) may not respond well to isolation and don’t always have a lot of self control.

Parents of these children may need to stay with their child and hold them. We should be using all opportunities to get children to identify and talk about their emotions and behaviour and how they can change their bad behaviour. However, with younger children (and some older ones) we will need to build these techniques; younger children do not have the communication skills or the level of understanding needed to fulfill all the Thinking Space steps.

Next: 5.16 – Thinking space scenariosBack: 5.14 – Teaching and rewarding – feedback